


Deny you

by Llixale



Series: True Love série [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Enemies to Friends, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Soulmates, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-06-18 18:36:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 45,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15492144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llixale/pseuds/Llixale
Summary: Sam doesn't want Bucky to be his Soulmate. The feeling is mutual.





	1. It's not you

Sam never had been this excited. It was almost lunchtime and he hadn’t had the occasion to talk to Steve or Natasha yet about his weekend and the discovery of his soulmate initials. He didn’t want to call them, he needed to see them face to face for the reveal. Lucky enough to have a soulmate in the first place, having a chance of finding them this early in age felt like a blessing.  
  
He had bugged his mother for weeks since he had inadvertently heard a conversation between her and a distant cousin. Finally, after some convincing and dramatic re-enactment of what not having that crucial information could lead to (Mom, do you really want me to be miserable? Or what if I fall in love with someone and then I met my soulmate? Do you want to tore a family apart mother?), she had accepted to let him see cousin Nora not before giving him and insisting on the following warning “soulmates should be discovered naturally, in our family, it always turns bad when we force it”  
  
He didn’t care all that much. He had the letters AND somehow the tip that it was someone who were already close to him since his mark was already fully drawn.  
  
Only by touching their soulmate one could see the full bright and colorful mark on each other coming to life while other would simply see a blank draw of whatever the mark was supposed to represent.  
  
He did warned Steve beforehand and posted a cryptic snap that he knew his best friend saw.  Steve had been really excited speculating with Sam about what kind of soulmate he could have. It felt surreal to them.  Sam felt lucky to have someone like him in his life, he was the first person he actually came out to (leading to them being closer and, in fact, so much that his parents asked if he was gay and dating him).  


* * *

 

  
He was too late this morning to actually talk to his friends before the first class and since he didn’t want to repeat himself, he planned to eat with Steve and Natasha to give them all the juicy details.  
  
When the bell finally rang, he grabbed Steve quickly and made him run with him to find a nice spot to eat before the cafeteria be too crowded.  
“So, my cousin told me that I already knew them, but I kind of guessed that already” he was saying, making the suspense grow unnecessarily.  
“Come on Wilson, say it already, we don’t have all the day” Natasha pressed him, stealing one of his fries.  
  
They had find a nice table in a corner, a table of six where Sam was with Steve, Natasha, T’Challa, Pepper and “the Raccoon”  
“The Raccoon” being Bucky, the supposed long lost best friend of Steve who changed his school to be with him that year.  
Steve had talked about him so much that Sam thought he was a great guy, Steve was usually a good judge of character. Even Natasha who had met him prior to his arrival had something nice to say about him.  
  
For some reason, Bucky and Sam couldn’t stand each other. Well, Sam knew exactly why, the guy was jealous, always contradictory to him specifically (yes, only to him, he swears) and worse of all, he had managed to snatch the girl Sam was interested in the exact same day Sam had told Steve about it. What a weird coincidence uh?  
Oh Sam got some revenge after that but it had started what could only be described as a Not So Cold War.  
  
“So, the initials of my soulmate are...drumroll please” he says pointing at T’Challa who humors him “B B J, in no particular order, it’s not that precise” he announces with a giant smile.  
  
Pepper and T’Challa are happy and congratulate Sam but Steve and Natasha are looking at each other while Bucky literally tries to stab the cauliflower in his plate sending it flying away.  
  
“So what you mean is” Steve ask a little paler than a minute ago “that it could be BJB like it could be BBJ or JBB right?”  
  
“Yep! I don’t know if it’s a middle name or a composite name thought. Like a Jean Baptiste or maybe a Basil. We know a Basil right?” he nods, feeling way too hopeful for someone with that many options.  
Natasha is having a silent conversation with Steve and makes small movement with her head pointing at Bucky. Sam sees her but doesn’t understand what she is doing “Something’s wrong Nat?”  
  
She seals her lips, eyes bigger than usual before shaking her head quickly.  
“Well then, do you know someone with the BBJ initials?”  
T’Challa and Pepper look thoughtful while Steve looks really uncomfortable.  
  
“So Sam, what do you plan to do when you find them?” Steve asks to avoid answering and because “Someone” better know what is coming to them too.  
“Well” Sam start “I will bring them flowers, introduce myself properly then ask them for coffee. If everything goes well, we will touch each other mark and see them alive for the first time, and then we kiss” he mimics, holding himself in his arms, eyes closed and moving his body half spreading on Steve, smooching the air.

  
  
“Bold of you to assume that they will like you back”  
It was Bucky.  
It’s always Bucky who can’t keep his mouth shut and MUST comment on things Sam does or says that nobody asked, at least, not Sam.  
He turns to the nuisance “I think they will, maybe it will take some time, yes, but I am confident. Wouldn’t that work with you?”  
“If anybody else tries that shit with me, yes, it would work. But since it’s you, nah, I’ll pass” he answers brightly, his smile at his maximum, it makes Sam’s left eye twitch.  
“Good thing the initial or my soulmate isn’t just a lame “B” then” he turns toward his friends, feeling proud of himself only to get some perplexed face in return “What?”  
  
He can hear someone snicker, Bucky again.  
“You know my name isn’t actually Bucky, right? Like...this isn’t like Cher or Madonna”  
  
Sam froze for a painfully long three seconds “Of course I knew that” he adds quickly, and if his skin wasn’t as dark, his shame would be showing.  
Bucky still doesn’t let go “So you know my initials then?”  
“Oh my God, Why are you so annoying? I don’t care about your name Trash-Boy, BTTB for Bucky The Trash Boy or BTR for Bucky The Raccoon, I don’t know” Sam answers supremely irritated.  
  
“Who wants to give him the good news?” Bucky asks with his best smile still on his face, only now he looks at Sam for some reason. He looks as happy as someone who won the lottery.  
  
Sam doesn’t like when Bucky (or whatever is real name is) looks at him. It makes him feel weird, as if he was seeing things he wasn’t supposed to see.  
“It isn’t even my fault I don’t know your name, nobody is calling you something else in front of me and we don’t share classes so...”  
  
It was a perfectly valid explanation. At least from Sam point of view. “You just never bothered to try to know more, anyway, Nat?”  
“Maybe we could do that another day. Like...”  
  
Sam should have known at that exact moment that, if Natasha was uncomfortable and didn’t want to do something as simple as telling Bucky’s name, there was a reason. But Sam, sometimes, was a little hotheaded and now he wanted to know.  
“Well, what’s your name?”  
  
Bucky got up, placing himself behind Steve, put his hands on his shoulders and start massaging lightly to encourage the blond to answer. Steve’s face is red now insead of awfully white but he clears his throat anyway “You sure Buck?”  
“Mmhmmh” he respond why an annoying look of superiority on his face.  
“Sam, his full name is... James...Buchanan...Barnes”  
  
Sam goes silent for a moment “What did you say?” He finally manage to enunciate, a hand on T’Challa for support.  
Bucky started to laugh “My names is James Buchanan Barnes. They call me Bucky because of my middle name you moron. JBB baby, hello soulmate” he says wiggling his fingers at Sam.

  
  
You can tell Sam’s mind is going on a journey in the minute he doesn’t move, petrified, before lighting up suddenly and saying with a very unnatural happiness “No, it’s not you”  
  
“Oh really?”  
  
Bucky just jump on the table then, miraculously dodging the plates (the miracle name is Natasha, Pepper and T’Challa) yank open his shirt, a button hitting Sam on the head to show the mark on his chest above his nipple. He proceed to grab Sam hand before the other man can do something else and Sam doesn’t want to look but he can’t do anything else.  
  
The bird start moving, wings flapping... Sam falls on the ground when he takes his hand back “I said, IT’S NOT YOU!!”  
  
He grabs his backpack and starts to stagger away “WE’LL SEE ABOUT THAT WILSON!” Bucky shouts not caring one bit about being heard by everyone.  
He is shaking.

  
“Bucky?” Steve asks him with caution.  
He bites his lips, almost drawing blood, his eyes tingling “I’ll show him”


	2. Denial, then acceptance

  
First came denial.

 

Sam started by asking everyone if they knew of someone with similar initials. If by miracle they did, he went to them and tried to see if maybe, they were soulmate.

  
They weren’t.

  
So his quest lead him to Tony Stark, asking for a favor he wasn’t sure he could repay later. The exuberant teenager hacked the student database to look for a match.  
Well, it didn’t work either.  
“You are even more stupid than I thought Sam. You already found your soulmate” Natasha hissed after another unproductive round of “ _Hey maybe I’m your soulmate_ ”.  
  
It’s not that he didn’t trust her judgment, but she wasn’t objective. She was friend with Bucky and, like Steve, wasn’t seeing the problem on potentially having a messy, annoying heterosexual as a soulmate.

  
What was he supposed to do with that?  
  
Sam was starting to be famous for all the wrong reasons. It wasn’t necessarily uncommon for people to be surprised by their soulmate but to simply say “no” and go was just rude. A lot of people were giving him side eyes and even some professor expressed their disappointment in Sam’s attitude.

 

Sam didn’t care about what others thought. They weren’t the one stuck with an asshole, but when his own mother tried to know what happened with the information he got in the first place, he had to pause and think hard about how he should tell the truth.

No matter how he tried to flip the story or put a lot of emphasis on the fact that Bucky was the Worst, the very first thing Darlene Wilson said after he had finished was “I told you”. Yeah, she did, Sam knew it already and he didn’t need a lecture about how he should have listen and wait. He still got it and not only did she talked his ear off, she called that one cousin AND one of his aunt, making sure everyone knew he did perpetuate their family tradition of being too impatient when it came to love.

 

 

He had a hard time concentrate during classes. Bucky’s face popping in his mind at the most random time. He wonders for a few minutes if he should avoid him at all cost but he simply doesn’t have the energy of making his whole agenda revolve around one person, even if it was to actually not see them.

After a challenging few days, he changes his mind and tries it anyway.

For someone who isn’t sharing any class with him, it’s sort of impossible without avoiding almost all of his friends altogether. For what he gets call out three separate times before Natasha corners him after school while he was getting ready to leave.

“You need to stop”

“How do I stop being soulmate with him?” he replies with way too much attitude.

“Sam!”

“I won’t make your choose between him and me, don’t worry. I just need to find a way for him to be someone else soulmate and then everything will be fine like before” Sam says, sounding a little desperate and, Natasha would add, delusional.

“You are going too far” she warns.

“I am tired Natasha, tired of him, tired of having the supposed most important person in my life being a jerk. Do you even remember the face he did when he discovered I was bi? I don’t want any homophobe near me”

“You aren’t an angel Sam, didn’t your purposely failed to invite him two times when we were going out, like you would invite everyone beside him? And didn’t you say to Ella that Bucky had a micro penis because you knew she would gossip to everyone girl in school about it? And, for the second time, Bucky is not an homophobe”

Sam laughs at that, he has to stop because Natasha isn’t amused at all.

“You know, for the first time since my father’s death, I have gone to church last Sunday. I was here, listening to the sermon, and you know how they love to talk about forgiveness and shit. So I was here and I started to cry. I felt so stupid, I wondered if it was some sort of punition” he says softly, head against his locker “I would kill to have someone like you as a soulmate”

“I know you think you mean that right now, but believe me, in six month or six years, one day you will wake up and you will wonder why you did all that, why you lost so much time. He isn’t perfect, it’s true, but you aren’t either and maybe you need to really think about your situation” she advice, touching his arm for a minute.

He groans.

  
  
Three days after the last incident, Steve tried an intervention because his friend, obviously, wasn’t well.

  
“This is ridiculous Sam, this is hurting you. And him too at that”

  
“The only ridiculous thing is thinking that Barnes could make me happy, that’s the real scam. I do not date shitty people”

  
“Yeah, you wouldn’t date yourself right now then” Steve had said and it had shocked Sam so much to basically be insulted by Steve of all people that he felt forced to think about his behavior.  
  
It hadn’t been an easy period to him, he felt so misunderstood and disappointed than the shame only came second.  
He still came with the conclusion than the universe did an error but Bucky didn’t have anything to do with it. It wasn’t his fault and he could at least apologize for his reaction.  
  
He was walking around with as much resignation as someone on death row. Each time Bucky was around he looked even more miserable. He couldn’t find a way to just talk to him, everything seemed vain.  
You couldn’t change your soulmate, you were already lucky if you had one, so that was it, he would never see his mark fly on his own skin.  
  


Then came acceptance.

 

That day, he was aware of Clint and Natasha trying to include him in the conversation but as usual, it was harder to concentrate with Bucky next to them. They tried, of course, to bring them together when they were going out but it was becoming more and more difficult to pretend he wasn’t sad and nervous. He always felt hyper aware of the man’s presence and after the last time they talk, he was even scared of letting him hear his voice in case it would start another argument.  


He should have known.

The impossibility of simply ignoring _James_ couldn’t have been natural. Now he understands why he couldn’t just totally block him. Why the universe was always putting him on his way in the least favorable moments. If he was interested in someone, that person would confess to Bucky, if he thought a piece of clothes would look nice, Bucky would appear with it, if he found an amazing friend, they already had a best friend in the person of Bucky. It was irritating. But then, it hit him: two months and they wouldn’t be in highscool anymore.  
Two months and he will never be near James Barnes again.  
He didn’t know what to feel about that. He should be glad. Or not, because it was his soulmate. A soulmate he didn’t want but his soulmate nonetheless.  
  
« Got another problem Wilson? » Bucky asks because Sam is looking in his direction for a solid five minutes.  
Sam blinks, going out of his daydreaming. He notices the tense position of Steve, ready to jump in if things goes sideways (as often between them).  
  
« Can I talk to you alone for a minute? » he proposes with a neutral face and tone, not indicating anything about what it could be about.  
  
Bucky seems surprised, so much in fact that he takes his time to get up and makes a hand movement to get Sam to follow him out of the Fury’s, a juice bar they spent way too many Saturday afternoon.  
  
Finding a private place in a mall wasn’t easy considering the day so they had to practically get out to find a spot.  
  
“Talk” Bucky says and if Sam didn’t knew better, he would say that the long haired teenager looked nervous.  
  
“I want to apologize”  
  
If Bucky was surprised, he doesn’t show it.  
  
“What for?”  
  
“I thought, somehow, that you were responsible for being my soulmate. Obviously, we are not a match at all but it wasn’t a reason to take it out on you. I am not asking you to be my lover, not even my friend, I just want you to know that, soon, we won’t have to see each other again and I already wasted so much energy on trying to fight you...anyway, I wish you to be happy. Maybe we can just, I don’t know, stop being dicks to each other?”  
  
There. The surprise. And something else, something dark for a second. All Bucky says is “okay”. Sam wasn’t expecting that so he does a weird little bow before going back to their friends.

  
By the time they are back, Steve was being convinced by Clint to go his party the following week end.  
Of course, if Steve was coming, Bucky was too. It had only been a shock to Sam when Bucky asks him himself if he will go as well. Almost as if he wanted him there.

  
Nobody could believe that Sam and Bucky are at odds by the way Sam smiles and nods. Which is exactly why everybody knows something weird must have happened. They doesn’t comment on it.  It feels nice, not fighting someone like he used to. He starts to feel some peace of mind, even waving Bucky when they separate ways later that day.


	3. Clint's party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's smut in this chapter so be careful I guess

Sam feels hopeful during the following days, lighter than he has been since knowing and accepting that Bucky was in fact his soulmate. The change gave their friends whiplash since it was the first time that they actually saw Sam engage with Bucky like he did with any of them, joking and teasing without any malice behind. Seeing the attitude being reciprocate was even more of a shock. Sam was beaming at everyone and the words start spreading that they must have worked some kind of arrangement.

Since there wasn’t that many people with a soulmark at the school, having two of them actually finding each other was regularly a source of gossip, even amongst the professors, one of them felt appropriate to tell Sam that they were glad he changed his attitude toward Bucky and another one clearly smiled when they saw both of them next to each other, talking about whatever. Bucky wasn’t giving them any acknowledgment only answering “this is none of their business” when Sam tried to talk about it. While Sam definitely agreed, he could also understand why something like that would interest some people.

Sam doesn’t even hesitate to sit next to Bucky during lunch, stealing playfully one of his fries. Bucky stole in retaliation a sip of his iced tea and no one dared say a word about it. Well, except Steve.

“Thank you, both of you, you don’t know how much it means for us to see you finally happy. I am so proud of you for working out your issues”

Sam had to pause because, honestly, they didn’t work shit. They just stopped being jerk. But, oh well, it still counted as a win, does it?

He looks at Bucky and offers him a soft smile, the teenager just shrugs and starts to eat again, face a little pinker.

 

* * *

 

 

Clint catches him Friday morning. They usually talks about a lot of things but not anything soulmate related so he is surprised to hear him ask “You fine with having a soulmate you probably won’t date?”

Sam blinks “Well, this is not ideal but it is what it is, we will be awesome bros…maybe”

“So you both are going to see others people then?”

“I don’t want him to be alone forever” he laughs “and I don’t want to be alone either so, yeah, we are going to date other people and if we marry someone else we may be each other best man, I mean, if we don’t take Steve”

Clint squints his eyes at him “You take that suddenly very well, I mean, I am happy, don’t get me wrong, because I don’t want you two to ruin my birthday but it’s…a change”

Sam put a hand on Clint’s shoulder “don’t worry, we are good now”

He means it. No more fighting with James “Bucky” Barnes.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He gets at Clint’s house kind of early. Only Natasha and another man Sam doesn’t see often are already here and they were finishing to prepare the “officially” non-alcoholic punch. The party itself was supposed to be strictly in the basement but Clint did invite a little too much people and soon, they were found in the backyard and the living room too, even if they kept it more low key outside of the basement.

Sam was going in the kitchen, looking for refills to bring downstairs when one of Clint’s friend, starts a conversation.

“I think I did a nice job here, can you have a taste and tell me what you think of it?” he proposes to Sam, showing him a bowl with a bubbly pink liquid.

“Should I be worried about what’s in there?” Sam asks, teasing the bigger man in front of him.

He replaces his semi long dark hard behind his ear. He has a nice smile, amber skin and features making Sam look a little too much. He is also buff and Sam doesn’t want to smile as much as he does because this isn’t the time to be thirsty.

“Nah, I promise there’s nothing illegal in here” he says before adding a wink.

A wink.

 

There’s a light flirting here, nothing too serious, just a nice exchange. John, because it’s his name, stays by his side a lot after that, and clearly, he is flirting with him. Touching him with no real reason and following him around. Natasha raises an eyebrow and Clint gives them a thumb up. They even dance together, alone because the rest of the people here either are shy or not the dance type. They don’t care.

 

Then, Bucky arrives with Steve, a little late.

Sam can see Bucky eyes going from him to John when he says hello and if he hadn’t turn his head afterward, he wouldn’t have caught him whispering something to Steve. He wondered what that was but then some of Clint’s friends brought more alcohol and the second part of the party begun. Sam loses sight of the nice John and convinces Natasha and T’Challa, to dance with him.

“Can I have a dance?” A stunning black women Sam had never see before asked T’Challa who suddenly stops goofing around and clears his throat.

Sam and Natasha gave him a knowing smile and nod while walking away.

“I know where Clint’s parents are keeping the good stuff” she casually says, taking Sam hand to make him follow.

“Maybe we shouldn’t touch that”

“I know his parents and they know their own son and me, if they left something, they want us to take it” she shrugs.

Sam isn’t absolutely convinced by that but follow anyway. They have to get out of the basement and in a room behind the kitchen. Natasha seems to perfectly know what she is doing, she opens the door but one, she can’t do it fully and two, someone swears loudly from the other side.

“We’re busy!” a voice says.

That voice sounds like John Sam notices.

“Who’s in there?” Natasha asks, pushing the door again until she can open it fully.

Inside, John, without his shirt and…

“Bucky?!” Natasha is so surprised she takes a step back. It allows John to get out while Bucky follows, a smile on his face.

“Can’t a guy have some privacy?”

Sam feels his soul almost leave his body before falling back fast and hard. This isn’t happening. This can’t be real. Of all the people he could have been ditched to, once again, it was Bucky.

 

Bucky Barnes the heterosexual.

 

At that very moment, he feels an anger he never have felt before. He feels betrayed in a way he can’t explain and he knows it shouldn’t be as angry, he promises he would behave but Bucky’s smile, looking right at him completely shut down his mind. He wants to hurt Bucky.

He makes his way to him, mostly by pushing John away and punch Bucky hard in the face.

“Sam!” he hears Natasha calls, but it’s too late, he won’t stop now.

He punch and kick and Bucky hit him back. People are shouting, tugging at him but each time his skin touch Bucky he feels more energy to fight. He is sure that at least two person got hit accidentally as they are moving in their ugly brawl but he can’t care now. He finishes on top of him, punching again when he feels arms catching him.

“SAM” Steve shouts and for the first time he stops to look at him. He only registers his shocked face before Bucky pushes his whole body upward and make him fall.

“You want to fight? I’m not done” he says, spiting blood somewhere on the kitchen ground.

Natasha is holding him, T’Challa tries to block his view while Steve comes near Sam.

“You are a piece of shit Barnes, fuck you” he manages to say, trembling from his head to his toes, before pushing Steve away and walking quickly out of the kitchen to Clint’s bedroom.

 

He feels his whole body buzzing, he knows someone is after him and he expects Steve to stop him but no, he can enter the messy bedroom of his friend before hearing someone lock the door behind them.

“I swear Steve, if you try to give me a lesson right now…”

“Do you think I am happy to have YOU as a soulmate?” Bucky’s angry voice asks behind him, making Sam turns so fast he almost fall.

“What the fuck Bucky? What.The.Fuck? I said I was sorry for the shit I did and what did you do? Uh? You make out with the only guy who seemed interested by me, YOU’RE NOT EVEN GAY”

“First of all, he was the one coming to me so he wasn’t all that into you. Secondly, you know nothing about me” he groans.

Sam feels in the middle of two possibilities. Cry or fight Bucky again. He won’t give Bucky the satisfaction of see him crying, but something break inside of him all the same.

He pushes Bucky “What do you want me to do then?” he pushes him again “Uh, Bucky?” he pushes him until his body hit the door “What, do you want from me?”

Bucky’s eyes are wild, his breath heavy “I want you gone. I want you out of my fucking skin Wilson”

Sam laughs “Man…Too bad you’re mine then”

He feels this urge, a very primal instinct he had felt occasionally but never this strong.

_Mine._ His mind supply. He knows people aren’t object, he knows it, he swears. But with Bucky…

He kisses him. He taste a little like beer and a lot like blood. Bucky doesn’t push him back. No. He is answering the kiss, his hands are keeping Sam against his body. The moan the man let escape makes Sam crazy.

“You shouldn’t have kissed him” Sam warns.

“But you could have?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“If I can’t kiss someone else, neither can you” Bucky announces.

“Did you notice that John is a dude?”

Bucky takes Sam hand and shove it down his pants on his very hard and erect cock “Do you know what it’s like questioning your sexuality solely because of someone the universe thought was the one for you? Do you know how unwelcoming you were?”

“This is some bullshit right here Bucky, some master bullshitery even” Sam scoffs, Bucky’s mouth on his neck. He tries to take off his t shirt but got frustrated half way through and let it go, instead touching Bucky again and again.

He doesn’t fully understand how he finds himself opening Bucky’s jean and yanking it down, putting himself on his knees in the process and starts to lick him before taking him in his mouth. He is in a train he can’t stop and he can’t believe Bucky is the first man he ever goes that far with sexually.

“You really want to keep argue with my cock in your mouth?”

“I can multitask” he says in between bobs, Bucky’s right hand in on his head, the other against the door “You are the worst. You started all of this”

Bucky takes time before answering, probably because Sam can make his eyes rolls back with how good he is making him feel.  He has to fight his own body not to give in and cum here, in Sam’s mouth. He shouldn’t have complained, Sam stops, turns him with authority.

His fist hit the door “You ain’t fucking me Wilson”

“I won’t. Do you want me to stop?” he asks angrily right before stuffing his hot wet tongue in Bucky’s ass. He like the way he jumps at the contact.

Bucky is swearing to gods he doesn’t even believe in by now, he never thought about letting someone do this and he should protest, he really should. He feels ashamed and excited. Scared and horny.

“You really are an asshole Sam, you know that?”

“I guess I am what I eat”

“This is horrible” Bucky half moan, half laugh, still trying to pick up the strength to stop this madness instead of putting all of his will into not spreading his ass for his Soulmate. “You think you’re better than me but here you are, Sam, having sex with me”

“I don’t care about you” Sam says while getting up, body against body.

“You are in love with me” Bucky accuses, head against the door, ass slightly push back, then moving to be even more in contact with Sam’s body.

 “I hope not” Sam whispers in his ears as he position himself, passing his forearm in front of Bucky’s mouth. The long haired man bites him as he feels Sam’s dick against what had been a one way street his entire life making Sam shouts louder than him.

“You bit me?!”

“Your dick is touching my hole, this isn’t a feeling I’m used to”

Sam starts to thrust, letting his arm in front of Bucky, feeling his mouth against it. Slowly at first “You okay?” he asks, because, damn, he never felt so good. He is playing way too much, especially since he tries not to actually go “inside”.

“Oh, so now you care?”

“Answer the damn question Barnes” The tone is harsh but Sam free hands is touching Bucky with reverence almost. For all of their bravado, it’s still a nerve breaking situation for the both of them.

“Slowly, please”

Sam nods against Bucky’s back, making sure he does thing as right as he can. His body is so tense Sam makes sure to kiss him and caress him for a few minutes without saying anything. After that, Bucky starts moving along more naturally.

“For the record,” Bucky continue “I am not yours”

“Are you sure about that?” Sam passes a hand on his ass, on the hot hole pulsing at the touch, getting Bucky on his toes and hissing from pleasure.

“Don’t stop” is all Bucky says, one hand on the door, the second on his dick. The sensation of Sam’s pelvis againgst his ass again, and the feeling of his soulmate cock between them or between his tights makes him cum in long hot squirt on Clint’s door “Come on Sam, cum for me, I know you want to”

Sam grabs himself, masturbating furiously, grabbing Bucky’s like a life line before squirting on his ass and lower back.

“Why does it have to be you?” he asks, suddenly not feeling so cocky, his dick still against Bucky. He just got his first time with someone, this is wrong.

“I hate you so much”

“I don’t want to be in love with you”

“Me neither!”

Despite their words, their hands are connected. Sam is almost draped over Bucky, despite being smaller. He sees Bucky’s mark fly on his skin from his shoulder to his hand where, his own meet him instead of being on his tight. For the first time, he sees the birds he shares with Bucky. They even exchange body, jumping from one to the other. They aren’t black, like when Bucky showed him, they have green, red and purple shifting colors.

Bucky looks at it too. And the vision make Sam’s heart hurt so bad he feels the need to get away from him.

“I’ll get you some paper” he says. Bucky nods before letting him get out (no one is here) to run to the bathroom.

 

By the time he is back, Bucky is nowhere to be found.


	4. Seven years

It was paining him to admit it but his sister was right, lighter colors did make his apartment look bigger.

“This is a cave, if I had known you were looking for a cave I would have brought your uncle and your nieces, they love to do some exploration” his mother had “innocently” said when they visited the apartment the first time. He didn’t want to admit that the idea of a place making him feel cut from the world was, at least at that time, what he was looking for.

 

He was supposed to be better than that now.

 

He had a new job and now a place (instead of being back at his mom’s house). He was feeling content enough to paint the walls according to his sister’s suggestion. She did, in fact, most of the deco. Somehow it felt a little homier, it brought a sense of nostalgia to be exposed to his sister’s taste. At least when he decided to stay home, he didn’t felt like some darkness were ready to eat him whole. A feeling less and less welcome even if he had been looking for it during several months following the loss of his boyfriend. But now he truly felt ready to start a brighter page of his life without too much guilt.

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you finally coming to one’s of Danny’s party?” Mercedes asks while they are leaving the office “it isn’t even a real party, more like a gathering of friends, nothing too fancy, nothing too festive. I mean, there’ll be champagne don’t get me wrong, but it’s not like, you know, too much”

 

“You should trademark that, it’s catchy” he starts singing “nothing too fancy, nothing too festive...”

 

“You are deflecting” she cuts “You said you were ready Sam, you even went out with guys already so why not come?” She insistes, knowing that it would be the only way to push Sam to agree, if only to stop her being annoying.

 

“Because you want to introduce me to someone and I don’t want to put you guys in a weird position when it will lead to nothing, again” he says truthfully.

 

“There’s no way you don’t get at least friend with The Cap. He is great, for a white guy I mean”

 

“As great as Danny?” He asks only to annoy her back. Who calls themselves “The Cap” anyway? Seems weird. She gives him a pointed look “Okay, okay, know what? Next time text me and if I’m available I’ll come” he concedes, accepting defeat while still hoping she will just forget about it.

“Great, there’s something Friday night” she announces, putting her arm under his.

Misty always win.

 

 

* * *

 

 

What was the right dose of effort and don’t-carism appropriate for those events? Sam didn’t know but he also didn’t want to put, visually, the bar too high and look like a try-hard.

Black shirt, black jean, black Converse. It was done.

 

Bottle of red wine in a bag, he uses the codes to enter the ultra-recent and modern looking building Danny Rand was living in. He doesn’t feel really nervous, Danny is a friend and Misty will be here, Luke too with his date so even if it was kind of coupl-y, he isn't feeling too pressured. He doesn’t have a lot to lose after all.

It occurs to him that he hadn’t ask for a picture of the guy but knowing Misty, he wouldn’t be ugly at least.

 

“I almost started to think that you were ditching us” she welcomes, kissing his cheeks.

Danny is right behind, all smile, almost taking his hand to bring him in the living room. He always been quite touchy. “I wasn’t doubting you, glad you could make it” he says.

 

Sam sees Luke first then a beautiful woman with long black hair next to him. He greets them, and tries to quickly get to know Luke’s friend. Her name is Claire and Sam compliments her genuinely.

 

“Don’t touch, Sam, your date is in the restroom, he is coming back” Luke playfully says, planting a kiss on Claire’s lips.

“They told me you were nervous about meeting him but he is great don’t worry” she adds and he wants to believe her immediately even knowing her for a whole minute only.

 

And yeah, surely the guy appears in a “Sorry, hope I didn’t took too long”

He stops, like Sam stops too to look at the big beefy blond facing him.

 

His throat squeezes itself painfully when he asks “What happened to you?!”

 

“Guess you’re still alive after all, Samuel” it sound like an accusation.

He deserves that.

 

“You already know each other?” Misty asks, looking at the two of them.

 

“Yeah, I know him very well. This little shit is my best friend soulmate”

 

Danny and Luke gasps at the same time and Sam is still analyzing Steve who had been a little skinny guy when they met the first time, and yeah, he had develop in the years they spend together but how could he now look like an Abercrombie model?

 

“You have a soulmate?!” Misty continues.

 

“Guess you weren’t expecting me here" Steve continues without caring about the others "Are you going to disappear again? Should I try to block the way just in case?” 

 

“When did you disappeared the first time?” Danny asks this time, right next to Misty.

 

The thought that his old friends may be pissed at him did hit him when he decided to change college at the last minute and change state too. So many years later, he hadn’t forget them, he just couldn’t find the courage to come back in their life.

 

“I am sorry Steve”

 

“Nice of you to apologize now. You wouldn’t have needed to if you didn’t ghost us all, do you even mean it?”

 

“Maybe we can sit, open the bottle of wine and let Sam explain his side? Yeah? Sounds like a fascinating story”

 

Danny agrees to Misty’s proposition and Luke walks with Claire to the large table. Sam feels Steve right behind him when they walk and he seats in front of him.

No pressure at all.

 

 

“So, Sam, tell us your side of your story, I am all ears” Steve prompts, red wine in front of him. He looks like he is ready to take notes and counter attack each one of his sentences.

 

Sam tries to be as objective as possible when he tells what happened in high school. He doesn’t make excuses, doesn’t twist the truth to seem more glorious, it wouldn’t work even if the idea came to him since Steve was having none of his shit anyway.

Misty is shaking her head since he talked about Bucky at the beginning of the story. Danny is absorbing each words, no doubt analyzing Sam body language too at the same time.

Luke is whispering « Sweet Christmas » for the fifth time and Claire tries not to judge but her glass is the emptiest of all of them, her eyebrow doing complicated things.

 

Sam wonders how can they know Steve and Bucky and never made the connection with him but at the same time, he doesn't know Misty for that long all things considered. He finishes his story by talking about his job and meeting Misty.

 

Steve looks directly at Sam so Sam does it too, it’s the first time he tells what happened. He doesn’t feel lighter at all at the end of it, he just has a dry mouth.

 

« This explain some things » Misty admits while Danny practically runs to get another bottle.

 

« I don’t know if I’m surprised or not that you would run away from your soulmate » Luke admits « but man, this is kind of fucked up »

Danny takes his place back, opening the bottle to serve them.

 

« Maybe you two should talk privately. Obviously you must have a lot to catch up » Claire proposes, not knowing how right she is.

 

« And for the records, we are sorry for thinking that you would have been a cute couple » Dany says earnestly.

 

« Well technically, you weren’t that far off. Back in the day we were kind of good friends » Sam recalls with the saddest smile ever.

 

Steve shakes his head visibly annoyed « Kind of friends? Man, we were as close as one could be without dating. Don’t try to minimize our relationship like we were just colleague and it’s not a big deal that you left us »

 

« This isn’t what I’m saying at all but since you look seconds away from exploding and try to murder me, say what you want to say » Sam claps back. Here or in private, Steve won’t hold back anyway so why not expressing himself right here?

 

« I need some air » he answers while getting up and out on the spacious and nicely decorated balcony.

 

All of the heads turns to Sam “What?”

 

“Really Sam, you don’t know what you should do right now?” Luke says dubious.

 

Of course Sam knows what he  _should_ do. Doesn’t mean he is ready to do it now. If he is being honest, the fact that Steve still references Bucky as his best friend to that very night frighten Sam. He can’t let Steve back in his life (or be back in Steve’s life) without having to face Bucky again one day or another.

He tries to remember that the relationship he has with Steve isn’t and shouldn’t be factored by both of their relationship with Bucky.

He had cut off friends because of what happened between his soulmate and him and it was wrong. He knows that. At least, he thinks he knows.

 

 

When he joins Steve outside, he still takes the time to admire the view. So many lights, so many people. But so few meaningful relationships, be it friendly one or others.

 

“I know what I did was wrong”

 

“But you still never came back” Steve answers even colder than before.

 

“It was becoming toxic and I was so tired. Tired of putting you guys in the middle of this, tired of feeling that attraction toward him and behind unable to know for sure what is was, tired of wasting my time with a war I couldn’t win”

 

“I was your friend Sam. You tossed me to get rid of him too, this is not okay” Steve says turning to him.

 

“I did. I am sorry. I can’t go back in time. I don’t know how to fix things now”

 

Steve sights “Me neither. I thought so much about seeing you again Sam...I’m just disappointed. Hurt and disappointed”

 

Sam put his head down. He knows Steve is right. You can’t have someone coming to eat almost every Sunday with your family for two years and just leave.

His own family had bugged him about it but they quickly understood that something bad had happened then, especially with the whole "going far away".

 

« I’ll go but if one day you want to get coffee or something, ask Misty my number”

 

“You think you can just say sorry and everything’s good?”

 

“Of course not, this is why I am trying to make things right”

 

He sees Steve turning back to look at the city again, the wind blowing his longer hair. It felt surreal to have been able to spend all this time without him in his life. They aren’t even in good terms and still, Sam can’t imagine to let him go again now. 

 

He gets back inside, only to say goodbye. They understand that his situation might be more complicated than what they thought.

 

He feels miserable and allows himself to sit on his way back to cry and, not for the first time, wonders how he could have been that inconsiderate.

 


	5. Old friends

 

Steve contacts Sam two weeks after the infamous night with a short “about that coffee” message.

 

He immediately knows its Steve despite not having his number previously and the lack of context, no “hello”, no “it’s Steve by the way”. He smiles to himself, happy to have at least, the opportunity to talk to him. He has no idea what Steve expects and can only suppose that this is to try to see if they can save something. He really can’t hope for more.

 

He has to leave early and Misty doesn’t even question him, looking at him go in a hurry. Somehow, he wouldn’t be surprised if she had a hand in Steve proposition since he knows for a fact that Steve, at least before, could hold a grudge for a very long time. Maybe he decided to see Sam just by himself, maybe Misty had to push him a little.

 

He takes extra care to be at his maximum when he meets him. More and he would have to pull out a suit. He doesn’t even put that much effort in his own dates but his friendship with Steve is like realizing that you just thrown the winning ticket accidentally.

 

He hesitates for some long minutes before actually coming in.

 

He has no speech ready, no idea who Steve is now after all this time. He just walked here thinking _I am going to see him again_ and that is it. Finally, he decides to go inside.

 

The first thing Steve does when he sees him arrive at the little coffee they agreed on, is ask if he tries to impress someone. Sam stops dead in the middle of the place. Maybe it’s the new physique but he isn’t used to see Steve like that, his voice changed and it makes him think twice before answering.

 

“Yeah, I want you to keep me around if only for my good look”

 

This isn't the good answer.

 

“First, if you don’t want to take this seriously you can go back from where you came and secondly, you are the one who left Sam” he respond without any humor.

 

Sam doesn’t expect the situation to be easy so he sits slowly while asking pardon.

 

“I do take this seriously, and I know it’s my fault. I am sorry and nervous as hell, please, let's just forget what I just said. I’ll do anything you want Steve, I’m serious, anything”

 

Steve plays with his spoon “I need honesty Sam. That's all. I don’t want you back in my life if you’re going to pull another thing like that. There’s growing distant from people and there’s wondering if your friend is even alive and why they couldn’t even call you before taking that kind of decision. You deleted your social media accounts, changed your fucking number. You changed college without even telling me” Steve takes a deep breathe to calm himself “I won’t go through that again”

 

Sam feels tears gather in his eyes but he doesn’t want to cry. He wants Steve to know he is serious and not try to soften him with tears “I understand. I know what I did was stupid. I regret it”

“So why doing it in the first place?”

A waiter arrives, taking Sam command. Steve is still as focused after they are gone.

“When we met, you already had Bucky, but he wasn’t here with us, right? So we got to be closer and do things just the two of us. Then he came and everything was different. You were spending so much time with him and I couldn’t understand why. He never was funny or charming or normal with me, he always treated me like my very existence annoyed him” Sam waits Steve to acknowledge that part before following “then, he was always there, the only moment I could see you without him was when you were invited to eat at my house. Anyway, I didn’t liked Bucky one bit and things got fucked up really quick between us but you were always there for him”

“As I was there for you Sam”

“Yes, but this is not the point, the point is, You, Natasha, T’Challa, Clint… You loved Barnes. When I told you about my mark, you knew how much it meant to me. So having him as a soulmate…I could barely bear it you know? I did try to make things better because of you guys, not because I suddenly liked Bucky but because I knew I had nothing to win and just everything to lose. Then it was only three or two months before high school would end and we were supposed to not see each other again so it felt pointless to fight”

“Yeah and Bucky did manage to go to the same college as me, the one you were supposed to go as well” Steve accuses.

“Okay but you told me that when exactly? Not that long before Clint’s party. Do you know what happened that night?”

Steve has to think about it, he finally answer “Bucky made out with some guy you wanted”

“Yeah, and?”

"And you two had a fight"

"Okay, and then?"

“And then what?” Steve asks, frustrated, not understanding where this is going.

“You know I left the room after the fight, you had to see Bucky leave too right after me right?”

Steve frowns “I don’t remember that”

The waiter comes back with Sam orders, he lets the cold drink fill his mouth before swallowing.

“So Bucky never told you what happened after that?”

“No…not really. I just remember him leaving the party early that’s all”

Sam laughs at that “Well, it wasn’t our proudest moment”

“What the hell could happen that terrible that you decided to change college Sam? Without a word”

Sam cuts him “We had sex” 

“Sorry, what?” Steve asks blinking and almost knocking his glass out. At least they were in a corner and not in the middle of other customers.

“I went into Clint’s room, he followed me, we argued again, we had sex, he was my fucking first time, I felt bad, I didn’t want to look at him and I felt like I was being played by some cosmic entity because I couldn’t process that I had sex with someone I thought was a homophobe and that I thought I kind of hated”

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose “Oh my God. This is why he had his hoe phase that summer. This is why he was acting so weirdly when we talked about you…this is why he agreed with Natasha not to look for you that quickly. Fuck”

“I was scared and angry Steve, I am in no way saying that it was the good decision, only that I didn’t want to be around him and when I started college, I felt more and more stupid and I convinced myself that it wasn’t that bad but it was. I am sorry”

“I wish you would have talk to me. You are important Sam, no matter what you think, you had your own place in my heart, just like him. I wouldn’t have thought badly of you then, even if I don’t understand how that could have happen”

The silence following that is too long, Sam wonders if Steve is pondering if he should hold on that grudge or not.

 “So what now?” Steve asks.

“I don’t plan on changing my number anytime soon if you wanna call” Sam jokes to lighten the mood. It doesn’t work “Too soon?”

“Too soon” Steve confirms.

Sam nods, goes silent. Takes the time to observes the man facing him “You know you weren’t half ugly when you were a teenager but now…I am genuinely impressed, like…wow, the universe must been owning you something from a previous life”

“Guess I had a late puberty” he answers in his coffee, face slightly red “plus I had some frustration to get out of my chest”

“Oh? Tell me you have a twin brother, I’ll tap that”

Steve look at Sam suddenly, eyes big “W…What?”

Bingo.

“I mean, look at those eyes, that little mouth…the arms, man, I bet you give great cuddles now”

Steve face if fully red when he asks “Are you joking?”

Sam starts to laugh “Yeah, I’m messing with you. Don’t get me wrong, you are a beautiful specimen but uh…I just don’t want to…you know…fuck you”

“Excuse me? First of all, I’m great, you would be lucky” Steve answers, half joking, half bruised ego, it set an easier conversation making both of them smile and laugh and go into passionate rants.

 

Steve hasn't forgive him, but at least he doesn't look as murderous.

 

They leave the coffee a good hour later, Sam feels more nervous once outside. He can only hope he managed to convinced him of his good intentions “I miss you Steve” he admits, looking at the street in front of them “I can’t go back in time and undid what happened. I’ll be one call away if you ever need me. Anytime”

He gives a pat on Steve shoulder and starts to leave, not wanting to put any kind of pressure on him. He can’t do three steps before something collides with him from his back.

“If you run away again, I’ll chase you and I’ll kill you myself. Or worse, I’ll ask Natasha to do it. She knows people and we will never find the body”

“This the worst hug ever” Sam answers, smiling and feeling suddenly raw with emotion, using his sleeve and gravity to keep his tears inside.

Steve let him turn to give a proper goodbye. When Sam sees him walking away to the train station, he welcomes the happiness he feels. There’s a weight he was carrying who disappears and even if he is under no illusion that years can’t be erased only because of one coffee, he is certain of one thing, he won’t let Steve down again.

 

* * *

 

Misty is pleased to know that he is currently working toward making things better with Steve “honestly, if you two had beef, I would have judged you first. I know for a fact that he is the nicest guy around”

“But, you are already judging me anyway” Sam comments while she gives him a big smile, a “I know you know” face and hand gesture, partially mocking him.

 

* * *

 

 

They were taking things slow. A coffee here, an advice there, a drink with Danny and Luke…They ended up meeting each week for the third time now, catching up on life and who they were currently, which wasn’t as easy as it sounds since the _love_ topic as a whole was kind of a taboo for now. Sam sensed several occasion were Steve wanted to asks something or talk about “the subject”.

He would need to take the extra step about that.

Steve receives a message while they are at the bar and, not for the first time, he seems extra careful not to let Sam see anything about it. It doesn’t stop him from looking at him funnily right after.

Sam theorized that he only went away when Bucky called. Steve always named his friends except one. “I’m living with…a friend”, “I saw that movie with a friend” or “My friend wanted to have a cat, but I am allergic”

Sam would nod, not pushing to know more, nervous to acknowledge the whale in the room.

 

 

“So” Steve started as soon as Sam answered the phone “Natasha is back for a week from London, she wants to do an after work today”  
  
Sam sees the trap for what it is “And you are giving me that information because...”  
  
“Don’t you want to see Nat?” Steve asks surprised. The very idea of Sam saying anything besides “yes” seems ludicrous.  
  
Sam prefers to be careful “Does she wants to see me?”  
  
“Of course!”  
  
“Does she plan to hurt me?” Sam asks again, unsure.  
  
“Of course!” Steve answers all the same.  
  
Sam rolls his eyes even if Steve couldn’t see him. He does want to see Natasha but until now, Steve had been the only friend he had seen from before. To see Natasha was to go one step closer to see Bucky again. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that but he agrees to the after work. Once again, he corrects himself for bringing everything back to Bucky. This isn’t about him right now.  
“Who is gonna be there?” He asks with his nervousness showing too much for his taste.   
  
“Only us three. If you want to”  
There’s a proposition here Sam kind of wants to accept, but the idea of facing Natasha AND possibly Bucky at the same time after having seen neither of them for years doesn’t seems that smart, especially since things seems a little fresh between Steve and him.  
  
“Yeah, tonight if it could be just us...but uh...you know...I mean, I know I’ll have to, eventually...see the others”  
  
There’s a pause and Sam can’t even hear Steve breathe. Finally he says “When you’re ready” and it makes Sam smile.  
  
“Thank you”  
  
“Sending you the info by text. See you later »

  
  
Part of him does feel better but another one is in chaos. That part is thinking about Bucky and all the ways things could and should have been different. After more than seven years he couldn’t identify for himself if he was now that different from the teenager he had been. He sure hoped so because he couldn’t fall in the same behaviors they had when they were younger.  
  
Right now, he had to concentrate on planning the rest of the day between finishing work and joining Nat and Steve, he needs to find a gift for her. Something which would, at the very least, makes her hesitant to kill him right here and right now.

 

* * *

  
  
He is so stressed about meeting her that he arrives twenty minutes early. He decides to walk around in the meantime to calm himself.  
Ten minutes before the rendez vous, he can’t wait anymore and just goes in the bar, securing a table for three in a corner and commanding a drink.  
  
They arrive together at 7pm, Steve with a white polo and a black jean, always looking like he is still wearing clothes for his younger body frame and next to him, he has to take a double take because Natasha isn’t a redhead anymore, she has short icy blond hair and even if her body itself hadn’t changed that much, it was weird how a hair color could make your whole body emit something very different.  
  
He sees the bartender point them to him and they approach. Steve with a warm smile and Natasha...  
“Sam Wilson, in the flesh. I almost can’t believe my own two eyes”  
  
“Hey, Natasha. You are looking beautiful, as always. Uh, I...I got something” he welcomes nervously, feeling his palms sweat. He takes the little package next to him to give it to her “It’s not much but I couldn’t imagine seeing you again and come empty handed” he tries to smile but it feels strange even to him.  
  
“You didn’t gave me any present!” Steve notices. Sam is almost one hundred percent sure that Steve is actually joking and not jealous. Almost.  
  
“Shh” Natasha says, taking the gift “He knows he needed an offering to make me hold on the murder” she smiles, gives Sam a wink and open the present because Natasha always been a curious woman.  
Inside, there’s a floral satin scarf from a high fashion brand Sam never brought before today. It’s elegant and really, really expensive.  
  
“Sam...Come on, it really wasn’t necessary. A bag of candy and I would have been kind of good you know?” She says while touching the foulard softly and frowning “I can’t accept that”  
  
“Yes, you can and you will. It’s the start of my sorry speech actually”  
  
He needs to insist a bit more but she finally accept. Then he properly explains her what happened after Clint’s birthday, without the sex part because he doesn’t think Bucky would appreciate him talking about that, even if he already did with Steve.  
  
“You know, Clint and Steve wanted me to find you. I said no because I felt like things got to a too extreme point between Bucky and you to just try to fix things back then. I even had to convince Tony and T’Challa not to do it for them because I hoped that respecting your need for space was the right choice but...” she stops, not finding the words to make him understand that she made a bet and helped him, even blocking their friends for him but it cost her.  
  
“Thank you, I really appreciate that. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have changed college last minute like I did and I should have talk to you regardless. Like I said to Steve, I can’t ask for forgiveness but I’m trying to do things better now”  
  
“Does that mean that you are going to talk to Bucky?” She asks frankly, getting Steve to finish his own drink in one last go.  
  
“I will. I just don’t know when”  
  
“Good. I don’t know what Steve told you about him but after Clint’s party, he had a hard time and then a harder time and...well, even if you don’t believe it, he wasn’t better with you out of the picture” she drinks her sparkling water “anyway, enough of that for now, I am happy to see you, both of you, A lot happened in London...”

  
  
Turns out, Natasha is working for a government agency were she does “paperwork”. Neither Sam nor Steve believes that and they does a lot of innuendo and physical air quotes.  
  
“Tell the truth, you’re a spy” Sam says with a giant smile after their third alcoholic drink.  
  
“I am not! Why is everyone thinking that?”  
  
“Because you know things and people you shouldn’t. You always had been” Steve answers, while Sam nods with energy “but it’s okay, we won’t tell”  
  
“I remember a time when you two wouldn’t have dared make an alliance against me like that” she pouts without any hard feeling behind.  
  
“Yep but now we know that we are stronger together” Steve says easily. It does something funny inside Sam’s heart and when Steve shows his fist, he doesn’t hesitate to reciprocate and knock them together.  
  
« We are »

 

* * *

  
  
The night had been good. Gaining back his friends makes him proud and as if his place in the universe is well-adjusted.  
He is sad that Natasha wouldn’t stay for long but in the meantime, he wants to see more of her.

  
When he has the occasion, two days later she is wearing the gift he gave her and clothes matching it. « You look so good » he immediately says, honestly, and she blushes, turning on herself to make him (and other customers of the restaurant) admiring the view.  
  
He asks her about her next destination, Spain, and why a paperwork type of job would require to travel three times in two years.  
“They want me to be more of an operational on the field. I’m coming back more permanently after that mission, I think it’s time” she confesses.  
Sam congratulates her, making her know that he is happy to know she would be back but made sure she was happy with the decision herself.  
  
Eventually, the conversation changed to talk about Clint.  
“I don’t know if Steve told you but after high school, Clint left everything to join a circus. He is touring in Europe actually. If everything goes as we planned, we should see each other’s in Spain »  
  
He laughs, it was such a Clint’s thing to do. He wondered what his parents had to say about that but if he was still with the circus after all those years, he hoped it meant that he was happy.  
  
“So, talking about people we hadn’t seen in a while...” she says while finishing her meal “what about you know who?”  
  
Sam takes his time to answer since he had to actively think about it instead of saying the first dumb thing coming into his mind « Well, I guess I’ll see him around » maybe he shouldn’t try to drink the last drop of wine in his glass with desperation if he wants to keep the casual act on but there is no need to pretend it isn’t making him nervous.  
  
« If I may give you an advice, don’t wait too long. He knows that you’re back »  
  
He laughs « Is he waiting for me to go see him or something? » He asks surprised and still giggling.  
  
« What do you think? » she simply answers, letting the waiter take the now empty plates in front of them.  
  
Sam can’t hide his disbelief « I mean, I knew that there was no way I wouldn’t had to see him at one point but I just assumed that he didn’t felt the need to see me. Why would he? »  
  
« You are his soulmate »  
  
« So? People have free will, just because there is this link between us doesn’t mean that we have the obligation to be in each other life »  
He didn’t want to be that harsh but the idea that he could do nothing against a higher power deciding who was good or not for him had been less and less appealing with time. Natasha seems a little taken a back, touching the desert menu absentmindedly.  
  
« You don’t, this is true » she starts « you act like if it wasn’t for Steve and me, you would have simply never talked to him again in your life”  
  
Sam takes too long to answer and Natasha’s face harden after Sam’s mouth open with no sounds coming out of it.  
  
« Sam » she says almost sounding threatening but suddenly her face change to something more hurt « This is it, you had no intention of seeing any of us again, we only are having that conversation because Misty tried to hook you up with Steve! You wouldn’t have come back »  
  
«Nat, please slow down a second » Sam urges her, resisting the need to grab her hand «Yes, what Misty’s done was a coincidence but it was a good one. I honestly thought that it was better for you all not to be in the middle of Bucky and me if things went south one again. I would have come to you, just after I had the chance to talk to Bucky first and at least make sure we could be in the same place for five minutes without falling back into our bad behaviors »  
  
“The fact that you condition our friendship on your relationship with your soulmate is shitty Wilson” she bites.  
  
“I know. And I am sorry. This is why I’m doing things like this instead of following my initial plan. I want my relationship with you and Steve to be better and not run away anymore even if James and me...can’t work it out. I promise I’ll try. I wanted to come back sooner, I planned for it right after my graduation but…things didn’t...A lot happened” he says, stopping to breathe “It was complicated but the second I came back at my mom’s house, I knew that I would see you again”  
  
He looks in her eyes to be sure she understands and she finally nods as she asks for a last coffee.

  
  
  
The diner with Natasha lets Sam mentally tired. It wasn’t her fault, he just isn’t used to challenge what he thinks about his conception of a soulmate. Usually, people meet and almost all fell in love immediately. If not, they were the kind of friends to live in the same building and see the other a lot, like every day.  
  
Soulmates, by essence, tend to orbit around each other in a way or another. They always have some sort of influence on the other’s life whether they know it or not.  Until now, Sam recognizes that his influence on Bucky’s life hadn’t been good. At least, from his own perspective.  
  
Sam thought about that topic often, as usual, but after the diner, it’s in his mind every day. He knows that Natasha and Steve wouldn’t be around Bucky if he was a bad guy and after all, they were two to fuck things up and try to hurt the other, even if in the end, he felt like he was the one who did the final blow.  
  
Worst case scenario, he would see Bucky with Steve, Nat or Misty there and they would witness his fuckery if he hadn’t changed. Then they wouldn’t have any other choice that to leave him (not) deal with Bucky the way he wanted originally and not the way they thought was better.  
He can make an effort but he won’t accept a toxic relationship even if it’s with his soulmate.

  
  
The week after that seems to have at least three extra days.  
Work is busier than normal and they were organizing the opening of a new ecological metro line right next to his apartment. They must have been a bit late since he could hear them work until ten pm from Monday to Friday for the past three weeks.  
  
He has trouble sleeping because of the stressful period and isn’t exactly paying attention as much as he should to his surroundings. It took him five minutes to notice that his butt is on an uncomfortable surface on his own couch and, because he was looking at the news at the same time that he was trying to drink his coffee and check his mails, two more minutes to actually try to look at why something seemed to poke him in the ass.

  
A silver tablet.  
Steve’s tablet.

  
“Forgot it @home last night” he send him with a picture.  
  
The reply arrives a minute later “thank god, I fell asleep in the metro and thought I had been robbed”  
  
It makes him smile, they hadn’t drank that much but Steve was even more tired than him so it wasn’t a surprise that he had forgot something here.  
  
« Can you give me an immense service and bring it home to me? I really need it for this afternoon » Steve continues with multiples sad smileys.  
  
« Yeah of course, See u in forty” Sam says before getting ready quickly.  
  
Going to Steve’s would make him late but it was for a good cause so he does his best to be as fast as possible.

 

  
Steve and Sam are leaving only five station apart on the same line which was very fortunate.

Trying to keep his phone battery high, he activates plane mode before going out.  
  
He is lucky and arrives in only half an hour, using a young girl getting out of Steve’s building to enter without having to call him.  
He knows Steve is on the third floor so he takes the stairs and has no problem following the last text he got from him before leaving, giving him the instruction to his door.  
  
He knocks three times with conviction when a voice announced “COMING” from somewhere inside.  
  
It isn’t Steve’s voice.  
  
It had changed, of course, but he knows perfectly who that voice belongs to.  
  
A sudden panic takes possession of his legs and he finds himself rushing to the stairs, lunching himself again the door at the exact same moment Bucky get's out of the apartment.  
  
Sam heart is beating too hard in his chest as he is jumping from stairs to stairs, especially when he hears the door open. Was it the third floor or not, he couldn’t know. What he knows is that he still has the tablet and he feels extremely stupid.  
  
“FUCK” he mouths, hoping to find the mail box around.  
It’s with anxiety that he finds the Rogers/Barnes one and pray that he will be able to put the tablet inside.  
  
His heart is jumping at every sounds, "come on, come on" he pushes the precious package inside and run outside of the building, only stopping at the metro, sweaty.

  
  
Only then he deactivate the plane mode to let Steve know where his tablet actually is but another message pop up first “I’m not home, could you give it to Bucky? Plzzz” it was saying.  
Then another one “Did you just run away from the apartment without giving the tablet back?!”  
The last one was “Sam. Bucky told me he saw you by the window”

  
  
Sam is mortified. The shame almost makes him trip in the stairs. His fingers are trembling when he write “in ur mailbox” before putting his phone back in his pocket and sit to wait.  
_Why are you like this?_ He wonders, wishing he could go back in time, again.  
  
  
He could see himself run away at the sound of Bucky’s voice like a rabbit in front of a wolf. He could see himself jump to get even faster and shove the innocent tablet in the mailbox. He could see himself read Steve’s text and thought _No! WHY?!_  
  
The blond tried to call him two time during the day. After the second attempt where Sam doesn’t answer, he send a text “Samuel Thomas Wilson” which make Sam simultaneously roll his eyes and shivers. He still choose not to say anything because the shame is just too high. The second he sees the crying of laughter emoji sent by Misty, he knows he would never be able to let that mistake die.

  
Even work isn't a safe place.


	6. Unexpected

The next day, his mom called him while he was on his way to grab something for lunch. She starts by talking about his sister coming that Sunday.  
“Could you come too?” she proposes and Sam misses her so he agrees without difficulties until he hears “You told me you were seeing your friends again right? From highscool”  
  
“Yes Ma, I mean, until now I only saw Steve and Natasha. She’s in Spain currently but she’ll be back »  
He hears her humming along, clearly thinking about something.  
  
« You should propose Steve to come with you Sunday, I would love to see him again”  
  
Just his luck, there was no way Steve wouldn’t try to talk to him about the tabletgate. At the same time, it would be like back then. Steve used to come fairly often in highschool so it wasn’t totally out of the blue for his mom to actually propose that.  
  
“Okay I’ll ask him. I’m sure he would like that. I have to go, call you later Ma. Love you”  
  
He sends a message to his friend after that. He isn’t surprise to see him answer as fast as he does “Of course I’m coming, don’t think I forgot about my tablet”  
  
“It would have been too good to be true” Sam replies. It doesn’t stop him from actually be impatient. His family, his friend, a good meal, he couldn’t ask for more.  


* * *

  
  
They go to Sam’s mom together in his car. By Sunday, the incident is only far in the back of his mind and since Steve doesn’t talk about it, he doesn’t feel the need to bring it up so it’s perfect.  
  
The second his mom opens the door, her hand comes over her chest, shocked « Steve Rogers?! » she looks at him from his hair to his shoes « my, my, you didn’t told me little Steve had become an even finer man that he already was Sam » she says tapping her son’s shoulder.  
Steve was blushing hard but before he could say anything someone comes behind Darlene.   
  
« No way this is Steve, that man looks like a full meal » his sister, freshly single mind you, was already undressing him with her eyes.  
  
« Darlene, Sarah...Hi »  
  
« Come on in Steve » Sarah says but staying on his way so he has to pass through her to get inside.  
  
Sam never saw his sister that thirsty. He claps his hands in front of her face loudly.  
  
« Hi sis, it’s me, your brother. Do you remember? Or do you want me to leave you two alone? »  
  
« It’s so nice of you to propose that actually, I would like that. Bye Sam, brother of mine »  
  
While they are bickering, Darlene guides Steve in the living room, a glass of iced tea ready.  
  
« It’s been so long, I’m glad to see that you are okay » Darlene starts to say.  
  
« Too long indeed. I...after Sam left I didn’t know if it would have been okay for me to drop by. I am sorry » Steve answers, a little shame in the voice.  
  
« Nonsense, you are always welcome, even if my idiot of a son decides otherwise » she pointedly says while Sam has to fight his sister to sit next to Steve.

She loses.  
  
« I guess I am good for another round of “disappointing Sam” » he smiles without any warmth.  
  
« I told you Sam, actions have consequences, I haven’t seen your friend in years and it ain’t my fault. Beside, you knew it was coming so don’t have that attitude » Darlene chastises.  
  
Sam pouts but between his sister trying to seduce Steve and his mother enthusiastically telling way too many stories, he quickly calm himself and participates too.   
  
They are only four and his mother cooked for eight but Steve and Sam eats for two each and Steve even finds a way to discreetly eat more than that. That man is hungry.  
  
It’s not even desert and Steve already had to promises three times to come back soon.

 

  
  
Sam is in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher when his mother approaches him « Are you okay baby? »  
  
He stops, blinks « Why wouldn’t I? »  
  
« I know it’s a lot, especially because we are talking about the good old times. I hadn’t realized how much he was in your life back then. I missed him, he is a good man»  
  
« Yeah, he is »  
  
« It hadn’t been easy to you, to say goodbye »  
  
« I didn’t say goodbye. I just disappeared. All of this because I couldn’t handle being around one person. Even now, I know I have to see him and talk to him eventually but it’s like something is stopping me to actually do it. I don’t want to be a coward but when it comes to Bucky...something is wrong with me »  
  
Darlene comes closer to him, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder « Nothing is wrong with you. You just need a little help that’s all »  
  
Sam nods, smiling small « maybe I do »  
  
Darlene needs to talk to Steve, privately. She can’t imagine an excuse to be alone with him for five minutes but she can count on her daughter to do the Lord’s work. You should see the look of delight when Sarah receives her mission « Well, Of course mother I am glad to help »

  
So during the rest of the afternoon, Sarah Wilson is playing all the cards right to ask, the moment Steve announces that he should go back home, « Steve, we can’t let you disappear if my brother decides to stop being friend with you again »  
  
« I didn’t try to stop being his friend, why are you blatantly misrepresenting me?” Sam complains just when he thought they would stop teasing him about it.  
  
Sarah smiles at him before turning back to Steve “anyway, could you give us your phone number please?” She already is presenting her phone with the _Beefy Stevie_ contact ready.  
  
Steve doesn’t hesitate, even if he seems slightly embarrassed.  
  
“You better not be trying to date him Sarah” Sam warns with a pointed look.  
  
“You are so possessive and jealous Sam, relax. If you wants Steve all for yourself you should just say so”  
  
“Do you want me all for yourself Sam?” Steve asks batting his eyelashes making himself laugh.  
  
“The answer might surprise you” he replies ambiguously, just because.  
After all, he has no intention seeing Steve as anything beyond best friend / brother, even if he can objectively see the appeals.  


  
That night, in his bed, Sam smiles thinking of the day. He is glad his mother wanted Steve to come and that he gets along as well as before with her and his sister. It was simple and funny. He isn’t worried about Sarah having Steve number, even he she really wanted to pursue him romantically, it wasn’t his to decide whether she had the right or not. Anyone would be lucky to date Sarah or Steve anyway.

  
  
At the same time at the Mother Wilson house, a call is ending.  
  
“So? What did he say?”  
  
“He’s in”  
  
“Sam will freak out, you know he may even hates us for that right?”  
  
“Your brother needs a little push. If it doesn’t do any good, then we will apologize but before that, let’s give it a try”

 

* * *

  
  
The following week is kind of uneventful. He sees Danny, then help Luke and Claire doing some work in her apartment.  
Sam doesn’t complain, it feels good to just be, without a care in the world, letting time flow and not feeling the need to busy oneself because of a sense of emptiness.  
  
He is doing well. Even thinking about his past experiences brings him more acceptance than regrets and sadness. He is confident enough to truly believe that he would have done things differently, with Bucky, with Riley too even.  
  
Of course, he is in his good mood when his mother asks him to come the following Sunday. He doesn’t usually see her as often as that but why not? He loves his mother and hadn't planed anything else. He says yes and carry on with his day.  


* * *

  
He arrives at his mother’s house early but she doesn’t mind. She seems especially cheery today. He doesn’t question it at first. Then he passes in the kitchen and see that she cooked even more food than the last time with Steve.  
  
“Ma, why is there enough to feed an army here?” He asks while she is still navigating between the bathroom and her bedroom.  
  
“Uh” she starts “We have guests” she answers in some sort of dismissive tone who truly should have alerted Sam but he was in his own little bubble for a week now so why would he suspect anything?  
  
It doesn’t stop him to ask ten minute later “Is Sarah coming with someone?”  
  
“Yes but she will be late, she needed to help her friend Pia, you know the one getting married”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I remember she wanted the colors to be something like yellow and brown and Sarah was trying to convince her to change, no?”  
Sam falls for the change of conversation easily, zapping on tv while talking to his mom still in her bedroom.  
  
When she finally got out, Sam eyebrow knit in confusion.  
  
“Is the mariage today and I didn't know about it? You are way too beautiful” he says, looking at the elegant black two piece his mother was wearing. Her make up subtle and elegant.  
  
“Thank you. Isn’t it nice to put some effort from time to time?” She asks while looking at her, now up, son and tugging here and there as to make him more presentable which was silly, he is a grown ass man after all.  
  
“Ma, what is happening? Who is coming? Family? Because you know I do not like cousin Pete » he says insisting on the words _not like_.  
  
«Well, no» she disappears in the kitchen and bring Sam a small glass of a pink thick liquor with what looked like some sort of pastry, usually filled with coconut « Can you taste that and tell me what you think? »  
  
And Sam, because he loves food, taste the pastry. It’s not a desert, at all. Salty and tasty, it reminds him of a small calzone, paste, cheese, tomato sauce and sausage inside.  
He takes the drink then, it tastes like rum, coconut and something a little fruity maybe.  
« Okay, whatever this is I want a Tupperware of it and a small bottle of that, thank you mom »  
  
She smiles, patting his arm while he tries to get the last drop of it. Darlene Wilson knows her son and how to distract him just enough for the bell the ring.  
Sam turns his head toward the entrance and starts to walk to the door but his mother beat him to it, almost running to be first.

  
_Why is she that excited?_ he wonders, going back in the kitchen to rinse the glass and maybe look for the bottle of liquor too.  
By the time he comes back in the living room, he hears Steve’s voice.  
  
« Thank you again Darlene »  
  
« It’s nothing really. And I wanted to see for a very long time » she answers, which is weird to Sam because she saw Steve already.  
  
« Where’s Sam? Is he already hiding? » Sarah’s voice asked then.  
  
« In the kitchen I think. Sam? » his mother calls.  
  
« Coming! » he finishes to clean up and join them.  
  
The very first person he sees isn’t his mother, nor his sister and not Steve. It’s Bucky. In his mother’s living room, hair longer than the last time he saw him. Shaved. Black shirt, dark blue jean, hands in the pockets. More than that, his eyes. A blue, sometimes giving the impression of being grey, looking back at him.  
When he can peel of his eyes from Bucky’s, he looks at the three other people. He pushes the kitchen door open « Mom » he simply say, fire in his eyes.  
  
Even in his darkest days, even right after Riley, Sam never used that tone on his mother. It’s commanding with a zest of threat. Darlene sure isn't about to let herself be bossed around in her own house by her own son but she already knew Sam wouldn’t react very well to the stunt they are pulling.  
  
She follows him inside, giving a reassuring smile to the others.

  
  
Once they are alone Sam starts slowly « I cannot believe... » but he is cut by his mother quickly.  
  
« When you changed college and went far from us and your friends, I said okay. When you stayed in the apartment you shared with Riley for a year after the accident even if you couldn’t afford it and used all of your money, I was there. When I had to almost drag you back to us and call Misty and Luke at night because you disappeared randomly, I knew I had to step in. I thought you were done with the empty words Sam and you said that you needed help »  
  
«YOU CAN’T MAKE THOSE DECISIONS FOR ME! » he shouts.  
  
«You said he wanted to see me Steve » Darlene and Sam can hear in the moment of silence following Sam words.  
  
«Wait! Bucky! »  
  
The door opens, then Sarah barge in the kitchen.  
  
« Your soulmate is leaving, do something »  
  
« Fuck! » Sam says because this is a trap and they really shouldn’t have done that.  
He gets out of the kitchen, passes Steve pointing at him with an accusatory finger, put his shoes and goes outside « Bucky! » he calls, but the other man doesn’t stop « JAMES! » well, it works.  
  
They are on the sidewalk, people in their house or walking around and they are about to have a conversation in the middle of that.  
  
« Leave it Wilson, it was the worse idea Steve got me into »  
  
« I know. Believe me, I know, but please wait for a minute, I just need…Jesus Christ, this is insane. I need to think just five minutes" He paces, having an internal journey while Bucky looks at him, his back against a car.

Sam can't believe what they did, how dare they bringing Bucky here without telling him first? What is he supposed to do now? Is that because he said that he was planning to see him eventually? 

 

"Okay, look, we have a choice to make here and now »

Bucky looks at him suspiciously « and what would that be? »  
  
« We can continue to avoid each other... »  
  
« You are the one who ran away. Twice » Bucky points.  
  
« I know perfectly well what I did. This is why I propose you the second option, we can actually try this time to be better and try to get to know each other »  
  
« Because it went so well the last time your proposed a truce » Bucky snorts.  
  
« Can we please not fall into that shit again? I don’t want that. We have hurt each other, yes, but I need to know if you truly want our relationship to be better than that Bucky. I need you to tell me if you are ready to make some effort, because I am"

For sole response, Bucky eyes him with a mix of annoyance and disdain.

"Please, it’s been years»  
  
Bucky looks at him with even more intensity. Sam hold his gaze because if he can stop this madness, he will do it. Yeah, he has is back against the wall, yeah he is still angry as fuck about what they did but maybe all he has to do is give it a chance, even if Bucky kind of fucked him over last time.  
  
“I didn’t appreciate you leaving Wilson” Bucky admits with more vulnerability tinted with irritation he ever saw him show.  
  
“I won’t do it again” he promises, showing his hand to seal the moment.  
  
Bucky looks at it, then his face, then takes his hand in his own. Sam can clearly see that something is weird with that hand.  
 _What the hell happened to you?_   He wants to ask but stops himself from doing so. There’s a warm feeling in his chest and he can feel it, his mark, alive and well after all this time, poking a curious head on his wrist then next to Bucky’s fingers where his own mark joins it second later.  
  
Sam is so happy he pulls Bucky close to him and hugs him.  
He is almost surprised to feel him return it with as much force.

* * *

 

  
  
When they come back, everyone is silent, looking at the both of them.  
  
“I’m hungry” Sam says then, more nervously than he intended to, turning to Bucky “Help me get the food on that table would you?”  
  
Darlene, Sarah and Steve are glued to the both of them going in the kitchen and start getting the table ready.  
  
“Did you cook any of these Wilson?” Bucky asks, making small talk as naturally as he can giving the context.  
  
“Absolutely not, but as you will see, my mom is better than any chief and that’s the objective truth”  
  
“Okay but did she passed any of those skill onto you? That’s what I wanna know”  
  
Sarah snorted “If that’s the case we never saw it”  
  
“Excuse you? Weren’t you the one trying to put mayonnaise in an osso-buco last month?”  
  
The conversation flows more easily as everyone starts to talk and feeling more at ease once it’s clear than Sam isn’t going to lash out (at least for now).  
  
“So is Bucky your real name?” Sarah asks while she is serving her mom some mashed potatoes.  
  
“No, actually it’s James but everyone calls me Bucky”

  
  
And just like that, it’s seven pm and they are still at the table, food and drinks mostly gone.  
The second Steve suggest that they leave, Darlene has some go-to box ready.  
  
“You really don’t have to Miss Darlene” Bucky says, accepting the food quickly because it was way too good to pretend he didn’t want it.  
  
She is about to answer something but it seems stuck in her throat. Instead she touches his cheek, eyes shining.  
  
“Thank you for coming James, it really was a pleasure”  
  
“Mom, are you crying? This is just a man with long hair, nothing to tear up about” Sam lazily chimes in.  
Bucky turns to him, eyebrow raised.  
  
“Don’t you like my hair?”  
  
“Eh, I guess it’s nice. Better than before that’s for sure” he answers seemingly uninterested but adjusting himself in his chair.

"Besides, didn't you like that one man with the long hair in that boysband when you were younger? You always had a thing for long hair" Sarah adds innocently.

Sam is mouthing "shut the hell up" while she grins.  
  
Bucky has a soft smile and keep it until Steve and him are outside.  
  
“I should go too actually, I have a lot to think about” Sam announces before getting ready.  
  
He still kiss his sister and mother while leaving.

 

* * *

  
  
“Well I guess the mission is a success” Sarah says.  
  
“Yeah, it is. You can feel the energy between them. Even without knowing they were soulmate...you can sense it right? They reminds me of aunties Nana and Aundrea ”  
  
“I’m not crazy then! It was so weird, big bro was trying to be all smooth and charming, I bet he didn’t even noticed”  
  
“Probably not” Darlene nods “I hope they can be good for each other now” she finishes looking at the window where she can see Sam’s car disappearing on the road.


	7. He got a what now?

For a few days, Sam isolates himself a little. Just so he can think about the whole situation with serenity and not just say things in the heat of the moment.  
He feels confident in his ability to not repeat past mistakes and, at the very least, be cordial to Bucky enough for their friend to not be afraid of putting them in the same place at the same time.   
  
He knows he would need to make it work anyway since his own mother and sister took a liking in his soulmate. It was only a question of time before his mother tried to invite him again. Sam isn't sure last time wasn’t just an act and, like in highscool, Bucky would pull something dumb next time so he needs to be sure they are on the same page.  
  
Once again, when it comes to Bucky, he has a tendency of overthinking things so between the moment he knew he had to talk to Bucky and the moment he got a phone call from an unknown number, three days had already passed.  
  
« Hi, this is James, Bucky. Sam? »  
Well, the introduction isn’t awkward at all.  
  
« Hi Buck. What can I do? Is Steve okay? » he asks, quickly making suppositions while trying to imagine the meaning of the call.  
  
“Steve? No, he’s fine! I call to know when you are free”  
  
“Oh, well tomorrow after work, around six pm I guess” Sam answers easily without even asking what this is about.  
  
“Nice, Can you come at the apartment after that?”  
  
“Yes, no problem”  
  
« Cool, Bye, See you » Bucky says casually before hanging up.

  
  
Since Bucky didn’t have his number, Sam couldn’t help but wonder what could possibly prompt him to ask someone (probably Steve) about it in order for them to see each other.  
  
Bucky and Sam weren’t used to spend time alone. It would be the first time they do it voluntarily and not because of an accidental situation pushing them against each other.  
  
Sam doesn’t want to anticipate as much as he does but it would be nice if it actually was the start of something new between them. If they were able to be in the same space alone without it turning into a fight, it would been a great step toward a peaceful and positive relationship. So maybe he is smiling more that day, maybe he does rush to be home early and put nicer clothes than the ones he worked in.

  
Maybe, just maybe, he wants to look nice.  
  
But it isn’t because of Bucky.

  
  
He takes a shower, put a nice kaki long sleeve t shirt and a jean a little tight. Just showing the straights how it’s done you know?  
  
He wonders, after already having knocked on Steve and Bucky’s door if he really should have brought the bottle of red wine he is holding. This isn’t a date by any stretch of imagination so what is he doing?  
It’s too late anyway since Bucky opens the door and they look at each other nervously.  
  
“Hey” Sam says, showing Bucky the bottle.  
  
“Hi, thanks. Uh, come in”  
  
Sam comes inside and he realizes that he never actually went there. The living room and the open kitchen are in a mix of white and diverse types of wood bringing in some warm colors. It’s a nice mix of natural and modern aesthetic. He doesn’t know what he was expecting exactly but he is surprised.  
  
“It’s nice” he says dumbly.  
  
“Thanks, you never came inside before?” He questions, echoing Sam thought a second earlier.  
  
“No, never. Where’s Steve?”  
  
“Well, not here since I kicked him out”  
  
“What? Why?” Sam asks intrigued. He looks around him as if Steve is supposed to just be hidden somewhere.  
  
“I wants to talk to you alone and I don’t want any audience” he says as casually as he was on the phone while opening the bottle and getting two glasses out for them.  
  
Sam heart does a funny little thing. He puts that on the long day and the wine vapors. Yes, it’s a poor excuse but he is nervous as hell so he doesn't have better.  
  
It must show somehow since Bucky shakes in head after looking at him.  
  
“You’re stressing me Wilson”  
  
“Sorry, it’s just the first time I am here, talking to you alone and we are like, civilized and shit and it’s funny”  
  
Bucky laughs, finishes by a smile “I know what you mean”.

 

  
They move to the couch, keeping an healthy distance between them. The TV isn’t even on for Sam to try to distract himself with. All he has is wine and Bucky and at that very moment he isn’t sure which one is more dangerous for his health. If this is what every soulmates feels when they’re around their significant other, he understands why the majority of them get so close. He wonders if Bucky feels it too but probably not.

  
Flashes of Clint’s bedroom comes back at this unwelcome moment. He has to close his eyes not to think about it or about doing it again with present-Bucky. A certain area of his body seems suddenly interested.  
 _This is only lust_  he thinks to himself  _you are stronger than this, don’t fuck it up Sam, he isn't even that cute. Well, he is, but not cute to YOU, you don't like luscious long hair and confused-looking face. You don't even like his nickname. Bucky, more like ashy!_  He takes a deep breath, puts the almost empty glass on the small coffee table next to them where the tv remotes and a ridiculously small cactus are also on.

  
« So » he starts, «What did you want to talk about? » busting the bubble they are in suddenly. Bucky looks at him in a way he only saw recently, at his mom’s house. He doesn’t know what it means but he kind of like it. Which he shouldn’t.  
  
« Several things, like what happened when we were younger and since then»  
  
« Oh man, you sure this is a good idea? »  
  
« Stop me if I’m wrong but we did left some things out of the conversation when we were at your mom’s. I know I did. The heavy stuff”  Bucky is looking for honesty and Sam wasn’t thinking about that turn of event at all when he came. He is hesitant and it shows. “I want us to be able to open up to each other, that’s why I thought that doing it alone would be better”  
  
“You are so mature now, look at you being all talkative. I am shocked” Sam half jokes, letting a nervous laugh escape his mouth.  
  
“We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to” Bucky adds, looking serious in his proposition.  
  
“No, it’s okay, you are right” Sam says, hoping to convince himself that they won’t ruined their new relationship because of it. At the same time, it's precisely because they didn't talked before that they messed up that much.   
  
Bucky continues to look at him intensively then seems to decide of a subject.  
  
“I’ll start” he proposes. Sam, at that, nods vigorously. “Relax Wilson, I am not looking for trouble today”  
  
“I know, I know. It’s just, sorry, you are right, we need to talk if we ever want to have a happy rel...friendship. A happy friendship, that’s it”  
  
Bucky smiles “I noticed you were much more confident before, or is it only when you try to be an ass?”  
Both of them have flashes of the last time Bucky said something like that and they start laughing, taking another sip of their drink.  
“Anyway, I think I should start with where I come from. I always had a good relationship with my mother but my father...well, let’s say that he had a very rigid view about a lot of things in life. One of them was "what makes a man a man". You know the type?”  
  
“Unfortunately, yes, a lot of my family members thought that I would grow out of my attraction for the men and are still salty that it didn't happen ”  
  
“I can imagine. So I cultivated the bad boy persona early, I had to be a manly man and all that bullshit. Then I met Steve before the start of highschool and he was kind of my first friend. The day I met Steve, my mark appeared and I was so scared...my father found out and I think I was lucky Steve wasn’t my soulmate because otherwise, I think my dad would have beat me”  
Sam gave him a questioning look so Bucky quickly corrected “He never was violent physically. Just in his ideas. Well it’s still bad anyway”. Sam changes the way he sits to face Bucky on the couch, letting him take his time.  
“Anyway, after that scare, I was convinced that my soulmate couldn’t be anyone but a woman. I knew no one who had a mark so I couldn’t even talk to someone about that experience and I felt kind of lonely”  
Sam nods, using Bucky’s pause to give a soft nudge with his foot.  
“Then I met you, and that girl wanted to date me and it all went apeshit from here between us. Honestly, I was so pissed you were the one with a soulmate too, it wasn't rational.There was many time where I thought that it was stupid but looking at you back then...it made me feel something weird. Like you were catching more light than everyone else”  
  
“That’s exactly it, I felt it too. When you were around, I just knew it without even seeing you, like, I just got that sensation”  
  
Bucky is surprised to know that Sam had the same experience on that point but is reassured at the same time.  
  
“So, I started to be scared because it reminded me of when my mark appeared and even if my father wasn’t in my life anymore, some things still stayed. I didn’t want to be attracted to a man. But you, on the contrary, were so open about it, it didn’t seemed like a struggle to you” he says with some interrogation in his eyes.  
  
“I knew I was attracted to guys before I had my mark, it’s true. After I came out to Natasha then Steve and after that my mom, i felt kind of invincible. I wasn’t, but when you're young you don’t necessarily understand all the implication of saying at the Christmas family diner that your soulmate could be a woman or a man”  
  
“Must have been a fun diner” Bucky comments dryly.  
  
“Especially when you have to repeat it three times because grandma had trouble with her ear-aid” Sam laughs at the memory.  
  
Bucky looks at him with the face of someone trying to know if you are serious or not.

The seconds they look at each other seems intimate. Maybe because no one else is there.

Bucky breaks the silence “Sam, I...” He is cut by the sound of his phone. Someone is calling.  
He gives Sam the same look Steve used to give him when Bucky called. Who could possibly make Bucky have that look?  
“Hey, everything’s fine?...yes...oh wow, I can bring them to you or you can come crash here if you want...ok...ok I’m coming”  
Bucky hangs up, already getting up “I’m so sorry, Alex just called, I have to go”  
  
Sam brows knit together “Alex?”  
  
“Yeah, my boyfriend”  
  
Sam blinks, wants to laugh, question if he heard right. It can’t be.  
Bucky Barnes, boyfriend? In the same sentence?  
  
Bucky asks him the “You know Alex right? Steve or Natasha must have mentioned him to you”  
  
“No” Sam croaked, getting up too “I’ll go so you can...do what you...with your boyfriend” he says, looking distressed while grabbing his coat and shoes.  
  
“Fuck, Sam, sorry, I thought...Fuck”  
  
“It’s okay, uh we will...oh” He can’t think clearly, he tries to give Bucky a smile but his eyes are still looking confused so it’s more like a grimace than anything.  
  
“Wait we should...”  
  
“It’s okay James” he says, going out still with one shoe still in the hand.

 

* * *

  
  
Sam walks blindly to the station then gets his phone and calls Steve. He doesn’t even has the time to greet him, Sam already is asking where he is. Steve asks about Bucky then but Sam repeats the exact same question until he gets an answer “I’m at Danny’s, geez, what’s with you?”  
  
“Don’t move, I’m coming”  
  
Sam goes to Danny Rand’s apartment (more like a loft) in a blur. He can’t remember how exactly he got there. All he knows is that he is angry and lost.  
  
Danny is the one opening and Sam, rudely, pushes him off the door to close it behind him then drag the man with him in the living room where Misty and Steve are waiting.  
  
“What is going on?” Misty asks worried.  
  
“How none of you thought that telling me Barnes had a boyfriend was important?”  
  
They look at each other.  
  
“Well, you would have known it if you had been there” Steve answers.  
  
“No, you don’t get to use that shitty excuse again. Or are you going to hold it against me all my life Steve?”  
  
“Sorry it still hurt, It’s not my mission to update you on every single aspect of someone else life Sam” Steve answers in the same tone he used the first time they saw each other in years. Cold.  
  
“Is this some kind of sick revenge?”  
  
“Don’t insult me, I understand why you’re mad but I did not try to purposely hide it from you”  
  
“You can complot with my mom and sister but you can’t tell me that the guy I tried to escape partially because I thought he was a heterosexual and homophobe at that, is currently with a man?”  
  
“What does it change? You didn’t want Bucky before, now you know he like men too so you want to have him?” Steve laughs and unfortunately, the feelings Sam had and that he couldn’t name, they are close to that.  
He spent years trying to convince himself that being soulmate didn’t have to mean anything but the second he learns that Bucky is interested in men too, he thinks about what it means for him. How could he be so wrong, how could he have done the same mistake, again?   
  
“Damn Sam” Misty says as he tries to hold himself together.  
What is he supposed to do now? He feels humiliated.  
  
His throat is hurting him being clenched that much. He just turns, walking back to the door.  
  
“Sam, wait, come on, let’s talk about this” Steve says behind him.  
  
“You are right Steve. It’s none of my business, sorry for busting in tonight”  
  
“I didn’t mean it like that!”  
  
Sam offers him a weak smile, opens the door to get out.

 

  
He walks in the night but has to stop when he thinks about what they are all going to say when inevitably Bucky and Steve talk about tonight.  
  
He looks like a crying mess in the metro and on his way home. He cries while brushing his teeth and cries to sleep.

  
  
When he wakes up, he is drained. He had no energy and no will to move. He wonders if he can just change his personality. Or change body. Anything not to be this Sam Wilson, the guy running away from his soulmate and friends for years and dares to think that he should have a chance at something when he learns that the man is bi (or at least not straight).

All of that only after seeing the man two times since he came back.

He has to admit that he has a lot of nasty thoughts about himself then. He never been the self-deprecating type to that point but if he would pick an image describing him, it would be a picture of trashes.

  
He finally look at the hour, 08h03. He would be late for work anyway so he sends a text to his manager to warn her.  
He notices the missed calls (Steve and Misty) and the text (Steve) saying that they could talk when he is ready.  
He doesn’t know what they should talk about, he doesn’t feel like Steve has a high opinion of him since he left and he immediately knows this isn’t true and that Steve was hurt and loves him but one voice is louder than the other and it isn’t the sane and objective one.  
  
He made a fool of himself last night so he calls Danny first because he doesn’t feel judged by him but since Misty is here with him, he tries to end the call as quickly as possible because he knows she is trying to make him spill everything.

  
  
He wonders if he should call Steve but decides against it. He fears their relationship is broken.

  
He fears he is broken.

  
  
By fourteen, he comes to the conclusion that he spent a lot of time saying one thing and doing the other. He simultaneously tried to hold on his epic love story idea while protecting his desire to be free from a supposedly cosmically forced love story.  
  
The thing is, he isn’t in love with Bucky, he knows it, it would be ridiculous. But he could be, and that’s the thing he hadn’t realized until he found himself taking extra care of his appearance for a totally not date with him and feeling disappointed, jealous and lost at the news of him dating another man.

He just doesn't understand when did he even had the time to be interested in Bucky like that. All they had was one afternoon with his mom and one other meeting-not-date. 

  
  
Eventually, he understands that the road to better himself isn’t linear and he will failed again and again. The important thing is to reflect on it and do better next time right?  
Confident in is analysis, he decides to put some music to stop looking like a mess. He starts to dance and sing all around his (not that big) apartment in nothing but an old t shirt, underwear and socks with a hole in them both. He tries to forget his problem in music (and a red wine glass since it’s now kind of late).  
He is rolling on the floor when someone knock on his door. His voice dies in his throat and he approaches carefully. Whoever this is, they’ll be send back manu militari.

Turns out, it’s none other than Steve Rogers.   
  
“Sam? You didn’t answer me, I was worried...what are you doing?”  
  
Sam blinks, the door is open enough for Steve to see his clothes and Sam had the great idea of having one part of his boxer hidden between his booty cheeks so there’s that.  
Instead of retreating quickly, he looks at Steve in the eyes “I am dancing”  
  
“Okay...can I come in or are you having a party with someone?”  
  
Sam opens the door, letting Steve inside.  
He put the volume down so that they can easily talk with the music as a background sound only. He also arranges his boxer because, well...Steve doesn't need to see that.

  
  
Steve looks at the bottle and glass of wine, then Sam again before going to him and hug him.  
  
“Sam...I’m sorry”  
  
“Oh...well, you do give great hugs man” is all he can find to say.  
  
“I thought about last night and while I still think it wasn’t my place to talk about that, I think I understand why you're mad”  
  
“No, you were right and I’m the one being sorry. I think I am not as detached as I think I am, I am an idiot”  
  
Steve let him go to look at him.  
  
“So what you are saying is...”  
  
“Regardless of what I am currently feeling, my priority is doing right by you and respecting Bucky as a friend. Also, i may be too impulsive”  
  
Which makes Steve laugh “Yes, you are. But I still love you. Besides, it proves to me that Bucky matters to you”  
  
Sam feels more heat in his face.  
“Steve, I was wondering, it won’t ever be like before. Us, I mean”  
  
Steve thinks about it “No it won’t” he needs a little more time to follow on it and Sam feels anxious “we are different now so even if you had stayed, things would have go differently. As I said, I love you and I am glad you’re back. I don’t want you to leave again”  
  
“And I won’t. I love you too Steve but I was scared you would, you know, have that metaphorical sword above my head, ready to cut me as soon as I say something stupid”  
  
“Yeah, I know. It’s been what, almost eight years. It’s too damn long, it’s all”  
  
Sam is the one imitating the hug that time “Hanw Bro”  
  
“Are you planning to keep hugging me in your underwear because that can turn weird at any moment” he jokes.  
  
“Yep” Sam answers.  
  
Steve doesn't complain and hugs him even harder.

 

* * *

  
  
  
When Luke invite Sam over to diner with Misty and Claire, he wonders if this is some kind of trap. But no, the diner is doing well, nobody is touching sensitive subjects and he is seriously thinking about agreeing to go to the club Misty is talking them about.   
  
“Come on, I know a guy, we can go in for free, just one or two hours”  
  
Weirdly enough, Claire is the one being the most hyped about it “I am dead but I want to be dead on the dance floor sipping a good tequila sunrise”  
  
“Baby you sure?” Luke asks with a concerned look. She makes sign for him to approach closer and whispers something in his hears. Whatever it is, it makes him look outraged.  
  
“Okay let’s go” he announces already getting up and draging Claire with him.  
  
“Can we be in the know too?” Sam demands while following them. For sole response, Claire turns to him and gives him her best smile.  
He stops asking question.  
  
It’s four am when he finally comes home and he feels exhausted and energized at the same time. By the time he is ready to sleep, his mind is at peace. He gets to his phone, look at the last message he got from Bucky asking him if they can meet.

It was two days ago.

He types a short “yes” before putting the phone away. He doesn’t want to think about Bucky specifically but he wonders what it would be like, sleeping next to him. Could he touch his hair while he lays right there? Would Bucky likes to sleep on his chest? Is he a sleepy cuddler?

Maybe this isn't the kind of thought you have about a friend but no one is here to stop him.

  
  
Sam jerk awake at the sounds of his phone ringtone next to him. He blinks but can’t focus his eyesight and groans. He gets his phone and answers without looking at the caller ID.  
  
“Sam?”  
  
“Bucky? Why are you calling? What times is it?”  
  
“You sound like you were sleeping” Bucky comments amused.  
  
“Because I was”  
  
“It’s eleven Sam, what were you doing last night to sleep that much?”  
  
“I was dancing in a club with Luke, Claire and Misty”  
  
“And you didn’t invite me?” Bucky asks falsely offended.  
  
“Do you even dance? Not that weird pogo shit you did when you were a teenager trying to get his hair to defy gravity”  
Sam yawns, not ever bothering to muffle the sound.  
  
“Wow, that hurt actually. I may surprise you, you know?”  
  
“If you tap dance like Steve I swear to God...”  
  
“The nerves! I would never! Well, I mean I did take lesson with him but that’s not the point”  
  
Sam laughs, trying to imagine greasy hair angry Bucky tap dance with a cane next to Steve. Must have been a real delight. Bucky has to say Sam’s name three times before the man stops laughing enough to listen to him.  
  
“Well since you are already up, what about you get ready and me meet in one hour down your building.  
  
“Nah, I want to stay in bed, you can come but I don’t leave my room”  
  
“Well, geez, okay, I’ll see you in your bed. Later Wilson”  
  
Sam looks at his phone suspiciously. “See me? In my bed?” He repeats. Nah, he must be dreaming, there’s no way he hears right in the real world so he goes back to sleep.


	8. Alex

He is woken up exactly one hour after his phone conversation by a glowing Bucky. When Sam opens the door, in nothing but his undies, Bucky looks at him before turning away maybe a little redder in the face.  
  
“Damn, warm a guy would ya?!”  
  
“What, I have clothes on” Sam says defensively.  
  
“Just a boxer. A really kind of revealing one at that”  
  
“You had the time to see that it is revealing? That’s what you are saying? That you looked at my junk”  
  
Bucky groans, pushing blindly Sam with his prosthetic hand to be able to come inside and close behind him.  
  
“What if your neighbors see you?”  
  
Sam is about to answers when something pops in his mind “Wait a minute, what are you even doing here?”  
  
Bucky turns to Sam, opening his fingers to look at his face, at least the man had the decency to place his hands in front of his manhood “You told me to come, so I came” he adds like it’s obvious.  
  
“Wait, I dreamt that. No, it wasn’t a dream? Oh shit”  
  
When it’s clear that Sam made an honest mistake, Bucky decides to tease him about it.  
  
“You specifically asked me to come in your bed because, and I quote, you didn’t want to leave your room”  
  
“I am so sorry, I didn’t...I wasn’t fully awake”  
  
“Do you invite me in your bed often in your dreams?” He asks.  
  
Something passes between them. Beyond the jokes, something way more serious and a little dangerous considering their situation.  
  
Sam stops to hide his boxer from the surprise. Bucky clap both his hands on his face “Dude!”  
  
Sam laughs, “What, you don’t want to look at the goods Barnes? You’re all talk. I’m gonna shower” he says while going in his bedroom take some clothes in his hand. When he passes the living room, Bucky is still hiding his face. Sam, for revenge, gets his boxer off and throw it on Bucky’s head making the man jump, screaming his name while Sam runs away ass naked.  
  
“You truly are a child” Bucky says once Sam is out of his bathroom. Making himself at home, he got the TV on and a glass of aloe juice in one hand. In the other one...

 

“Can I have my boxer back or do you plan to keep it as a souvenir?”

 

Bucky seems to notice the piece of clothes suddenly and give it back with a frown.

 

“It’s kind of soft, do you only wear stuff like that?”

 

Weirdly enough, they talk for a good hour about underwear, Sam occasionally showing him pieces of his “private collection” (but not the truly audacious ones)

 

They are debating whether or not a jockstrap is an acceptable everyday wear when Bucky got a text.

 

“Shoot, I gotta go, how did I spend that much time here?”

 

“Dunno, you’re the one coming in because you wanted to talk to me” Sam defends while shrugging.

 

“And I said nothing of what I was here for in the first place” Bucky complains.

 

“Well do it now then” Sam proposes.

 

“Nah, I don’t want to rush that. I’ll have to see you again, if that’s okay with you”

 

Bucky is already at the door when Sam answers “Yeah, call me”

 

He opens the door, letting Bucky go and right as he step outside he stops and look at Sam as if to say something. Sam can see his right arm starting to move in his direction but whatever he was about to do, he stops, then without a word, he leaves.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam is surprised to notice that, since he started talking to Bucky, the only time they saw each other with other people was when his mom invited him. Now, three weeks after, he feels like they starts getting a safe but sort of secret relationship.

 

Safe.

 

No, it’s a whole lot of thing but safe is not an adjective he can apply to his relationship with his soulmate. It never was and he starts to understand that it’ll never be if he doesn’t find a way to keep his feelings in check. There’s a fine line between a friendly tease and flirting. Some of the interactions he has with Bucky sounds suspiciously flirty to him and it shouldn’t. The number one reason for that is Bucky’s boyfriend.

 

He wants to know more about them as much as he wants to ignore that part of Bucky’s life. He understands how he could sort of be jealous but he knows very well that he shouldn’t and couldn’t let it show because he would risk to loose Bucky and alienate their friends too.

 

* * *

 

 

The next time he actually hears about Bucky is when Steve calls him around height pm a Tuesday to ask him to come in their apartment for a game night (as if they didn’t work the next day) “Bucky and Alex always gang on me at Smash bros and I can’t fight the two of them together” he complains.

 

Sam laughs, half because Steve kind of doesn’t like to lose but also because of the idea of him, of all people, going there and spend a night with Bucky AND his boyfriend. That was ridiculous.

 

“I think I’ll pass but thanks for the invite. We can do something this week end if you want” he proposes, not wanting Steve to think that he just doesn’t want to see him.

Steve starts to answers when a voice comes from the phone.

 

“Steveeee, is that Sam? Is he coming?” Bucky asks, sounding happy.

 

“Nah, he can’t tonight” Steve answers.

 

“Sam? Which Sam?” A third voice Sam doesn’t recognize, therefore attributes to Alex, asks behind them.

 

“Sam, from highscool” Steve answers in a weird tone.

 

“Oh, his soulmate! Hi soulmate!” Alex says and his voice seems to get closer so Sam, as usual, sorts of panic. “Put him on speaker”

 

“Uh, gotta go, see you this week end, bye” he blurts as quickly as he can before hanging up on them.

He looks at his phone like a treacherous object. Why even did Steve thought that he would want to come in the first place?

 

He carries on with his night and got a “calling u tomorrow” text by Bucky. It makes him nervous suddenly. He sends him a black thumb up and try to spend the rest of his woke time not to check his phone again.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, Sam gets that call while he is eating a sandwich outside for lunch.

 

“Sorry about yesterday, must have been weird” Bucky says, apologizing right after saying hello.

 

“It’s okay I guess”

 

There’s a pause, Sam wonders if the phone is having issues when Bucky continues “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about Alex”

 

Sam immediately tense despite himself “What about him?”

 

“He wants to see you” Bucky says unsure of himself.

 

Sam asks dumbly “Alex...your boyfriend?”

 

“Yeah. He knows about us, the soulmate part. So I guess. You know. He wants to see you”

 

“Bucky...”

 

“I think this isn’t a bad idea actually. He is important to me and...You know”

 

“Actually I don’t” Sam answers because he needs to buy some time to come with a good excuse.

 

“You aren’t a nobody in my life Wilson”

 

“Wow, this is so flattering” he says dryly.

 

“Listen, I won’t force you or anything, I just think that it would be nice to see each other with other people too. I really don’t want him to think something is going on”

 

“Something like being soulmate? Because, Bucky, guess what happens when soulmate spend a lot of time together”

 

He knows he should keep his calm and fails to not sound too defensive but being naive isn’t going to help any of them.

 

“We did a pretty good job not doing anything stupid since we are seeing each other. Scare you won’t be able to keep it that way?”

 

Sam can’t believe Bucky is challenging him like that. That man is playing a dangerous game.

 

“Okay Bucky, you want me to meet your guy? I’ll do it. Don’t cry when it will turn to shit”

 

Bucky is silent for a while and Sam thinks he is going to actually change in mind but all he hears is a soft “thank you” and the conversation is over.

 

He has a hard time believing that Bucky or his man would think that is was a good idea for him to meet his boyfriend’s soulmate.

He could only hope they would forget about it and he actually wouldn’t have to do it.

 

* * *

 

 

In the weekend, Steve calls Sam about helping one of his friend on a project “We’ll just have to give a hand on a couple of pictures and we will get free pizzas and beer” Steve had said.

 

Sam jumps on the occasion and, not for the first time, asks himself what he was getting into after he already said yes.

He trusts Steve for it not to be too weird but would could ever know with him?

 

Saturday arrives quickly and with that, a drop in temperature announcing that this late summer is starting to end.

Steve’s friend, Drax, seemed to be (at least from what Steve said about him) some kind of semi-photograph. They were supposed to help him on a photoshoot because the ones usually working with him were on a trip in Europe.

 

When they arrive, the first thing Sam notices is the very large man opening the door.

Bald head, blue eyes and a lot of muscles. He looks like he could be doing WWE. He has a thick accent and welcomes them warmly. If he is being honest, Sam would say that the way Drax claps Steve’s shoulder looks painful.

« Drax is one of the people who helped me develop a good regimen, body wise. He also work as a fitness coach » Steve had explained Sam before coming and he could see why, none of the muscle on this man looked here for decorating purposes.

 

They are guided toward a door on their right leading them to a downstairs floor.

 

Drax must have money somehow because this is looking really expensive. The very large shooting room is taking most of whatever apartment was here before.

 

« What exactly do you need our help for? » Sam asks finally after the tour of room.

 

“I have to make a book on a theme for an exam. If it’s selected I will enter a really prestigious formation. To see if we have what it takes, they gave us the theme only forty eight hours before having to submit it »

 

« So what is it? » Steve asks still looking all round him.

 

« Lights and Desire » Drax answers without blinking.

Steve and Sam shares a look, wondering what on earth they were supposed to do with that.

« Basically » he continues « it means that I have to play with the light in the composition and put you in sexy situation »

 

« Oh, of course » Steve says then as if it was obvious.

Sam gives him a questioning look, a very « What the hell are you saying? » look in fact which makes Steve say « He needs our help, it can’t be that bad »

 

It was THAT bad.

 

Drax doesn’t know how lucky he is Steve and Sam were comfortable with each other because by the second setting where Steve had his hands all over Sam torso, Sam questioned how this was his life.

 

« You both really are beautiful model, the way the light reflect on your necklaces is fantastic » Drax says animatedly.

 

Yeah, the light could catch on their golden numerous necklaces all it want, what was pressing Sam was having to breathe in Steve’s neck.

Luckily, Steve knew exactly what to say to diffuse any kind of awkwardness between them and soon, Sam finds himself enjoying it and being more at ease.

 

« Stop laughing Steve » Drax chastised after a shoot he couldn’t do properly.

 

« Sorry! Sam, stop it, I can’t! »

 

Sam was back to the photograph but Steve could see him and he was pulling ridiculously intense face that made Steve cackle.

 

Between each setting Drax though was good enough, he showed them the pictures he had taken.

 

« To be honest, you really must be a good photograph if you can make Steve that beautiful » Sam teased.

 

« All I hear is you saying that I’m beautiful Wilson” Steve playfully answers.

 

“Well, if you want you can have a few of them” Drax proposes and by the look they gives him, they were waiting for it, jumping, arguing and pointing to which pictures they wanted to take.

 

After a few hours and a lot of pictures to choose from, Sam and Steve each leave with three different pictures.

One of them specifically caught Sam’s eye. He is looking directly at the photograph while Steve is saying something in his hears seductively.

 

“You look like I just said that I wanted to have sex with your sister” Steve complains “or like you suddenly remembers that you didn’t turn off the light at your place before leaving”

 

“I love it, it the same look I have anytime you come up with your weird ideas”

 

“Well, my weird idea just got us a bunch of really cool pictures. I think I am going to print that one and put it in the living room” Steve says, showing the one where Sam had to mimic biting his neck and tearing his shirt open.

 

“Aren’t you scared that people will think that, you know, we’re together or something?”

 

“Why would I care? I could do a lot worse than you and they are really, really pretty” He shrugs, making Sam smile genuinely.

 

 

Steve is really impatient and manage to convince Sam to actually come with him to make a poster of the picture.

 

The quality is insane and even if it’s a little expensive, Sam can’t even argue because seeing it in their hands is really something. Black and white, behind a clean transparent glass, Steve’s rush to his apartment, Sam on his tails.

 

« Damn it Steve, the picture isn’t going to disappear. Dude, slow down! »

 

Steve is already opening the door.

 

« Oh sorry guys! » Steve says to someone inside.

 

Sam stops in his track.  _Guys?_ He repeats in his head.  _Sorry guys, plural, à reason to say sorry, people who could logically be inside..._

« Oh shit » he says, taking a step back in a situation strangely familiar.

 

« Sam? You coming? They’re decent now » Steve says coming back in the corridor.

 

« Sam’s here? » Bucky’s voice asks from inside.

 

« Umh, wait a minute » Steve says once he got a proper look at Sam, closing the door behind him « Fuck Sam, sorry, you haven’t met Alex already have you? »

 

Sam shakes his head because can a guy have time to properly prepare themselves to meet their soulmate boyfriend?

 

« Sorry, really, I understand if you want to leave”

 

Sam is seriously considering taking the offer when the door opens and Bucky comes out, adjusting his shirt, leaving no doubt about what was going on before inside.

 

“Hey Sam, didn’t know you would come today. Someone didn’t warned me” he says shooting an accusing look at Steve.

 

“It’s okay, don’t worry, I just uh, you know, it’s been a long day”

 

There’s silence between them, Bucky trying and failing to express himself, Steve looking at the two of them biting his lips and Sam praying for any kind of intervention who would allow him to leave. He isn’t that lucky.

 

“Is the party outside now?”

The man goes out of the apartment as well. He is shorter than the three of them, shaved head, big brown eyes and a nice smile. Vaguely brown skin, latino looking.

“Hi, I’m Alex. You must be Sam »

 

Sam looks at him with his eyebrows high on his forehead « Uh uh » he says without moving or opening his lips.

 

« I heard so much about you »

 

Sam’s eyes are even bigger now because there’s no way he had hear good things about him.

“Uh uh” he repeats.

 

“I wanted to meet you, Bucky told me he talked to you about it. Sorry, it’s kind of sudden but hey, we can work with that. Wanna come inside?”

 

Sam eyes leaves Alex’s face to go to Steve. There’s no way he can look at Bucky right now.

Steve looks like he is asking something to him with only his eyes. Then he smiles coyly and Sam thinks he understands what he wants.

 

“Okay” He answers to Alex but still looking at Steve for him to know that this is basically his fault.

 

Alex turns to come back inside, Steve too, leaving a few seconds where Bucky and Sam are alone.

 

“Thank you for staying”

 

It reminds Sam of the moment he has been basically trapped into seeing Bucky again.

People wanted things for him and it didn’t matter that much if it aligned with his own wishes.

_I told you_ his mother’s voice says in his head.  _Everything weird or bad happening around Bucky is because of your own inability to just wait_ Sam repeats to himself once again.

 

He shakes his head, not answering Bucky and coming inside.

 

Steve is already showing the pictures to Alex and the man is gushing over them.

 

“You two really are good models, babe, look!”

Bucky approaches his boyfriend and look at the poster Steve is showing them.

He frowns.

 

“What is that?” He asks.

 

Steve gives him a resume of the day, showing him a second picture.

 

“Did you too had a porn shoot?” Bucky asks after the explication.

 

“No, it’s erotica with taste” Steve answers very proud.

 

“Anyway it’s beautiful, Drax it really talented” Alex chimes in “but if you hang that in the living room, we definitely won’t have sex here anymore because having you two looking at us would be weird. Or weirdly hot I don’t know yet”

 

Sam notices that Alex’s hand caresses Bucky’s back. He only notices it but doesn’t think much about it. An observation, that’s all.

 

He still has no idea why he is here, he doesn’t have anything to do. How much time has to pass before he can confidently announce that he’s going back home? Probably more than five minutes.

 

“You would make a cute couple”

 

And that’s what makes Sam’s mind crush back in the here and now because he is almost certain that Alex doesn’t say that innocently.

 

“We would, right honey?” Steve jokes with a gigawatt smile to Sam.

He can only answer with a weird face, trying hard to send him mentally his scream for help. He notices Bucky looking at the two of them.

 

“Do you have something to tell us?” He asks suddenly. Sam has no idea what he means by that so he looks at Steve who is back to having his eyes glued to the pictures.

 

“Like what?” Sam asks when it’s clear Steve doesn’t care.

 

“Well, we can sense the chemistry on the pictures so maybe something more than friendly is going on between the two of you”

 

Bucky says that with the eyes of someone ready to fight but his one is light and friendly.

 

“It would be so romantic, Sam seeing his friend after years or growing apart and he became that fine specimen, how could he resist?” Alex continues, adding fire at the already dangerous brazier. He is living his best life.

 

Sam can’t help but laugh, earning him different variations of surprise.

 

“You sure do have a wild imagination. Steve and I are friends, we just are comfortable and secure enough in our friendship”

 

“So you’re saying that Steve is not attractive?”

 

“He is, he is so attractive and an amazing guy that I could confidently give him to my own sister, and no one is good enough for her”

 

“Oh buddy” Steve whispers, visibly touched.

 

Alex and Sam are looking at each other and they both know that they’ll have a conversation soon. Sam can’t fault him, he better have a discussion with Bucky too, very, very quickly because while he can have a really good sense of empathy toward Alex, he has no intention of letting the man mess with him.

 

“You just met him two seconds ago, why are you already trying to get him with someone? Especially Steve” Bucky asks while frowning at one of the picture.

 

“Well, Misty, Danny and Luke all thought the same as me, didn’t they?”

 

Sam doesn’t want to say that if he had been attracted to Steve, things would have been very different and he probably wouldn’t be here trying to justify why he doesn’t want to date his best friend to his soulmate’s boyfriend.

 

“Anyway, Sam, I also want the pictures you took, I didn’t want to sound greedy by asking more than three but I still want them” Steve’s says while batting his eyelashes.

 

He rolls his eyes “don’t let my mom see them, or worse, my sister”

 

After that, Sam has globally a good time. He doesn’t leave Steve’s sight for a minute. He never sit next to Bucky and never talk to him directly.

He is unclockable.

 

Alex isn’t a bad man, Sam think. If it was the case, Steve would have already done something, probably. Still, each time he tries to interact with Sam, it’s uncomfortable. He's wondering if he has an ulterior motive and always visibly pause before answering him, which he doesn’t do to Steve or even Bucky.

 

When he leaves, he kisses Steve on the cheeks like they often does, shakes Alex hand and quickly waves at Bucky because last thing he want is their mark acting up and deciding to move for anyone to see.

 

* * *

 

 

He sees Alex two more times after that. The first time is when Danny invites them over diner, Sam doesn’t try to avoid him and Bucky but still wouldn’t engage with any of them by himself. Considering who is there, he doesn’t think it’s suspicious, Alex is the one he knows the less so he got no reason to be around him in the first place.

 

Claire and Danny do ask him how he is handling the situation. He is happy that they worried about him but reassures them that everything is under control, even if it’s not exactly true.

 

When Bucky comes to talk to him the very first thing Sam says to him is “Where’s Alex?” since the man isn’t anywhere is sight.

 

“Sam, can you stop? I know what you’re doing”

 

“I want no problem and for that I need your boyfriend, Alex, to stay with you when you decides to talk to me” Sam argues while looking for the shorter man around him.

 

“So what you saying is that you feel like it’s dangerous to be around me and you’re scared you would do something regretful if you ever talk to me alone?” Bucky says, smiling smugly. This is not the first time he implies that Sam wouldn't need much o jump on him.

 

Sam is unimpressed.

 

“Exactly” he agrees without thinking too much of it because it’s the truth “Oh, Alex, did you try the humus? It’s very tasty” he immediatly says once he got sight of Bucky’s boyfriend, walking over to him fast because he’d rather talk to Alex than letting Bucky corner him again.

 

No one could come at him accusing him to try to steal Bucky, and certainly not Alex.

 

 

The second time he sees them, he is spending the evening with Steve. They haven’t planned anything special, they just spend time together. Tonight, Sam wants to introduce Steve to one of his favorite show. The snacks are ready and they both are on the couch when the door opens, letting in Bucky.

 

He looks at them, blinking slowly “Hey guys, I didn’t know you would be there Sam. Am I interrupting?”

 

“He wanted me to have a look at his favorite show” Steve explains, opening his beer to drink.

 

“But we totally can do that another time” Sam proposes quickly, ready to get up and leave.

 

Bucky send him a mean look, took of his shoes and coat and, while still looking directly at Sam comes closer to sit on the couch next to him, forcing Sam to sit again.

 

“Good, I need some distraction” he says a little more angrily that necessary.

 

“You sure? Maybe you want to stay with Steve only, it’s really not...”

 

“Wilson, with all due respect, shut up and let’s see that show. Just tonight, I want you to stop your little game and act normal. Can you do that?”

 

Sam friendly face freezes. _A game?_ He thinks  _you’re the one playing Bucky, don’t get it twisted. I wouldn’t have to walk on eggs around you if you didn’t have your stupid boyfriend. Argrhffjj._

 

Steve interrupts the heavy silence “Let’s not fight tonight. Okay?”

 

So Sam, kind of sandwiched now, presses play.

 

Almost an hour later, Bucky gives Sam a knowing look.

 

“What?”

 

“Why I am not surprised that your favorite show involves a sexy cast and orgies”

 

“Okay, first of all, there’s more to it than the sexy parts” Sam answers ready to educate him.

 

“That was kinda hot, I want to see episode two. Come on Sam, stay for that one” Steve begs, making puppy eyes while Bucky snorts.

 

“I don’t know, it will be late”

 

“Then starts now instead of talking” Bucky says, throwing himself on Sam to grab the remote on his other side.

Sam’s hand immediately comes to his back. A poor reflex really. He takes it back of course but Bucky looks at him for a second before sitting back.

 

If during the first episode nothing happened, during the second he is positively sure to feel Bucky’s energy next to him. He can see his flesh fingers so close to his and he doesn’t want to imagine what it would feel like to touch him but he is magnetic.

 

Each time one of them moves to grabs more snack or drinks, Sam got the impression that they get closer. It’s distracting and he tries to convince himself that it’s all in his head.

He manages to keep everything under control until mid-episode. Then his pinky is touching Bucky’s and there it is, the smallest of moves to acknowledge what is happening on Bucky’s part and it’s totally blocking his mind from doing anything else other than answer in turn.

 

I _t’s just a fucking finger Sam, stop it!_ He can’t even look, his eyes are glued on the TV but he doesn’t see what is happening. All he knows is that he wants more and he feels horrible for it. One minute, two minutes...

 

*knock knock*

 

He jumps.

 

“Oh fuck” he laughs under Steve questioning look “sorry I was too much into it”

 

There’s another knock at the door “Bucky come on, open”

 

It’s Alex.

 

Sam turns to look at Bucky who shut his lips tight, clearly torn about something.

 

“Aren’t you going to open?” He aks. He could swear the look Bucky gives him mean “I don’t want to” but its wishful thinking at his best and he really shouldn’t have that kind of thoughts.

 

He decides to do it himself by getting up and walk toward the door, ignoring the “Sam wait” usher behind him.

 

Alex is here, clearly surprised to see him.

 

“Sam”

 

“Hi, Bucky is...”

 

Sam stops, noticing that Alex is still looking at him. He has no idea what to do with that.

 

“Perfect. I want to talk to you”

 

Sam can feel Bucky practically jump from the couch.

 

“Alex, don’t do this”

 

“What is happening here?” Steve asks joining them in turn.

 

“Nothing, I just want to have a discussion alone with Sam, if that’s okay with him” Alex answers.

 

“Okay and why Bucky and you look like you are fighting?”

 

“Steve, could you not get involved please?” Bucky asks him, hoping that his friends would shut up before the conversation could turn worse.

 

“I mean, my best friend boyfriend is asking my other best friend to talk to him and he just so happens to be my best friend’s soulmate but sure, let me not be involved at all since you two can solve your problems like adults”

 

Steve really didn’t have to go in like that but at least Bucky shuts up.

 

“Ok, let me grab my coat and let’s go talk” Sam decides, already moving to get his stuff.

Bucky makes a move in his direction but Steve stops him and they have one of these silent conversation with their face only.

  

* * *

 

 

Sam and Alex are outside, near the almost full parking. It’s not exactly hidden or even discreet per say but there’s no one and since Sam has no idea what the other man wants, why not here?

 

He seats on an old wooden bench, the lights numerous enough to see around but not strong enough to break the feeling of weird intimacy between them.

 

“When Bucky and Steve told me about you, I was shocked. But I guess hearing a little more about what happened helped me understand why you did what you did”

Sam already knew Alex had to have heard bad things about him.

 

“I am not sure what we are doing here Alex”

 

“You are attracted to Bucky right?”

 

“Alex...”

 

“I knew he had a soulmate, you know? I knew even before I started dated him. This is part of why I let myself be with him because it was supposed to only be fun and games and nothing serious”

 

“Him having a soulmate doesn’t prevent you two from working” Sam says calmly.

 

“Yeah but that wasn’t the plan. And with you back, the clock announcing our end his tickling”

 

“Man shut up, Barnes is with you”

 

“Now, don’t think I’m an idiot Sam. I know you tried very hard to avoid him but you ain’t that subtle”

 

Alex is so sure of himself Sam looks at nothing for a second. What was the point of him acting like that again? Ah, yeah, to not look like an asshole.

 

“I really don’t know what you want me to do. If I leave, again, he will never forgive me”

 

Alex bites his lips, eyes lost on the ground “I don’t want it to be over. I love him”

 

“And I’m sure he loves you too” he answers “but for the first time we aren’t at each other’s throat and I want to keep it that way”

 

“Okay, we can work with that I guess. Thank you Sam. I know I am asking you something I shouldn’t but...” he tries to look at Sam to find his words “thank you” he repeats.

 

When they come back at the apartment, Bucky is in his room, Steve scrutinizes them quickly before Sam starts to pack the rest of his belonging “I’ll go home. Night, Steve »

 

Steve frowns but walks to Sam and hug him « call me tomorrow okay? » Sam knows he means it so he nods and lets him go.

He is about to leave when Alex’s hand stops him and he awkwardly hugs Sam before thanking him once again.

 


	9. This is not a date

 

He had no idea how hard it would be to be around Bucky after meeting his boyfriend.

 

They had that tentative friendship, sometimes almost flirty relationship but now he feels like a fool and as if he had misread every single one of their interactions.

Having met the guy once opened the door to him being invited to all of their meeting ideas and because Bucky's friend and his are overlapping a lot, it also meant seeing one or the two of them a lot more suddenly. Worse, Alex seems to like him and the more he tries to get away from Bucky, the more Alex comes to him and tries to befriend him. 

Sam has nothing against Alex, he is cute, funny and extrovert. He can see for himself why Bucky is attracted to him. It doesn't mean that it is reasonable to expect him to be friend with his soulmate's boyfriend. 

 

He has no idea about what Bucky is thinking but he does seems happy. Of course, this isn't a problem for him, why would it be?

 

After another month of that situation, Sam feels that guilt is another way of stopping him to try to be closer to Bucky. Maybe it wasn’t exactly what Alex had planned at first but it works all the same.

Bucky’s boyfriend is friend with Steve and at least Danny (or Danny just tolerates him because Danny is easily friendly with a lot of people). Misty doesn’t care for him and Luke doesn’t understand how he could let himself stay in a relationship “doomed to fail”. What really gets to him is when Steve says that he is proud that Sam is trying right before seeing the light in his eyes weakens a little more at the compliment. He needs to actively and constantly remind himself that he wants to be friend with Bucky regardless of his boyfriend. 

It's easier when Alex is here because otherwise, Sam feels like the flirty tone and comportment comes back full force from Bucky and he swears, he doesn't understand what the man wants. It gets harder understanding what he wants too.

Sam would recognize that he is attracted to Bucky. It's easy.

But he isn’t in love.

He hopes, no, he prays he isn’t falling in love with Bucky’s laughs, with his eyes, his presence, his aura even he would say. Maybe he thinks about him too much? _or maybe everything is stupid and I should just claim him_ his mind provides treacherously.  _Stop, fuck, what’s wrong with you?_   He tries to mentally correct. Here it is again, that sense of belonging and ownership. Something way too primal when he thinks about Bucky too much. The ugly jealousy making him want to fuck everything up to get Bucky. The darkness making him wishes Alex would disappear. That part doesn’t understand why Bucky doesn’t leave his boyfriend. Why Bucky doesn't want him.

 

But he is stronger than that. He has to be.

And he made a promise.

 

If life had been different, the roles could have been reversed. He could be with Riley and Bucky would appears out of nowhere, coming back into his life and then, what would he do? He is scared of the answer.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He decides to start hooking up again, something he tried a little right when he came back and Misty was pushing him to see new people. Maybe he will be lucky and meet someone interesting?

 

Who is he kidding. Fucking someone is way easier than connecting with them on an emotional level. He doesn't know what would be the point now of trying to have a meaningful relationship with someone when Bucky is already in is life? Even if Bucky is already taken.

 One guy, two guys, three...two at the same time, maybe he tries to fuck his feelings away. Does it works? Not really.

 

Days are more of the same after that: work, see his friends, eventually see someone and wait for the moment his heart will stop squeezing itself when he is in the same room as James Barnes. It’s not like they never interact, it’s just extremely impersonal. Uncomfortable. They never spend more than one or two minutes alone, Sam can't handle more.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s Monday and Sam already feels tired. Misty isn’t working today so it’s sort of boring. He is pouring some dark coffee in a mug when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

 

“When are you free?” The message asks.

 

A message from Bucky.

 

He almost want to ignore it, he just got to work, it’s not even nine am. He turns his phone, then turn it again five whole seconds after to answer “why?”

 

His phone starts to ring  _fuck, why are you calling me?!_

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I want to see you”

 

 _Want to see me?_  Sam thinks outraged,  _what does that even mean?_

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t want to play today Sam. When?”

 

Bucky is angry. Sam has to take a deep breathe, anger didn’t gave nice results with them.

 

“Around seven” he answers with a sprinkle of annoyance.

 

“Your place?”

 

“Hell no!” Bucky must be crazy if he thinks they should see each other alone in Sam’s apartment.

 

“Sam, please”

 

“Bucky, you know why I need to say no”

 

“Give me just tonight, I’ll behave okay? I swear”

 

Sam closes his eyes. He is so weak.

 

“You better be, I’ll kick you in the nuts otherwise”

 

“You just need an excuse to touch them again” Bucky snorts.

 

Sam looks at his phone as if it was the one making the joke.

 

“I swear Bucky, I can cancel the whole thing”

 

“Seven. I’ll be there” he says quickly before hanging up.

 

Sam doesn’t know if he should be happy or scared.  If something happens here, will he be able to put a stop to it? Why is he even thinking about something happening? What kind of something? 

 

 _It’s going to be a nightmare_.

 

He can’t keep it to himself and sends a text to Misty for advice but all he gets is a “you know damn well what you’re doing bringing that boy over, don’t play dumb now”.

He doesn’t want to mess up. If they can act as friends, then all of this would be worth it. Sort of. His phone lits up, a message from someone he saw two days before and who visibly wants to see him again. Maybe he should just cancel with Bucky and see him instead? No, it wouldn’t be the polite thing to do. "Maybe tomorrow” he sends his bootycall before leaving.

 

 

He swears he doesn’t want to put any kind of effort in his look, yet, he gets out of the bathroom as pimped as when he went to see Steve the first time after seven years.

 

He should be in his old t shirt and jogging instead of his skinny jean and brand new white and blue t shirt. He shouldn’t put his favorite perfume and, for the love of God, he shouldn’t drink that glass of whiskey to calm his nerves.

 

There’s a knock on his door, right on time. He opens. Bucky is here, pizza box on his prosthetic hand.

 

“Got food” he says, coming inside without waiting.

 

He goes straight to the table, dropping the box and a bottle of wine on it.

 

Sam closes the door and approach him as he takes his denim vest to put it on a chair. Bucky turns to look at him, Sam feels a little more naked that he is and it doesn’t get better when Bucky walks to him and put his nose next to his neck to smell him.

 

“You smell good” he notices “Are you waiting someone else?”

 

“No”

 

Sam realizes that this isn’t the answer he should have said because with Bucky’s smirk, the man is clearly thinking Sam did all that for him. Which he totally did but Bucky shouldn’t say it.

 

“Why are you here?” Sam asks and Bucky tilts his head before saying “It’s the first time I’m in your place, shouldn’t you be giving me the grand tour?”

 

So he does, the living room, the open kitchen, the one and only bedroom…Nothing out of the ordinary but Bucky seems pleased.

 

“So you are here because…”

 

“Steve binged watch your show so I thought it would be nice to see it with you”

 

Sam resists the urge to answer “Doesn’t your boyfriend have Netflix too?” but his face is totally giving the idea anyway so Bucky continues “I wanted to spend a moment alone with you, without having to pretend we barely know each other. I thought we were on a good path before”

 

“Before knowing that you had a boyfriend, yeah”

 

“So we can’t be friends because I have someone?”

 

“We can’t be friends because we want to fuck Barnes”

 _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit._ They have been in the same room for what? Ten minutes? And here it is, Sam already saying dumb things.

First, Bucky seems surprised, then smug, his _you want to fuck me?_ Face on but then it fall and he shakes his head.

 

“I brought wine and I didn’t know what kind of pizza you wanted but I bet you are the type to love olive and meat”

 

“James…”

 

He stops, looking at Sam with so much sadness that it break his heart just looking at him back. Sam understands, wanting something just for them, he wants it too but can they really have tonight without ruining his relationship?

“James” he repeats “I want you to be aware of something. We may not actually fuck or whatever but what we have…It’s a lot like emotional cheating. This isn’t right”

“Emotional cheating? Wilson YOU are my soulmate, if anything, I’m cheating on you so let me have one fucking night without walking on eggs, is it really too much to ask?” Sam is shocked. Never in his life did he thought that since he was Bucky’s soulmate, he was the cuckold of the story. In fact, that logic leaves him mouth open, mind blank. “Did I managed to make you finally shut up? See, that night is already a success” Bucky grins, going in the open kitchen and looking for something “Where’s your bottle opener?”

Sam’s body, currently soulless, walks to him and open one of the drawer, showing the small tool to him.

“Thanks” Bucky answers, now looking for glasses to serve them. He manages to put one of them in Sam’s hand and toast while Sam is still mouth hanging. He has to bring a prosthetic finger to Sam’s chin and push it upward to close it “You’re cute when you’re silent”

 

“What, the, hell?”

 

“Oh it’s over, anyway, pizza!”

 

Sam doesn’t understand one bit what is happening, is Barnes cheating on him? _But you have to be in a relationship to cheat on someone. Being soulmate didn’t automatically put them together right? No wait, what’s one plus one?_

 

They move to the couch, Sam silently judging Bucky while drinking his wine and eating his pizza. Which is in fact very good.

 

Bucky does small commentary or noises while looking at the third episode and Sam starts to do the same gradually. He forgets to be as guarded as he should and each smile Bucky is sending his way is weakening his defenses.

 

“Welp, how many season is this? It’s amazing”

 

“Two, and a movie as a final”

 

“That’s it? It’s a shame, I was so ready for another dick shot” Bucky purses his lips, batting his eyelashes at Sam.

 

“There’s more to it than sex Barnes” Sam repeats not for the first time.

 

“Yeah but admit the casting help a lot to keep you invested”

 

“I mean, it helps yeah. A bad casting could get you out of a scene quickly” he concedes.

 

“And with that bunch of actors, you definitely wouldn’t want to get out of it quickly, uh Sam?” He asks smugly.

 

“I don’t know what you mean”

 

“Oh really? So let’s say the four of the men shows up at your doorstep asking if they could sleep with you tonight because, obviously, there’s no more bed in all America, you would sleep on the floor?”

 

“I would respectfully...not” Sam answers before laughing.

 

“You would respectfully try to sex them all, that’s what you would do”

 

Sam is still laughing when he answer “I hate you” even trying to shove Bucky away.

 

They let episode four play and they are so relaxed that Bucky allows himself to put his legs on Sam’s lap.

 

“Maybe we could do that, like look at the show together. It’s fun” Bucky proposes almost innocently.

 

“Barnes...”

 

“I behaved tonight!” He defensively and preemptively says “You didn’t jumped on me like I know you want so it’s a win”

 

Sam sighs.

 

“Yeah”

 

“So let’s say, when we see each other in public, we can continue our little play but once a week we see each other alone and relax”

 

“This is the worst plan ever, it will blow in our face when your boyfriend learn that”

 

“We aren’t doing anything wrong, come on Sam, it’s not a bad deal”

 

Sam sights again, he should say no, there’s no way Alex won’t hear about that. Bucky’s flesh hand comes closer to his until they can touch. Sam yanks his away as if burned “Okay, Okay, Jesus, stop that”

 

Bucky is all smile, going back to look at the TV. Sam thinks there’s no way they would be able to keep this thing for long so he accepts anyway.

 

Also, he likes spending time with Bucky.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He has no idea what Bucky’s excuse is to not see Alex but the second time they see each other like that, he asks him directly.

 

“Are you lying to your boyfriend when you come here?”

 

Bucky is looking at him cooking and doesn’t seems deranged by the question at all.

 

“No. I had a conversation with him and he knows I am seeing you”

 

Sam has to pause to look at him “and he’s okay with that?”

 

“Well, he knew avoiding each other wouldn’t work anyway. We discussed about limits”

 

Sam stops asking questions then because it doesn’t smell good. He has no idea how this is going to work. Even if Bucky doesn’t do anything suspicious, Sam doesn’t know how much he can take before throwing himself at him. Maybe if they had sex they could get it out of their system and realize that this is bad and move on? Bucky HAS to be bad at it. _Please Jesus, make Barnes bad at sex and have bad breathe, please._

 

It’s the first time Sam actually cook for Bucky and the man looks excited.

Sam doesn’t understand why but he does remember their little exchange at his mom’s house.

 

It’s nothing that fancy just pasta and chicken in a white wine sauce but Bucky is mesmerized it like it looks delicious so it’s a win he thinks.

 

Bucky takes his first bite, then a second, a third...it’s concerning. Sam almost hadn’t had the time to take two bites of his plate that Bucky was ready to lick his own. Wherever his mind was while eating, it comes back in his body and he stops.

 

“Uh” he says.

 

“It isn’t that good” Sam says softly, a little unsure.

 

“No, it isn’t” Bucky agrees before getting more food in his plate. Even more than the first time in fact.

He tries to put down the fork between each bites but it starts to be obvious that he just tries to look civilized.

 

“You don’t have to put a mask here Bucky” Sam says half joking but the relief on Bucky’s face is instantaneous when he resumes eating and gives appreciative moans.

 

Sam still hasn’t finished his first plate because the noises Bucky’s make are distracting. It makes him feel weird. Good weird, but still weird. He needs to use his napkin on his neck.

 

“I lied, this is so good. You do have your mom’s cooking abilities, I am surprised” he praises while finishing.

 

“Yeah...When I need to distract myself sometimes I cook” he admits « Besides, my mom always wanted us to be as independent as we could” Bucky looks at him silently “Bucky”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What are we doing?”

 

“Eating”

 

“No, what are we  _doing_?”

 

Bucky takes a deep breathe then because he knows they are in their own bubble. They didn’t named the feelings between them but they were there, Sam knows it.

 

“I think there’s something you have to understand about me” Bucky starts, looking less pleased and more serious “The moment I knew I had a soulmate, I knew that even if I dated other people, ultimately, I’ll will always be waiting for my soulmate. But then it was you, and I didn’t know what to do with that” Sam nods because he relates very much to the last part.

“Then you weren’t here anymore and I decided that I didn’t want to be alone forever so I dated, all fun, all light relationship. Some people wanted something serious. Some people thought they were okay with the rules...”

 

“And some realized that they are in love and you’re in love with them too” Sam finishes for him.

 

Bucky lift his eyes to the ceiling, not really looking at it “I met Alex after my accident” he says showing his prosthetic arm “he helped me stop some bad things I was doing to myself and to others. I can’t just toss him because he deserves better than that”

 

“Then stay with him. This is what he wants” Sam offers. He thought at a point in time that the more he would know about Alex the easier it would have been to wish he was simply gone but honestly, after having spent time with him and hearing Bucky talk about him, he would probably accept it he they stayed together.

 

“And what about you then?”

 

“Sometimes we have choices to make Bucky. We will always have a link anyway. But I don’t want someone who purposely ruins their relationship or cheat on their partners, no matter how selfish I want to be sometimes”

 

“You would be okay with me staying with him?” Bucky asks surprised to be sure he understands correctly.

 

Sam can’t express how he feels without talking about Riley, so he gets his phone out, goes in the pictures and finds one Riley with him. Sam wanted to take a selfie in the bed they shared and Riley had joined him. Riley is kissing Sam’s cheek in the picture.

 

“Who is that?” Bucky asks with curiosity.

 

“Riley. He was my boyfriend for two years during college”

 

“Why are you showing me this?”

 

“Because in another world, the role could have been reversed. I could have been with him and you would reappear in my life. In that world, I wouldn’t want to leave Riley either, so I understand you”

 

“What happened to him?” Bucky asks knowing the answer would be hard no matter what.

 

“We had a car accident one day. I lived, He didn’t” Sam answers matter of fact-ly.

 

Bucky is shocked “Sweet Jesus, Sam!”

 

“It is what it is. What I wanted to tell you is that I know it’s not easy to you. My own feelings are evolving, I believe with time we will be able to reach a balance, at least, I hope”

 

His eyes are on the phone in front of him. He misses Riley. Not because he was his boyfriend, but because he was an amazing human being.

He isn’t surprised when Bucky gets up to hug him from behind.

 

“I’m sorry you had to live that”

 

“Thanks” is all Sam can think to say. He grabs Bucky arms, letting the feeling of his soulmate body against him fill his senses. Their mark are dancing on their body and Sam will never be tired of looking at the birds fly in black, green yellow and purple.

 

He feels Bucky kiss his temple and he kisses his arm. It’s the prosthetic one. He feels silly but at the same time, it is part of Bucky. Maybe he shouldn’t care.

He wants more of him, so he gets out of the embrace just to push away what’s on the table and sit on it, bringing Bucky closer between his legs and putting his head on his soulmate’s muscular chest. Bucky’s heart is beating so loud…

Bucky starts caressing his neck, the back of his head, his cheek even.

 

Sam wants to shut off, stay in his arms and never do anything else ever again. He wants Bucky against his skin and Bucky against his heart. He lift his head just a little and sees the exposed neck, so tempting, so close to his mouth.

 

He kisses Bucky’s neck.

 

He can feel his soulmate froze, take a step back.

 

“Sam, remember what you said” Bucky warns him.

 

“It’s hard” Sam admits. He doesn’t even know how true it feels until the words are leaving his mouth. He can’t go back now. Bucky closes his eyes. Sam notices one tear falling “I’m sorry”

 

“I know Sam, believe me, I know” He lift Sam’s chin with his flesh hand, looking him in his eyes.

 

Sam can see the conflict, the turmoil inside of him. They can’t look away from each other. Sam catches Bucky’s shirt in his hand, makes him come closer like before except this time, his head is up.

 

_Just one kiss._

 

Bucky stops him “No!” he takes a step back, freeing himself from their embrace quickly, leaving Sam shameful and silent. 

He doesn't move until he can hear Bucky close the door behind him. 

 


	10. Tension

Bastian isn’t the type of guy Sam wants to keep around, unfortunately, the sex with him is good so they see each other’s multiple times. Maybe the way Sam choose to deal with the whole Bucky situation isn't the healthiest one but it works. He sends him a text, hoping to catch him that night but got a “sorry, busy 2tight” in return. Too bad.

He tries to find someone else when he got an invite for a drink in a bar from Steve. Well, even better!

Of course, his friendly night out far from his current problems is too good to be true, Bucky and Alex are here too.

“Oh, Steve, I would have invited other people too if I had knew” he says through clenched teeth, pinching Steve’s side, making him yelp.

“Hi Sam, sorry, we are kind of crashing, but actually, it’s kind of a funny story” Alex says immediately, probably sensing the tension “We were about to see one of my friends tonight but then Steve told us that he was seeing you and my friend is single and you are exactly his type so I thought, hey, why not introduce them?”

“Oh really?” Sam pinches Steve again who tries to escape him without success.

Then, right when Sam is about to tell Alex one thing or two, someone gives Sam two light tap on the shoulder. He turns to see who that hand belongs to and a tall, smug looking, dark skin man is looking at him. There’s something familiar about him but he can’t place it.

“Hello, I’m Dorian. You must be Sam. Alex didn’t lie, you are truly beautiful”

Sam is bugging. He was about to be mad but the fine specimen looking at him makes him reconsider. He is probably taking too long to say something because he can hear Alex say “See, told you he would be pleased, maybe. He is pleased, right? I can't tell"

“I’m not sure actually” Steve answers next to him.

“I’m coming back,” Alex’s friend says to Sam “My brother is supposed to joins us too but I think he got lost. Save me a seat?”

Sam looks at him like he is crazy but still nods, eyes still on him as he walks away.

 

“First of all” he says once _Dorian_ is outside of the bar “You all are shitty for this and secondly, you are lucky he is cute”

Alex is all smile, Bucky seems to not care and find his beer fascinating.

If he doesn’t care, Sam doesn’t care either. He waits patiently for Alex’s friend to come back and he does so twenty minutes later.

“Sorry for the wait, you did save a seat for me Sam” Dorian says visibly pleased from behind him.

“Sam?”

He knows that voice. He turns too fast for it to not be suspicious. Bastian is here too.

Oh, of course.

That’s why Dorian looked familiar to him.

“You know each other?” Dorian asks.

“Oh, nooooo” Sam whispers, turning away and pressing his fingers on the bridge of his nose.

What were the odds? Why him? Why now? Why in front of Steve and Bucky?

“You told me you stopped doing that shit man” Dorian hisses, visibly to his brother.

“Don’t tell Lesly, please!”

“What is going on here?” Bucky finally manages to say, suddenly interested in what is happening in front of him.

“This dickhead is regularly cheating on his wife with men, he was supposed to stop. The fuck Bastian?!”

While the two men starts arguing in the bar for everyone to know their business, Bucky says to Sam.

“So you fuck married man too now?”

“I hope for you that I didn’t understood you correctly on that one Bucky” he warns, because he may be embarrassed as fuck right now but he isn’t letting Bucky, of all people, lecture him.

“You really have no respect” he says with something not that far from disgust in the voice which is the thing that actually surprises Sam.

“Bucky, that’s enough” Steve intervenes. He tries to calm his best friend but Sam starts to laugh.

“Wow, just wow. You know what, you’re right “he turns to the brothers “maybe I should fuck the both of you at the same time” then to Alex “and add you into the mix, I’ll fuck the bad ideas out of your ass”

“Sam come on, let’s go” Steve presses him.

He lets Steve pushes him out of his seat and brings him to the door. The sun isn’t totally down yet and the street is relatively busy. His mind can’t focus properly so he lets Steve lead him away. Of course, Bucky is following them.

“I am not done Sam, don’t you fucking leave”

“Stop it! What is your problem?” Steve replies, shocked by his friend behavior.

Here they were, like old time. All the things he tried to avoid, back in full force.

“This is between him and me Steve, so back off”

“Why? You made yourself clear already, how can you possibly have more to say?” Sam doesn’t care that much at that point, he knows there is no way what he did at his apartment would magically be okay. This isn’t a reason good enough for Bucky to be that angry thought, at least Steve is the one talking which prevents him from getting the situation worse.

“He is married”

“And I didn’t know that” Sam finally snaps.

Either Bucky doesn’t care or doesn’t believe him because he immediately replies “I have a boyfriend, did you forget that too?”

“Why are you…Oh my god, you two had sex?!” Steve whispers, looking around him to make sure nobody hears him besides Sam and Bucky.

“No, we didn’t” Sam answers to him first “I am sorry I misread you. You stopped me, so why are you mad?”

Sam immediately sees Alex coming out of the bar to meet them, Bucky too, he stops whatever he is about to say, leaving the silence heavy between them, especially with Steve still here.

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t know it would end like this” Alex is clearly uncomfortable but Sam doesn’t know if his words are sincere or not.

“I’m tired of this” Sam confesses “It won’t work. It can’t work. I can’t be around the two of you. I can’t be around you Bucky”

Bucky seems even angrier now, walking in Sam space and grabbing him by the shirt “You promised you wouldn’t leave again Wilson, you promised me!”

Sam’s heart is sinking inside of him and he tries to come up with a satisfying answer but all he can say is “Do you just want to hurt me?”

At least, Bucky’s anger seems gone in a blink. He just look shocked and sad “No…Sam…”

“I never thought I would have the feelings I have today for you.  Then I hoped they would go away and we could just be friends. It's too much right now. I really am sorry” he tries to smile, its weak “I just want to be happy Bucky. I promised myself I wouldn’t go back to how things were before. You understand right?”

Bucky is frowning hard, his hands still on Sam.

“Don’t leave me” he says, sounding almost like he is begging “Please, I’m sorry, we can find a solution Sam, we can do it together” he adds, more urgently, realization of what is happening hitting him like a train.

“Maybe we just need space Buck”

Bucky clearly wants to argue but he stops himself from doing so “This is my fault” he breathes, his hands leaving Sam, allowing him to take a step back and breaks the tension non only between them but with Sam and Alex so close to them as well. “I’ll do better Sam, I promise”. The smile he gets then breaks his heart _I did this_ he thinks.

Sam lets Steve come to him and take him away. He feels a little numb and just completely falls apart right in front of his building against Steve.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s been two weeks.

A lot of thinking, this is what he’s been doing since he last saw Bucky. A lot of back and forth and short nights. A lot of looking at his phone, hoping for anything.

At least, his friends were understanding and he didn’t have to see Alex or Bucky accidentally or explaining once again what was happening between them.

It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to see Bucky.

He knows this isn’t even that simple. He just want to know what Bucky truly wants. Why he thought important to try to connect with him in the first place?  They could have just be acquaintances but no, sir Barnes wanted to see him alone, and spend time with him, and cook and do things that was suspiciously close to dates.

What a good idea.

Maybe if he asked once and for all what Bucky thought of him, what he wanted, he would be fixed and could move on? But he is scared. Scared to have fell in love with his soulmate and being sentenced to look at him be happy with somebody else.

He should be happy for Bucky. He is, even. The part in him knowing that they are (were) friends totally is happy for them. It’s just the part craving his soulmate that doesn’t want to shut up. He did had crushes on before, he was in love with Riley even. But it wasn’t like that. Riley was really obvious. Sam knew from the start that he was into him. It was evident and simple. Bucky is like laying on a beach, falling asleep and waking up half drowning because of the tide. He can’t spend a day without thinking about him, small things like _Oh, maybe Bucky would like that_ or _He would totally buy those ugly shoes._

He misses him.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam isn’t really the type to go in a bar alone but after a long afternoon of domestic chores, he wants to be somewhere else. Usually, he would check with his friends, especially on a Saturday night but the idea of a little “me” time was kind of nice. So here he is, in what is supposed to be a gay bar, drinking a beer while reading a small book about psychology.

He doesn’t even look at the customers here, only acknowledging the waiter for a refill.

If he hadn’t been so absorbed by his reading, he would have noticed the tall black man approaching.

“Is this seat taken?” Sam got his head up, seeing Dorian here. He immediately looks around, just in case. “I’m alone”

“What do you want?” he asks not hiding how suspicious he finds the sudden apparition.

“Only talk, I promise” He smiles.

Sam supposes that smile earned the man a lot of trust from really naïve people but talking doesn’t engage him in anything else so he shrugs and Dorian sits in front of him. He still commands a beer too so he definitely is planning to stay here more than five minutes.

“I am sorry about my brother” he starts. He clearly waits for Sam to say something but he just shrugs again “I think he has been scared enough that time” 

Sam looks at him silently for a moment, trying to understand what’s inside the man’s head.  
  
“So, why exactly are you here? I don’t mean to be rude but I am kind of confused”  
  
“I understand what it means to have a complicated relationship with your soulmate” at that he turns just enough for Sam to see a Soulmark behind his ear.  
It completely throws him off and he can’t find anything to say for a moment. “I am not trying to marry you, I just wanted to talk, from someone who have a soulmate to another. Almost all the soulmates I know are in a happy relationship,things got really easy for them. I know it's not like that for you, and it wasn't for me too”  
  
Sam recognize the frustration and the bitter feeling behind the words. It has the merit of starting to make him talk.  
  
« You know they tried to basically use you to make me leave Bucky alone right?"

"They didn't try to use me" he corrects "I saw your pictures on Bucky's phone and I asked about you" Sam wonders why Bucky would have a picture of him and, more importantly, what kind of picture. "I thinks, maybe, we have some experiences in common, that's all. I understand if you don't want to talk to me because I'm Alex friend but I can assure you, I am not here to cause any drama. I just finds you cute and I need to distract myself from my own shit"

Of course, Sam wants to know about what he is going through so he asks about Dorian's soulmate. He is kind of surprise that he gets an answer.

he did find his about two years ago during the summer. He was a Thaï tourist coming in the US for the holydays and could barely talk English. Somehow he got lost with no battery in his phone and had to ask for help, seeing that guy mostly getting ignored pushed Dorian to go to him and help him himself. He did find out that he was his soulmate pretty quickly as his mark was on his wrist.  
Unfortunately the man’s family, seeing who his soulmate was, successfully managed to keep them apart and leave the next day.

In only twenty four hours he got his soulmate and lost him. He doesn’t even have a picture and the name the man gave him definitely was some westernized version of his real name.  
  
Dorian talks about it without letting a lot of emotion shows but his fist does get tighter on the table, Sam notices.  
  
“I am so sorry, man, that’s so fucked up”  
  
“Yeah, I really thinks that seeing him again wouldn’t be a good thing for him, his family’s pretty tough”  
  
Sam thinks about it hard but he knows there’s no easy answer. It frustrates him to no end.  
  
“Did you try one of these fancy Soulmark database? It’s getting easier to find people now” he suggests, already knowing that if it had been that simple, Dorian would probably have done it already.  
  
Dorian plays with one of his many rings, all in ceramic on his long fingers. Sam can almost predict what he is going to say “It’s hard to want to be in someone’s life if you think that you will hurt them by doing so” He looks at him before adding “sorry, I shouldn’t compare our situation”  
  
“No, it’s okay, you are right anyway” he chuckles “sorry for being a little aggressive earlier”  
  
“No it’s cool. I understand really. I do find you cute, no one is forcing me to talk to you, just so you know »  
  
Sam sights, shaking his head with a soft smile « I had sex with your brother, shouldn’t that be stopping you from these types of comments?” He teases.  
  
“He shouldn’t have, isn’t it unfair that he got to ruin it for me just because he knew you first?” He answers, clearly flirting without one once of shame.  
  
They spend one or maybe is it two hours talking before separating ways. Sam had a good time, listening to the other man's experience did him good and allows him to do more introspection concernant Bucky and him.

  
  
  
Dorian and Sam start to see each other more regularly. It doesn’t goes further than flirting and little touches. Sam would be lying if he said that he couldn’t see himself have sex with him, Dorian is a very attractive man after all, but it’s probably better this way.  
  
They are on the same page and talking to someone with a soulmate is a breath of fresh air. They are being supportive of each other and have a lot in common. Sam knows he is a little hypocrite because he tries to push him not to give up while shamelessly saying that he is not going to contact Bucky himself.

It seems to amuse Dorian "You both are your worst ennemies" he would say. 

Sam agrees.

 

* * *

 

 

“Wait a minute, you want to tell me that between the moment I left and now you have found a way to start to talk to Bucky, getting to know him, develop feelings for him and fight with him so now you both don’t talk at all, then fuck someone, learning that he is married to a woman and now you hang out with his brother, who has a soulmate of his own in another country? Is that right?” Natasha resumes.

She was back, bringing Clint along with her. Of all the reactions he got, Clint was bar far the warmest. He practically jumped on Sam by the big blond man when he opened the door of his apartment. It was also the weirdest because Clint whispered to his ear “I know what you two did in my room back in high school” and Sam felt the shame from his hair follicles to his toes.

At first, Sam thought that he was going to be left out of more embarrassing moments since Clint had so much to tell but after half an hour, Natasha wanted to know how things were between Sam and Bucky, which brings us back to her question and Sam’s embarrassed silence.

“Sam has a very eventful life, even if it’s a little complicated” Steve informs with a grin

“More complicated than Tony and Pepper AND Rhodey?” Clint question teasesingly.

“Tony and…what the hell?” Steve gasps, posing his glass before he makes it topple.

“Okay, you totally haven’t hear it from me ok? But remember, back in high school, Tony was dating every women naïve enough to say yes right? Well, from what I know, it was even worse in college and then he met Pepper. At first, Rhodey thought she was like the other girls but she wasn’t and when it was clear that they were serious, Rhodey started being jealous as fuck. We were touring with my circus in the US at that time and I recognized him at one of our show, so we caught up and who appears, running and screaming at us? Pepper”

It’s clear that Clint loves telling that story, he must have waited a long time for that occasion.

“So what happened?” Sam wants to know.

"I haven’t heard of them until February but then I came back for a week and guess who pops up in my Facebook as a friend request? Rhodey”

“James Rhodes doesn’t have a Facebook” Natasha counters.

“Oh, he does, and hold on to your pants, he told me that he had a date night with Pepper and I was confused right? so I asked him if Tony was okay with that and he said “of course, it’s his idea”. Can you believe that guy?”

Natasha blinks, Sam tries not to laugh as his imagination is running wild.

“No, I can’t believe that. Rhodey could do way better, relationship wise, than Tony”. She shakes her head.

Clint shrugs “That’s the power of Love for you”

“The power of Bullshit, that’s what it is” she comments and Steve cheers to that.

Sam learns that T’Challa is working in the familial company with his sister but saw Natasha the week before in London. He remembers that in high school, T’Challa didn’t want to do that at all but he guesses that his family managed to convince him to follow his father’s steps. He hopes that he is happy.

“So” Steve tries to ask casually “are the two you permanently back?”

If Natasha is indeed back for at least two years, Clint needs to know if he got the job he came back in the US for. Even if he does, there’s no way Clint is going to always be around, he loves to travel too much. It would still be nice if his home could be close to them.

 

Sam realizes how good he feels, surrounded by his friends. He truly feels like they are enough. He doesn't need Bucky Barnes in his life to be complete. He doesn't need him to be happy. Of course, he wants him in his life but he is at peace with himself at least. 

He randomly grabs Natasha to hug her, she pats his head fondly.

 

"Hanw, group hug!" Clint says from somewhere.

 

Two other bodies crash into them and they start laughing before failing between the floor and the couch.


	11. I hope you know what you're doing

When his mom invites him again next Sunday, Sam is so busy with work he doesn’t question it and answers a quick “Yeah I’ll be here”.

It’s only on his way to her house, days later, that he remembers that the last couple of times, she invited Steve then invited Bucky without even telling him. What could she do this time? Invoke the ghost of Riley?!

He hadn’t check with Steve if he was coming or not and now, it’s too late to ask without it being weird if Steve isn’t.

There’s no way Bucky is coming anyway, not with the current state of their relationship but Steve could be here, _that would be cool_ he thinks.

When he arrives, he sees Steve “death engine” which answers one of his two questions and makes him less stressed.

 

He knocks and his mom opens quickly, he kisses her cheeks and gives her a brief hug. She seems happy but it isn’t that much of a weird thing considering that she loves to receives people in her house if (key word is **if** ) she likes them.

He comes inside and of course, Steve is here talking with Sarah and Bucky.

 

Both Steve and Bucky have the look on their face showing that they clearly know they should have warned Sam about Bucky’s coming, again.

 

He greats his sister first, then Steve, whispering “with a friend like you I don’t need any enemy”

“I swear this is an honest mistake”

Sam makes sure to give him one more nasty glare before being face to face with Bucky. It’s been three months since they saw each other last and Sam wonders why he is unable to just not care. But, once again, he spent seven years trying to not care about Bucky only for him to run like the devil was behind him the first time he almost saw him.

He does care, a lot.

 

“You look good Sam” he says.

 

Sam minds runs fast to analyze each words, the tone, his eyes, the whole situation. Everything flashes in front of his eyes simply because Bucky talked to him and he needs to understand what the plan is here and why Bucky thought it would be a good idea to come without telling it to Sam first.

 

Did Bucky came **because** he knew Sam would be here? Or was it despite knowing it? Why Steve called it an honest mistake?

 

All he knows is that he needs to say something and fast.

“I always look good Barnes”  _take that in your face Bucky!_  He thinks with a smirk on his face.

“Well, I don’t disagree” he answers with simplicity and a wink.

 

Sam doesn’t feel like he won the exchange.

 

It doesn’t seems to raise any suspicion from his mom and sister but he knows Steve isn’t buying it and is waiting for the oncoming catastrophe.

Of course, everyone talk before they start to eat and Sam feels nervous. They haven’t even exchange one message since the whole brother debacle and now the man is here laughing and smiling next to him as if nothing was weird between them.

 

He focuses all of his nonexistent psychic powers to grab Steve attention and for some reason, the blond turns to him.

Sam gives a discreet look toward the stairs with a little head movement.

Steve frowns at first then say “oh Sam, do you still have your old comics? I would love to use one of them as inspiration for uh, a project. That I have”

_Good job Steve! That’s why you are my very best friend, quick thinking sure is your forte._

“If my mom hadn’t thrown them, then yes, it must be in my old bedroom” he answers a little too pleased with himself.

“You know damn well it’s still in there, I had enough of you acting like a mad animal the first three times I tried to take them away. I remember one time I almost succeeded and you ran after the car shouting “Thief! Thief!”” His mother recalls “Why even isn’t that stuff at your place already?”

“Oh my god, this is so true" his sister adds with a conspiratorial tone "One time I wanted to read one of them and he basically threaten to burn some of my stuff, you psycho!” Sarah accuses, a forgotten memory suddenly resurfacing. 

“First of all, you wanted to read my Captain Rangers number five. It's a collector and when I will be able to sell it for hundreds of dollars in ten years, you will understand” Sam says defensively, totally forgetting the real subject at hands.

He remembers it quickly when Bucky starts to laugh, clearly mocking him. He wants to tell him to zip it but Steve makes a small noise with his throat and Sam turns to him “Yeah, well, Steve, follow me”

“We are going to eat, you two can go upstairs after” Darlene warns, stopping the two men the same way she did when they were younger.

Sam curses in his head. Now he is forced to stay around and listen to Bucky daring share some anecdotes about him in high school while they dress the table.

“To be honest, at first I thought Sam was in love with Steve, got me mad for no reason” he laughs. He laughs even harder when Darlene confesses that she thought that too.

“Ah ah, this is so funny, you all don’t have friends that’s all” Sam pouts like a child.

“Come on baby, don’t be mad” Bucky says while putting his hand on Sam's arm.

 

**_Baby?!_ **

 

Bucky seems to realize his mistake and red starts to color his whole face. Sam’s family eat this up without blinking.

Sam walks away quickly to get the last dishes and has the unpleasant surprise of having the only seat available between Bucky and his mother on the round wooden table.

Bucky even dares tap the chair to show that this is indeed where he is supposed to sit.

He sits slowly and almost jumps when he feels Bucky’s arm behind his back on the chair.

He quickly gets his phone out under the table, write “what r u doing??” On it before passing it discreetly to his soulmate.

Bucky takes the phone and gives it back only after having wrote something himself.

“Ur mom thinks we’re 2gether she scared me I couldn’t correct her”

Sam's head turns so fast toward Bucky he could have snapped his own neck. Then he sends a pleading look to Steve who clearly is in the know too and shakes his head quickly and with as much discretion being between Darlene and Sarah could provide.

 

This is ridiculous, why keep that masquerade on? He isn’t (that) scared of his mother so he patiently wait for an opportunity to tell the truth. Until then he tolerates Bucky’s closeness.

 

But he doesn’t like it, at all.

 

“You two are so cute together, I was worried since nobody told me the good news” Darlene comments once they have finished the main course.

“What do you mean together?” Sam asks falsely ingenue. Here is his chance.

“A couple Sam, lovers” Sarah points, rolling her eyes hard at her brother.

“We are not a couple” Sam answers, making his mom and sister opens their eyes wild “haven’t you told them about your boyfriend already?” He then ask to Bucky who kicks him under the table.

“What do you mean his boyfriend?” Sarah questions with a raised voice.

“They are joking baby” Darlene tries to reassure, looking at the pair with hawk eyes.

“No, his name is Alex and they have been dating for a while now” he provides, sipping on his water with delight.

Darlene looks at Sam, then Bucky and finally Steve “you said nothing about that...”

Steve frozes on the spot.

“But why are you still with that Alex? That’s the real question, you two are talking since...it's been months now” Sarah asks Bucky.

“Are you playing with my son?!” Darlene cuts in disbelief.

“No, I...I’m sorry...this isn’t...” Bucky is struggling to give an answers and he turns to Sam with uneasiness and anger before leaving the table.

 

Sam sights and follows him outside in front of the house reluctantly because that’s what is expected of him, right?

 

“Why did you do that?!”

“I simply said the truth Bucky. Why did you even think it was okay to lie to my family?”

“I just didn’t want to disappoint them! Sam, seriously? Don’t you know the pressure I got to leave Alex and get with you? From day one! From almost everyone! And it’s so much worse since you’re back" He stops and groans before adding  "Do you know how insulting this is to have your relationship dismissed because you are not with the “right” person? Especially from people who are supposed to be your friends and have your back? I can’t spend a week without someone asking me why I am not with you. I know it was stupid of me to believe it would be different here”

Sam’s face change to become harder “just tell them what you told me, that you love him and don’t want to leave him then”

“This isn’t remotely as simple. I thought you would understand”

“I can understand if you explain yourself Bucky. You always do that, blaming me for things I am supposed to know when you do not talk about them!” Sam complains, hoping to make Bucky finally speaks "For once, tell me what's in your head"

 

Bucky makes a few steps away before coming back, grabbing Sam’s hand and walking him to his car. Sam opens it and they both sit behind so that they have a little more space.

 

“I wanted to talk to you Sam, but...”

“But what?” he asks in frustration.

“You were so distracting. I kept trying to see you alone and each time we started having a good time and I forgot about it. This is my fault”

Sam does remember Bucky telling him that he wanted to talk to him about some things but never quite doing it and pushing it to another time.

“I’m here now” he encourages, hoping that Bucky will stop shaking as much.

Bucky finally starts “We were dumb teenagers. We couldn’t stop being mean to each other and sure, it was bad, but I could brush it off because to me, it was just jealousy about Steve’s friendship and not specifically that you hated me as a person” Bucky stops and Sam wants to say that he agrees that they were dumb but not that he hated him. He doesn’t because Bucky anxious face tells him that whatever he is thinking about, it must be the real problem so he waits.

Bucky, who was looking at the streets in front of them snaps his eyes to Sam after a minute or two.

“When you were talking about your soulmate before knowing it was me, you were always so full of joy. Your eyes looked big and shiny and nobody could tell you nothing. You wanted the romance, the epic love story, you were certain that it was destiny”

 

_Oh, I think I know where this is going._

 

“You changed so much when you understood it was me...so much...you where disgusted and you fucking looked for someone else Sam. You looked for someone else” he repeats, trying to control his anger, his voice, his tears “you looked me in the eyes and said **no**. I never been so hurt in my life. No one managed to make me feel so low, till this day”

 

Sam forces himself to stay silent, listen to Bucky and understand how it compares to his own experience.

 

“And it got me so mad. I was just getting angrier whenever you were around and so we got to Clint’s party and...You were my first time Sam”

 

Sam closes his eyes, cursing in his mind.

 

“I had my first time with my soulmate and he didn’t cared about me” he laughs at the ridiculousness of the situation “and we were still talking about how we were angry and didn’t want to be in love and how it was fucked up that we belonged together. We didn't...Sam, we didn't even kiss” Bucky passes his flesh hand on his face, shakes his head, look at Sam “Then you came back. We tried to make it really work this time and I was so happy, you don’t know how happy I was to see you smile at me and spend time with me. But nothing could compare to how I felt when you started to take an interest in me. At least, enough for me to see it”

 

Sam feels like Bucky’s eyes are burning into him. He turns his head for a few seconds, taking a deep breathe.

 

“I was so proud, I told myself “finally”” he laughs “I really felt like I won the big prize you know? And each time we were alone, I could taste it. Of course, it was only when we were alone, otherwise, we could have been practically strangers sometimes but I wanted to be selfish and have that part of you who wanted me. Maybe even, wanted to be with me?” He finally question.

 

Sam recognize the hope in his eyes. He could say no and try to end whatever is happening here but there’s no way he will lie now.

 

He nods.

 

Bucky smiles at him and the way he blushes is beautiful too. Sam’s hand comes to his face, his cheek, the start of a beard.

Then he remembers last time he touched Bucky like that and tries to take his hand back but Bucky takes it in his to keep it where it is before pushing his face more into it and even kiss his palm.

 

“Could you just give me a little more time Sam?”

“Time for what?” He asks weakly, still mesmerized by the feeling of Bucky’s lips on his hand and unable to believe what is happening in front of his own two eyes.

“To get my shit together”

 

Sam swallows loudly. He wants to say yes but feels a little lost. Is it real? Can they work as anything more than what they currently are?

 

“You don’t have to...”

“I know Sam, but how long are we going to deny what’s between us? I don’t care if it’s destiny or something else, not anymore. Do you?”

 

Sam spent so much time hating his soulmark and what it represented. How many times did he talk to someone about how it was unfair to expect people to fall in love on the sole basis of a drawing on one’s skin? But here he finally is and soulmate or not, he wants to be with Bucky. It doesn't matter how or why, he just wants it.

 

“I hope you know what you’re doing Barnes” he warns, opening to Bucky like he never did before. 

 

All he gets is another smile in return before Bucky kisses his hand another time and they both get out of the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About time they had THE talk


	12. Produce Me Too

Sam is with Dorian, Danny  and Natasha at her new place, helping her moving in.

The apartment is small but almost scarily well laid out. There's way too many hidden furniture giving the impression of a giant puzzle more than a real place to live at first.

She has contacted a lot of her friends and organized small groups to help her over a week end. By the time Sam, Dorian and Danny are here, they just need to build the bed and clean the rest of the place. It looks way cozier now and Natasha feels proud of it.

 

“We all know you just used your spies friends to get it at that price” Sam jokingly accuses once he hear how much she has to pay for it.

 

“I do not have “spies friends” Sam, stop it. I told you my job covers half of it”

 

He makes a noise letting her know that he doesn’t buy it and moves on.

Danny starts to put some music on his phone and switches on YouTube when Sam starts giving him some video recommendations.

Between Sam, Dorian and Natasha, they cover some really nice or fun videos as much as some truly weird ones to the point of getting Danny ask what is "YouTube poop".

 

“I’m going to have that stupid song stuck in my head till tomorrow” Dorian groans after a particularly original song. He starts humming the melody and Sam jumps on the occasion to sing along "Aha, aha, hahaha, hahaha-ha brlrl, brlrl, haha"

Natasha hit them both with her pillow, laughing and commending “enough”.

 

They forget Danny’s phone for a while and another video starts to play in a language Sam doesn’t recognize. The song isn’t bad at all so he gets closer to see what this is about. They look like an asian boy’s band performing on a TV show.

One of them pretends to hit the camera when it’s his turn to sing and a strange feeling catches Sam.

 

Because he doesn’t move, Dorian comes closer to see what he is looking at too, ready to mock him at whatever is going on. Sam notices that Dorian goes silent too next too him until the video ends. He is about to move away when Dorian takes the phone and hit replay. He does it once again, with the exact same video.

 

Dorian doesn’t look like the type of man to cry. Ever. But he does, looking at the video then hitting stop when the camera zoom to one of the men.

 

“What’s going on?” Natasha asks worried from the living room. She comes closer to them, followed by Danny too.

 

“I...This...it can’t be...”

 

Sam doesn’t understand why he reacts as strongly. Surely, Dorian can’t be THAT emotional about people singing in a language he probably doesn’t understand.

 

“Uh...I need to...I need to be sure...” he starts babbling.

 

“Dude, what is that? Who is this?” Sam finally asks.

 

“My soulmate, maybe” Dorian answers with his voice breaking.

 

“Wait, what? Who?”

 

He shows them the face of the man on the video, passing the phone to Sam, then Natasha and Danny.

 

They share a look before starting to move fast without any prompting.

 

Danny takes his phone back and look at the video credit.

 

“Look for a Thaï singing competition. Rah, ah...Produce Me too, I think”

 

“Okay, on it, oh boy, I can’t read” Natasha complains, clicking randomly on a page on her MacBook.

Dorian walks next to her and takes the lead, quickly joined by the other two men.

 

“I just took a few lessons out of curiosity, I really don’t know much” he says before a page with more than fifty faces appears. Some of them are grey while others are in colors. Amongst them they recognize the man they are looking for. He stops and click on his picture, opening his profile.

 

He has golden skin and long black hair with the tips being brown.

He has a hard stare, making him look like someone who won’t hesitate to slap you if you talk shit. None of the information are in English and only his name has a romanization next to it.

 

Pop Pakorn.

 

“He told me his name was Patrick. It’s him, I’m sure it’s him!” He starts screaming from excitement.

He turns to them and literally jumps and scream some more.

Sam joins him first, congratulating him and even tearing up a bit before Natasha and Danny does the same.

“He sings! Look at him, oh wow »

Dorian is literally bouncing. He tries to see more videos of him but the only one are from the show. At least now he got his name.

 

They try, of course to find any social media he would be on thanks to his name but there’s only a Twitter fan account.

 

“So, what are you going to do?” Danny asks once Dorian calmed himself.

 

He blinks, scratching his head for a few seconds “I don’t know”

 

“You have to try to talk to him, let him know who and where you are” Danny encourages.

 

“His family is the reason we have lost each other, maybe he is better off without me. Having his name is so much more than what I could have hoped for at this point…”

 

“Dorian” Sam cuts “you have to talk to him. You have to try. Believe me, he is not better without you in his life. You are amazing and family or not, there’s no way you should stay hidden” Sam says with passion.

 

“He is right, you could send a message on the official account of the program, letting them know that you are his soulmate” Natasha proposes, immediately approved by the two men. Dorian doesn’t look so sure of himself.

 

“What if he doesn’t want to hear about me? He is in freaking Thailand, what can I do? I don’t even have money to go there”

 

“I’ll give it to you” Danny suggests extremely serious and Sam knows there’s no way Dorian would accept that kind of money, especially from Danny since he doesn’t know him all that much.

 

“Let’s just try to message the show” he proposes to avoid the travel topic.

 

They agree on sending a private message via twitter, showing his face and his mark on his back, in English since they don’t have access to anyone talking the native language quickly.

 

Dorian’s hopes are getting lower and lower with each passing minutes. Sam tries to keep his spirit up and send another message from his own twitter to the program, followed not only by Natasha and Danny but soon by all of their friends once they told them what is happening.

 

Surprisingly, the one having the most followers is Clint and after a few days, the tweet is shared by hundreds of people.

 

Dorian isn’t comfortable with exposing himself like that at all since he isn’t out to most of the people he knows but he is ready to risk it all for Pop and Sam could only admire him for that.

 

 

That night, they both are at Dorian’s apartment in his bedroom, talking about everything and nothing.

They both are looking at one of Pop’s videos when Dorian break apart, starting to cry uncontrollably in Sam’s arm.

 

“I’m sorry. I thought I would never see him again. I don’t know what to do. He has a life and probably a career there, what am I doing?!”

 

“You are fighting for love Dor’. Don’t doubt now. I know he will be happy to find you again. Don’t let anything stop you okay? I know how you feel, but believe me, there’s no way he doesn’t want you around”

 

“If only you could follow your own advices” Dorian replies with a chuckles.

Sam rolls his eyes. He is getting there after all.

 

Dorian started as an almost bootycall, an arranged meeting by his soulmate’s boyfriend and now he is rooting for Sam and Bucky to actually get together. Sam isn’t exactly comfortable with that but he appreciates the sentiment.

 

“One soulmate problem at a time, we got a lot of retweet so don’t...is that your phone buzzing?”

 

They turn to the side of the bed where the phone is laying on the floor and someone is indeed calling. A really weird number neither Sam nor Dorian recognizes. He answers before putting the speaker for Sam to hear too.

 

“Hello, are you Dorian Latvus?” The voice asks with an accent.

 

“Yes, who are you?”

 

“I am Veronica Ruangroj, I work for the show Produce Me Too. We saw your tweet”

Sam jumps off the bed, making victory gestures before coming back to Dorian to listen near the speaker“we would like to check the authenticity of who you claim to be. It will just be sending me some documents and answering some question”

 

Dorian doesn’t hesitate to start right now. He has to decline his identity and send a picture of himself as well as his mark and his passport.

It takes a little less than half an hour since Dorian has a lot of his papers in order and in pdf.

The woman, Veronica, is professional.  She doesn’t give much about if everything is okay or not until the last check on her list.

 

“Mister Latvus, are you free next week, from the 20 to the 25?”

 

“I am supposed to be working, why?”

 

“We would like to invite you to the final of our program. We are gathering loved ones of the other contestants and we thought it would be an honor to help one of them reunite with their soulmate”

 

Dorian looks at Sam with his mouth gaping “I...you want me to go to Thailand?” He asks to make sure he understands correctly.

 

“All will be paid, of course. Unfortunately we do not have a lot of time, can I have your email to send you the details?”

 

 

Dorian is staying silent for five to six minutes looking at his phone after the end of the conversation. Sam doesn’t know what to say either at first, it feels so surreal.

 

“You are going to Thailand next week”

  
  
“I am?” Dorian says dumbly, frowning at his phone.

  
  
“This is an opportunity you cannot pass man, you can’t say no. I won’t let you say no. I’ll have Natasha and Luke and Steve and Misty tie you, put you in a box and be mailed to freaking Thailand if I have to” Sam fondly threatens.

  
  
They warns Some of Dorian’s friends but still try to keep it on the low just in case this is a disaster.  
  
Sam calls Steve of course, with Danny and Natasha involved, he would hear about it anyway, then he hesitates but considering his boyfriend is really good friend with Dorian, he calls Bucky too.

  
  
“Hey, Bucky?”

  
  
“Sam? What happened? Is someone dead?” Bucky immediately asks with clear worry.

  
  
“Man, no, not at all. I just wanted to tell you that Dorian is leaving for Thailand next week so if you want to warn Alex you both are welcomed to join us at the airport”

  
  
Bucky is silent for a while “you want us there? You sure?”

  
  
“This is for your friend, don’t you want to be there? For him?”

  
  
“Yeah of course...I just...okay, okay, just text me the info, I’ll see with Alex”

  
  
“Nice, take care then”

  
  
It had been easier than he thought. No weird hurt aftertaste, no overthinking, that was growth. He congratulated himself before moving on to his next task.

 

* * *

  
  
Sam and Dorian arrives way too early at the airport and the man tries to play it cool but he stresses hard, looking at his phone again and again to check all the details.

  
“Relax man, everything is going to be fine”

  
“I am sending my black ass to Thailand to see my soulmate, how can it be fine?”  
Sam laughs at that because he would be as anxious as him in his shoes.  
  
Alex, Bastian And another woman, Yvonne arrives next.  
  
Sam doesn’t expect Alex to acknowledge him so he clearly looks surprised when the man shakes his hand. They share a look a little long for people just saying hello but Sam doesn’t know what to do with that so he choose to simply be as cordial as he would usually be.  
They are here for Dorian anyway so any weirdness between them shouldn’t be dealt with now.  
  
It may be naive, after all, they are all because someone is going to try to meet their soulmate and they really can’t ignore that Sam’s will be here soon too.  
  
He wonders how awkward it could get when the three of them would be in one place, how the heart to heart he got with Bucky would translate facing his boyfriend. How Sam’s own attitude would reflect his resolution to not give up and wait for Bucky?  
  
His heart is beating loud when they see Steve and Bucky arriving and maybe it isn’t innocent that Bucky goes to Alex first. What makes Sam’s heart almost stops is when they kiss each other on the cheek instead of on the lips.  
  
He desperately focuses on the other travelers instead of what he just saw. He doesn’t know why he tries to hide that he saw that, they are in a public place, of course he would see that.  
  
Then Bucky tries to say hi to Yvonne but she seems just a little hostile. Bastian isn’t all that warm either but considering that the last they saw each other may have been when his cheating ways got exposed, it’s not surprising.  
  
Steve is the first to go to Sam with a one arm hug and a smile.  
He almost wants for something to come block Bucky from walking to him but nothing is between them and Bucky awkwardly gives his hand before trying to kiss Sam cheeks too and Sam has to put both his hands on his arms to stop him and give him a light hug, trying to laugh it off before promptly pushing him away.  
  
Bucky raises a mocking eyebrow but otherwise says nothing.  
  
They keep Dorian company until he has to get in the plane, the man is walking a little mechanically and with one last look at his friends, he is gone.

  
  
Bastian and Yvonne are the first to leave, then Bucky and Alex starts talking about something and Steve turns to Sam.  
  
“I have something to do, is the viewing party at Danny’s still on?”

  
  
“Yeah it is, I do not care how or where, we are going to look at that finale live!”

  
  
“Cool, I hope your faves are going to be in the group” Steve teases while starting to walk away.

  
  
“I do not have any faves, I don’t even know what the show is about” Sam refutes with a grin.

  
  
Steve just makes a small sign with his hand before turning to leave.  
Sam is about to do the same when he sees Alex leaving in the opposite direction and Bucky still here.  
His soulmate comes closer to him “Hey, are you free right now?”  
  
“Depends, to do what and with whom” Sam answers in all seriousness.

  
  
“Steve has a date that he is meeting here and he doesn’t want to tell me with who so I’m going to follow him until I have my answer”

  
  
This isn’t what Sam was readying his body for so the outrage is real when he says “You can’t spy on your friend!”

  
  
“Well bye then”

  
And just like that, Bucky is turning his head to look for Steve and walk in the same general direction the blond left.

  
  
Sam bites his lips “Shit, Barnes!”

  
He does NOT want to do something that immature but at the same time, he should go. Not to look for who Steve is dating but to be sure Bucky doesn’t do anything stupid, right?!  
  
His feet starts moving and he accelerate until he is right behind him. Bucky hadn’t even took a look behind him that he gives his hand to Sam “Quick, if we loose him it’s over”  
Why does Sam takes his hand? He doesn’t know, but even if it’s his prosthetic one, it’s still oddly comforting.  
  
Bucky guides them through the crowd, making them almost collide with other people every few seconds but eventually they get toward a part with less shops and more restaurants.  
  
Steve is here, talking to one of the employees in what look like an Asian fusion restaurant which makes Bucky shake his head.

  
  
“Really Steve, you invited your date in that restaurant?”

  
  
“What’s wrong with it?” Sam whispers half hidden behind a wall.

  
  
“Come on Sam, this is basically a fast food. Would you invite me to KFC for a date?”

  
  
“I sure as hell wouldn’t but only because I don’t like their chicken” he answers on the defensive which makes Bucky snorts.

  
  
They try to be as discreet as possible, the very best would have been to be in the restaurant too but Steve puts himself in a way allowing him to watch anyone coming in so they have to stay near the little space leading to the restroom.

  
  
“Did Alex said no to your little spying game? Because he was right to do so”

  
  
“I didn’t asked him” Bucky answers without even looking at Sam.

  
  
“Uh, Bucky come on, your boyfriend...”

  
  
“I don’t have a boyfriend anymore by the way”

  
  
“What?” Sam asks with his voice nearly cutting the one syllable of the word because of the surprise.

  
  
“Broke up with him. Actually, after we went at your mom’s. Remember?”

  
  
“Jesus, James...how can you say that like..like that? Now? Here?!”

  
  
Bucky actually turns to look at him. People are living their life around them and they are spying on their best friend near the restroom.

  
  
“Don’t be fooled, Alex and I are still processing it. Besides, I didn’t know how to tell you so...here it is. I am no longer with Alex”

  
  
Sam is halfway between exasperation and surprise. Bucky is still looking at him and he desperately wants to say something more than just "what the hell?"

  
  
“How do you feel about it?” He finally asks Bucky, gauging his reaction.  
Was that a good or a bad news? Was that temporary?

  
  
“Dunno. He was important to me in his own way. Still is. But I think we took the best decision and I hope we can manage to save at least a little part of our friendship you know?”

  
  
Sam nods. Sure, Sam felt that something was coming after the last time they talked but a separation? « Is this, like...to figure things out so that...maybe in the future... » he tries, uncertain of how to say what he really means.

  
  
Bucky has a shy smile, turning to look at Steve again but still saying « I am sure of what I am doing if that’s your question »

  
  
« I mean, I just don’t want to assume, you know. Just to understand clearly »

  
  
« You understand just fine, now shush, she may be our mysterious lady he cuts, showing Sam who he is talking about.

  
  
Sam really can’t see her face from the distance and angle « we have to get closer » 

  
  
Bucky looks around then points toward the left side of the restaurant where a large window shows the customers eating and or drinking. If they manage to walk there without getting spotted, they will be able to get close enough to have a good look.

  
  
“We will be way to suspicious if we go there together at the same time” Bucky informs.

  
  
Sam rolls his eyes “Steve is probably only looking at that woman, to be honest, I am almost sure he wouldn’t notice us coming in the restaurant itself”

  
  
“But, where is the challenge then?” Bucky pouts as if Sam just sucked all the fun out of their little spying situation.

  
  
“Why even am I hiding? I can literally walk in there, sit right next to Steve and he could tell me nothing. One look at you and he will remember why he better zip it and introduce us”

  
  
Bucky considers Sam’s word “bold, I like that. It could work actually”

  
  
They look at each other grinning and almost laughing like evil scientist before Sam gets serious again “Come on Barnes, lets leave them alone, I am not working today and I have better things to do than this”

  
  
Bucky does seems disappointed and doesn’t move when Sam starts to walk in the direction they came in.  
After a few steps, Sam turns to him, eyebrows raised “Aren’t you coming?”

  
  
Bucky smiles so brightly, his attempts to seems cool three seconds later totally fails and make Sam laugh loudly.

  
  
He likes how Bucky blushes and tries to shove him away but Sam dodges and has to catch him because he could have fell. He brings Bucky's back against his chest and whisper in his ear “Careful here ‘mate”, his arm on Bucky’s hips.

  
  
Sam likes a little too much being behind Bucky and doesn’t notice the two persons walking to them.

  
  
“What are you doing here?”

  
  
They jumps, turning their head toward Steve’s voice. Of course, they take a good look at the blonde woman next to him. Sam recognize Sharon Carter from what Steve told and showed him before.

  
  
“Steve? You? Here?” Sam asks falsely shocked.

  
  
“I thought you had a date, why are **you** still here?” Bucky adds in a perfect combinaison. 

  
  
“Don’t tell us you had a date at the airport man” Sam continues, the picture of the perfect outrage.

  
  
“Have some respect to your beautiful lady friend here, I am so sorry of my best friend lack of manners, he doesn’t even introduce us. I am Bucky Barnes and this is...”

  
  
“Sam Wilson, my pleasure » he proposes his hand and she gives her to shake it but instead, he bows to almost kiss it which prompts Steve to makes a warning noise and Bucky to intervenes as well.

  
“Okay Sam, don’t try to steal Steve’s lady”

  
  
“M’not, just being polite and a gentleman, you should try some times”

  
  
“Are you saying that I don’t have manières Wilson?” Bucky asks only half joking.

  
  
“I mean, I’m just saying that you are basically a cad”

  
  
“A CaaAAd?!” Bucky repeats incredulous.

  
  
“I think I see what you meant last time Steve. Sharon, by the way. Sharon Carter »

  
Bucky’s eyes twitches as he connect the name and face to the “other” Carter. He got that smirk just for Steve not subtil at all and Steve blushes despite trying to keep his face even.  
“Anyway guys, I gotta go, I only was there in between flights so it was a good occasion to see Steve”  
She smiles at him and he mirrors her, devoting all of his attention to her.

  
  
“Well so, you got my number in case you...in case you want us to go eat or see a movie or...”

  
He is cut by Sharon putting a finger on his lips before kissing him. Because Bucky and Sam are behind Sharon, they see Steve hands moving, ready to grab Sharon waist, dancing in the air before they settle on her hips .

  
  
« Later Rogers » she says before turning to his best friends « Bucky, Sam »

  
  
« Bye Sharon » Bucky answers with a un-hidden pleasure. She knows Steve is going to be teased if only because of Bucky’s attitude. Sam may be more discreet when he says his goodbyes but they both definitely share the same mischievous energy.

  
  
“You never will be able to convince me this is just a simple coincidence that you both are here now” Steve says once Sharon his gone. 

  
  
“Good things we won’t try then” Sam answers with a grin.

  
  
Steve sights but starts smiling quickly when his best friends each passes an arm around him and starts messing with him about his future girlfriend, Sharon Carter.  



	13. Soulmates

The Produce Me Too final happens a Saturday morning for them because of the time zone.  
  
Its night there and Dorian did manage to send them some updates since he safely arrived. He hadn’t seen Pop yet because they want to keep it for the show so he mostly was in the luxurious hotel, walking only in the neighborhood just in case he got lost. He visited the studio where the show is recorded and, so far, he enjoys his trip.  
Well, if he doesn’t count the weird way a lot of locals are looking at him and, of course, the stress of seeing Pop again.  
  
  
Danny, of course is here with Misty.

Luke and Claire, secretly living for the drama are already sipping mimosas.  
  
Clint, Natasha, a woman named Helen and her boyfriend Bass are here too. Helen isn’t from Thailand at all but is bilingual because of her studies and her boyfriend so she is the one Natasha invited to do the translation. It’s by studying abroad that she met her baby faced boyfriend, Bass.  
She may not know anyone here  besides Natasha but it doesn’t stop her from going to everyone and introduce herself.  
Bass is more reserved, it may be because English isn’t his first language and because he knows no one here expect his girlfriend too. He doesn’t look like twenty four at all. Eighteen would be pushing it a little even. He seems nice enough for Misty and Steve to try to befriend him immediately and put him at ease quickly at least.  
  
Alex is here with Bastian and Yvonne (a friend of the brothers since they were little).  
  
Of course, Steve and Bucky are here too and it’s making Sam a little nervous because with the break up being official, it isn’t really making his interaction with Alex and Bucky any less weird.  
Alex isn’t angry or anything but for some reason Sam wants to apologize to him anyway.  
  
They connects Danny’s Mac to the giant screen in the living room and are scattered between the large couch and the pufs, the coffee table in front of them full of foods and drinks.  
  
Sam sits next to Misty toward the middle of the couch and is surprised to see Bucky come in front of him, sit, and even spreading Sam’s legs a little so he could be between them.

  
“Everything’s good Barnes?” He asks with a faked confidence.

  
“Yep, You?”

  
Bucky can’t see the look Sam is drilling in his head but Sam can see how smug he looks and Misty shakes her head scoffing.

“Okay it’s on” Danny announces and both Helen and Bass explains to them what is going on.  
The show starts with a performance with all of the contestants previously eliminated before being joined by the ten finalists.  
  
“They will make a group out of the ten but nobody knows how many of them are going to be in” Bass informs.  
  
“Can’t they take them all?” Steve asks.  
  
“This isn’t a Korean group Steve” Helen answers with just a point of disdain which makes Danny, Natasha and Alex laugh while Sam turns to him “Yeah Steve, this isn’t a Korean group, are you living under a rock?”  
  
“Don’t act as if you weren’t asking yourself the same question”  
  
“Yeah but I wasn’t enough of a fool to say it” Sam winks and Steve purses his lips with a “I won’t forget about that” under his breath that only Yvonne and Bastian hear.  
  
They can’t understand the song but the scenery is beautiful with giant screen behind them and an conquered audience.  
  
The hosts, an old man and a, it seems, very colorful drag queen, explains how the night will go with guests, performances and surprises.  
The ten contestants are in three groups, the first as a duo, the second as a trio and the third with the remaining ones.  
  
Quickly, the duo is the one to receive their first surprise with the coming of a famous Thai personality here specially to support them.  
They seems almost ready to faint and they can’t get their eyes off her. There's something about her very captivating, besides her obvious beauty.   
Bass makes an impresses noise “For her to be on this kind of program, either they paid her a lot or she really loves them”  
  
While the duo basks in the woman’s glory, the trio has to perform a powerful ballad.  
The vocals are mostly on point and one of them in particular clearly has the “it” factor, giving ad lib at the end for days.  
  
“This is too much pressure” Yvonne whispers as they finish. She leaves to come back with several pack of tissues and everyone feels grateful for the attention.  
  
Sam pats Bucky’s head when he takes his own pack and the man pats back his leg two times for no other reason that they feel like it.

  
  
They do some refills during the commercials too and feels more nervous but ready when it starts again.  
  
This time, this is the Drag queen who performs and she surprises them by even doing some vocals. She definitely isn’t here to play and the audience knows it well.  
  
Then, it’s the group’s turn to perform an energetic and upbeat song. They all cheers when they spot Pop, front and center in the configuration. He leads with charisma and gives poses and winks to the camera knowing full well how good he looks doing it.  
  
“I read that he started as one of the underdogs of the competition because he isn’t backed up by a company but quickly risen in popularity” Helen provides.  
They can see why, he easily captures the camera.

  
After another break that they looked entirely because they were curious about Thailand's commercials, came the turn of the trio to have their moments.  
  
Everyone had changed places by now, Sam is in one of the two fancy chairs Danny got in the living room, next to Natasha in the second one and Helen on his right. Bucky is on the other side of the room, between Danny and Alex.  
Sam tries to not worry about it, there’s no reason for him to not believe Bucky when he says that it’s over. He wonders why he feels as insecure sometime when it comes to Bucky.

  
  
Back to the show, because they were the one succeeding at a challenge last week, the trio’s surprise is to won a week in a palace for them and two people of their choices.  
Needless to say one of them was already saying that he would bring his parents as soon as possible.  
  
For some reason, an American pop singer performs their last hit before singing with the duo on an 90's classic R&B song. They are rivaling as the song hit its climax and you would never been able to tell that the song wasn’t wrote for the three of them in the first place thanks to the arrangement.  
  
There’s a montage then, of the contestants first apparition during the audition, then the training and various moments filmed around, building tension as they dramatically put in grey the other eliminated.  
Clint and Natasha were trying to hide their laugh.  
“Yeah, sometimes we really likes to do the most” Bass agrees with a fond smile.  
  
By that time, almost one hour and a half is already gone.  
  
They have another commercial, foreshadowing the last surprise for the group of five.  
  
Bucky, like Luke and Yvonne, uses that break to go to the restroom before coming back just in time for Ma Cherie, the drag queen, to ask the group to go in a secret room.  
  
Sam was in the kitchen briefly and sees Bucky, between Bass and Steve looking at him. He quickly walks to sit between his legs like Bucky did with him earlier. In fact, it was almost nicer there because he had a direct access to the snacks.  
Claire passes him what he assumes to be orange juice but clearly he isn’t paying attention because there’s champagne in it.  
Claire and her mimosas.  
Bucky taps his shoulder lightly and Sam turns, proposing him the drink. Bucky takes it and sip some of it before giving it back to him.  
He feels strangely good between Bucky’s legs.

  
  
The group seems really confused but go quickly while the plateau goes silent.  
  
The room is entirely white, only the dark doors breaks the almost blinding effect of the place.  
  
The five men are inside and look at each other before the hosts builds the tension by asking if they know why they are here.  
One of the men immediately wonders if they are all eliminated.  
The second the door from the other side of the room opens, they all stop moving.  
  
The first head coming through look at them shyly, she seems around ten and one of the contestant says something, a name, before she launches herself in his arms. Suddenly a dozen of unknown are flooding the room.  
  
“It’s their loved one” Helen says quickly because they probably could tell. There’s no camera man inside the room but they switch between three cameras half hidden inside to give the public all the feels.  
  
“Dorian isn’t here” Steve notices. In fact, no one is here for Pop and he tries to go in a corner but several people are talking to him and introducing him to others.  
  
“Well” the presenter cuts after a few minutes “I need everyone but Pop to go outside and join us”  
  
The entourage of the group are the first outside. The group all hugs their fellow contestant and seems worried for him.  
Once he is alone and everyone else is on the plateau too, the host says “Pop, as you can see, your family isn’t here”  
  
“It’s...not a surprise” he admits. Maybe it’s because Dorian told Sam how his family was controlling, at least when it came to his soulmate, and maybe he is reading too much into it but he thinks that Pop looks relieved that nobody was here.  
  
“Could you tell us why that is?”  
  
“Well...they don’t like me being here. They don’t...they aren’t the most supportive of my choices or who I am so...” he tries to be brave and appears detached but the cameras are insanely good at showing the audience the red of his eyes and the way he tries to get his breath under control.  
  
“I believe this can’t be easy for you” Ma Chérie adds after a pause.  
  
“To be honest I am almost relieved. We aren’t that close anymore” he specifies “But I am happy for my friends here, they were missing their family dearly”  
  
There’s a pause and, at Danny’s and in the audience, they share the same reaction when Pop tries too much not to break and there’s something empty in his face for a moment before he snaps out of it and offer a smile without knowing exactly where to look.  
  
“I am ready to fight”  
  
Ma Chérie has to try three times before she can properly say “Pop, we have someone here for you. If you want to meet them, you can push the green button behind you. It’s entirely your decision”  
  
“That’s fucked up” Bucky says, everyone agrees. “Dorian can’t come back without having seen his soulmate!”

  
  
Pop turns to look at the button. Bring back his hand to his chest at the last second then changes his mind one last time and pushes it.  
He is next to the door he used to come inside so now he is totally back to the other entrance, unable to see Dorian pushing it slowly to come inside.  
  
The silence is oppressive as Dorian looks at his soulmate’s back and Pop has his eyes closed, waiting for something.  
  
“Patrick? I mean, Pop?” Dorian asks with so much vulnerability that the other man turns immediately, looking at the black man in front of him.  
He definitely looks like he is seeing a ghost.  
Walking slowly to him, he almost doesn’t dare touch him, his fingers so close to Dorian's face, as if taking the last step could make his soulmate disappear.  
  
“You found me” Pop can be heard saying.  
  
“I found you” Dorian agrees.  
  
Pop puts his head on Dorian shoulder before his arms comes around his neck to hug him with as much strength as he can. Dorian’s arm closes around his back near his hips and he lifts him up to make him turn in the air before kissing him everywhere he can.  
Pop is laughing, crying and kissing back.  
  
They cut back to the plateau and at Danny’s they all take a loud breathe, all packed against one another.  
  
“I need more tissues” Steve announces before someone handles one to him.  
  
“Hanw, Bro’” Bastian says fondly.  
  
Sam is proud to have used only two tissues, Bucky has a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
  
“You okay?”  
  
He nods, smiles at him before putting his eyes back on the screen.  
  
Both of the host have watering eyes as well when they asks Pop and Dorian to go back to them.  
  
A minute after, the whole audience cheers at them as they walk hand in hand in front of everyone.  
  
“Dad is going to faint when he’s gonna see this” Bastian says with some weird delights. From what Sam’s know, their dad is one of the people Dorian isn’t out to.

“Pop, how do you feel?” Ma Cherie asks.  
  
He tries to answer a first time, look at Dorian once again “Happy and confused”  
  
“We weren’t sure it would be a good surprise for you actually”  
  
Pop can’t answer, he looks at Dorian like the moon and the stars and Dorian brings him closer to kiss his forehead.  
  
They ask Dorian to tell a little about himself and someone translate right after for the audience.  
They then ask them to join the other contestant and have another guests. A boy’s band coming from another country.  
Helen screams from excitation.  
  
“I love them” she explains as if it wasn’t written all over her face.  
  
They starts to sing a ballad and the way their voices were responding to one another and the harmonies they were doing gave another dimension to the whole moment. Thanks, Sam, Steve, Claire, Alex, Yvonne and Helen are already a mess by now since they cry even more because of the stupid montage focusing at time on Pop and Dorian.

  
  
Then comes the last general performance for the contestants before they open public votes, which, they does too when Helen and Bass direct them with precision among the steps.  
  
Some of them rushes to the bathroom during the last commercial break and Bucky catches Sam on his way back as Natasha walks past them without even blinking.  
  
“Didn’t know you could cry that much Wilson, you better drink more water before you look like an old leaf during autumn”  
  
“Excuse me for being happy for my friend. This is romantic as fuck and I’ll cry some more even if I end up looking like a ghoul”  
  
Bucky snorts, grabbing Sam’s hand to bring him back to the living room when they sit next to each other between Steve and Bass.  
  
Bucky doesn’t let his hand go so Sam says nothing and passes his thumb on the back of it. Smiling to himself when he sees their mark moving there.  
  
He catches Alex looking at them and for a second he almost panics but Alex smiles and he hopes it means everything will finally be okay.

  
  
It takes almost half an hour more for the show to finally announce the final selection.  
The duo is taken with the addition of one member of the trio and one from the group. In a sort of predictable twist, they had Pop too who couldn’t smile harder even if he tried.  
They sure have a hard time filming Dorian putting Pop on his shoulders and shouting “that’s my soulmate!” under a golden confetti rain.  
He then lets him back on the ground and seeks a camera man, walking straight to him and says “I want to thank my friends, hey guys! We did it!” He smiles, sending kisses in the air before going back to his soulmate.

  
  
No one feels like leaving but unfortunately some obligations can’t be avoided. Bucky is among the group needing to go. Everyone else is already outside and only Sam, Danny and Steve are still here, finishing to clean the living room.  
Sam has no idea how to say goodbye to Bucky given the circumstances.  
  
He chooses a classic kiss on the cheek but the way he is grabbed by the other man makes everything way too intense for what it is supposed to be.  
He feels fingers slip under his shirt just above his jean, it doesn’t seems innocent to him.  
“Gotta go” Bucky whispers.  
  
Sam doesn’t think he actually wants to leave, not by the way his lips ghost on his forehead. He puts his hand between them, on Bucky's belly at first. He shamelessly let’s his fingers touch the abs there, going up to the pecs, his throat...  
Bucky looks at him with anticipation and hunger.  
Sam knows exactly what he wants. He pushes away playfully.  
  
“Then go”  
  
He has the nerves to smile widely, so proud of himself. At least until Bucky groans, step in where he was seconds ago and kisses him. His lips are so soft against his he forget to breathe. Both of Bucky’s hand are on his face like he is something precious.  
Sam can’t help but made an appreciative sound he only wanted to keep in his head. It clearly doesn’t escape his soulmate who smiles against his lips.  
  
« See you Sam » Bucky says after they separate before rushing away. He must be late with all this fooling around.  
  
Sam locks the door behind him.  
  
« Haaaaaanw » Steve makes behind him.  
  
« Here Steve, another tissue” Danny proposes.  
  
“Thank you”  
  
Sam turns to them. They seems happy and doesn’t hesitate to almost jump on him to hug him.  
  
« Freaking finally » Steve says.  
  
« Even I started to find that a bit long » Danny admits and it stings because Danny is one of the most patient guy Sam knows but he can’t even deny that it took them too long. It feels like it’s officially a new chapter for the two of them, one that they’ll finally write together.

 

 

* * *

 

  
Sam doesn’t have time to wonder if they were taking things slow or not because Bucky asks for a date during the following week.  
  
He invites him in a restaurant, a hidden gem Sam wouldn’t have dared come into if it hadn’t been for Bucky but even with the place almost empty, the second Sam sit in the chair or black wood definitely handmade, he knows the place is special.  
There’s a warmth here, the impression of being in a cocoon separated from the world.  
  
The waiter has an accent close to Eastern Europe that Sam can’t pinpoint.  
“Do you trust me?” Bucky asks and Sam frowns at first at the question but realizes that he doesn’t know most of the meal on the menu so he nods and Bucky orders for the two of them.  
  
They don’t drink any wine, first because Sam is driving and secondly because Bucky wants him to experience the flavors without any alterations.  
  
Sam was feeling a little tired earlier because of work but being with Bucky was sort of energizing him. He feels content and easily happy with him. It contrasts so much with the way their relationship started he laughs suddenly just as the desert is coming.  
  
“What’s gotten into you?” Bucky asks perplexed.  
  
“Sorry, sorry. I’m just amazed. We are here, together. I never would have thought that we would end up like that”

Bucky is silent a moment “You never thought about us…like that? I mean, before”

“Well…no. Not really. I mean, I had moment where I was thinking about being with my soulmate and at first; it was a faceless person you know? Then it was you and I was like…I won’t have that. I will never be loved by my soulmate. I think I saw that really negatively”

Bucky takes time to consider Sam’s words before asking, “When did you changed your mind?”

Sam takes so long to answer, Bucky start to wonder if he even heard him “I think, the first time I really thought about it was when we saw each other at my mom’s and you said that you didn’t liked that I left. I was surprised and…I don’t know, I think I kind of thought that you were cute or whatever” he coughs, not used to say those things “and you? When did you…”

“The very first time I thought about it was when I understood that I was your soulmate. I did not want that but I think, it was partially because of the way you responded to it. Then, the first summer you left, everything felt different. It took me some times to admit that I liked what happened with you. I mean. At first, I tried to categorize that as purely sexual. Then…Honestly, the moment I knew I was fucked was when I told you about Alex and I saw the “oh shit” moment in your eyes. I started to ask myself why you would react that way and then, I guess I just realized I would have been jealous if you had been in a relationship so that’s when I knew”

“I kind of bugged when you told me about Alex it’s true” he laughs “ We have quite the history, the two of us”  
  
“It’s a good thing right?”  
  
Sam smiles at him, grabbing his prosthetic hand “yeah, it is. I am happy to be with you”  
  
“You mean...with me...with me?”  
  
Sam laughs again “with you Bucky, as, you know, together. If that’s what you want”  
  
Bucky blushes hard, gets up to give Sam a kiss before siting again and digging in his food “that’s a yes by the way. Also, this is only the beginning Wilson, now that you got me, I won't let you go anytime soon”

 

  
  
They walk to the car hand in hand and Sam doesn’t want to leave Bucky. He knows he can see him often now but tonight feels special.  
Tonight is for them.  
  
They drive in relative silence. Nothing heavy between them but the desire to be together.  
  
“Would you like to...uh, get coffee at my place, or something? I’ll drive you back to your place after of course” Sam asks nervously.  
  
Bucky spend a minute just observing him “Or we can go to your place, do the thing you really want to do and you’ll give me coffee and fresh clothes tomorrow morning?”  
  
Sam breathe loudly, glad the traffic is as light as it is right now. How can Bucky says this as directly?  
  
“Deal” he answers because maybe being direct is a good thing right now.  
Except he feels Bucky’s hand against his tight and the man seems to want to drive him crazy.  
It works.  
  
He drive faster than he should and almost jump off his car once arrived under Bucky’s amused laugh.  
He laughs a little less when they are making out in the elevator and definitely not at all when Sam close the door behind them and start undress him with an hunger that makes Bucky drunk on his love only.  
  
“We can...we don’t have to..now. You know?” Sam asks just before he opens Bucky’s black jean.  
  
“Wilson, we waited enough. I want you inside me, or me inside you, I do not fucking care. I just want you” Sam is surprised, pleasantly surprised “Sam, I love you. And I’m not saying it because we are about to have sex but because I feel it”  
  
“Fuck, James. I love you too. I love you” he says, kissing the words on Bucky’s lips, sending their remaining clothes fly all around.  
It isn’t exactly a surprise that Bucky uses his prosthetic arm mostly to caress and hold. Sam doesn’t care, but he notices. He notices how Bucky almost worship his body and the joy it brings him to do the same to his lover.  
There’s something about Bucky’s body that makes him want to touch and taste him. Bucky has to stop him several time from sucking him to death.  
  
“Come on” he pants “I don’t want to cum like that”  
  
“What? Scared you won’t be able to get it up again?” Sam teases, looking at him in the eyes while passing his tongue on the throbbing length.  
  
“Damn it Sam!” Bucky hisses as he tries without success to stop himself from cumming on his belly and on Sam plumped lips.  
  
“Yeah, that’s my boy” He congratulates proudly as Bucky’s body is calming itself.  
  
At first, Bucky hides his face with his arm but then he looks at Sam, revenge written on it. In Sam’s bedroom, only the city lights are shining on them and Sam finds Bucky all kind of beautiful with his hair a little damp and half hiding his face.  
  
Maybe he is a little too mesmerized to understand what he plans to do when Bucky pushes him lightly on his back and sits on him.  
He gets with the program quickly when his cock repeatedly pushes against Bucky’s hot entrance because of the way he moves his hips.  
  
“Buck’...”  
  
“Shh, my turn”  
  
He definitely takes the lead, sucking him for a few minutes before putting the condom and lube on.  
  
He resumes his position and teases his own hole with Sam’s dick. The pushes are getting stronger with time and Sam guesses this is the way he prepares himself.  
  
Bucky seems to find an angle he is pleased with and sits with more strength. His breathing harder as Sam enters him slowly.  
One hand on his round butt, the other in Bucky’s, Sam moans as much as his soulmate.  
It’s slow at first but the pace quicken and Bucky seems to be everywhere on his body and in his head to the point that he starts chanting his name the closer he gets to his own orgasm.  
  
Bucky has started stroking himself at some point and he manages to come before Sam on his abs, his pecs AND his face with a groan and his tightness getting even tighter and bringing Sam over the edge with him.  
  
Bucky almost fall on him but uses his arms to control himself. One on each side of his soulmate head, he looks at Sam getting his breathing back to normal and when Sam focuses his eyes on him, he comes closer slowly to kiss him. The taste of his cum is still on Sam’s lips and by the way he feels Sam’s dick manifests itself, still inside of him, he can tell Sam likes that a bit more that what he lets appears.  
  
They spend more time lazily making out before moving. Bucky follows Sam immediately when he proposes a shower.

He dreamed of it so much and now it's finally reality, he is with Sam and Sam is with him.

  
His soulmate.

 

* * *

 

  
  
They wake up way too late for people who both work. Sam forgot to put his alarm on and it’s Bucky who wakes him up, shaking him a little before rushing in the bathroom.  
Sam starts to run too when he notices that he only got twenty minutes before having to leave.  
Of course, all of that while bickering, even with a toothbrush in the mouth, even with Sam throwing a bag and fresh clothes to Bucky and even when Sam is driving Bucky closer to his work.  
  
“Oh now it’s my fault if you couldn’t think clearly the second we got out of the car?”  
  
“You almost started blowing me while I was still driving Buck’, I had other concerns, yeah” Sam answers with a smile and Bucky gets out of his car, not before grabbing him for a kiss.  
  
“Call you later, soulmate”  
  
Sam may be blushing if his complexion could show it properly. “Yeah, later babe” he easily answers, loosing another two precious minutes looking at Bucky disappears and thinking about him.

  
  
Misty doesn’t even pretend to not want to know what happened. Sam tries to play the “I don’t kiss and tell” card but he has that little lips purse indirectly showing her that he wants to tell it all but is too shy to do so. He finally cracks an hour after and talk about the restaurant and the declaration, and inviting him in his apartment.  
“Was the night long or short?” She asks teasingly and Sam answers “let’s say that I will need more coffee than that”  
They giggles like children.

 

* * *

  
  
They can’t hide the fact that they are together from their friends. First, Misty, then Steve and after that, most of them naturally are in on the news.  
  
When Bucky informs Alex, Sam is not as nervous as he thoughts. Most of it is due to the fact that Alex saw it coming from the start and the rest is because Sam doesn’t want to hide his feelings anymore and is more upfront about it.  
  
At least, until they go with Bucky and Steve at Darlene Wilson’s place.  
  
  
“She’ll never let me live Bucky! She has a lot of way to tell you “told you so” without saying any of theses words” Sam complains in the car.  
  
His soulmate was rolling his eyes “But, she did told us so”   
  
“Relax Sam, I bet she will just be happy and a little cheeky about it, that’s all”  
  
Sam knows Steve is only trying to reassure him but he is not sure he believes him.  
  
He may be hiding it pretty well but Sam knows that Bucky is nervous as hell too. They remembers pretty well what happened last time and how Bucky was hurt by how unwelcomed is relationship with Alex had been.  
  
He definitely was a little shocked by the strong feelings the two women hold over someone they knew nothing about.

  
  
  
Sam and Bucky are nervous to knock inside but Steve is genuinely happy and his only care is the cake Darlene probably baked like every Sunday with guests in her house.  
Sam once asked Steve how he could eat that much sometimes but he apparently had a diet allowing him some of things a lot of people would consider a no-no.  
“It all depends on what your goal is on a certain period. Besides, Drax’s programs are really working for me”  
Sam was jealous but what could he do?

He still plans on eating the cake and leave with some too.

  
  
“Hello, how are my babies today?” Darlene welcomes with an apron still on.  
  
Sarah is still in the kitchen when they come to greet her too. Of course, they can sense a little tension, maybe more carefulness around Bucky but other than that they are like their normal self.  
  
Sam senses the moment Bucky is about to talk about the elephant in the room minutes before he actually does. They instinctively stayed close but without any contacts and one thing Sam hadn’t expected is how much he loves to touch his soulmate.  
  
“Darlene, Sarah, about last time...”Bucky starts, clearing his throat long enough for Darlene to intervenes.  
  
“I wanted to talk about it as well, let me say that I am sorry. I was out of line”  
She then turns to Sarah who looks at her all smile.  
  
They know Darlene is trying to command her daughter to say sorry too but it visibly isn’t in her plan “Are you really sorry mother?” She asks in a way Sam remembers too well from when they were little. The “little shit mode on”.  
  
“Of course we are!”  
  
“Well, first of all I am not and secondly, lying is bad. You told me that"  
  
“Sarah, what even are you talking about?” Her mother asks with narrowing eyes.  
  
“Weren’t you the one going to church, praying each time for Bucky to get with Sam?”  
  
Sam lets a “Oh really?” While Steve chokes en his water and Bucky seems whiter than normal.  
  
“I was praying for Sam to be happy in love, that’s all” she defends herself outraged.  
  
“By praying that he got with his soulmate. Isn’t that the truth mom?”  
  
“God works in mysterious ways, I mean, if that’s how...”  
  
Sarah burst out laughing.  
  
« You prayed Alex away ?! » Sam snorts unable to hold on his laugh too as his sister is shaking next to him, her locks flying around. Darlene is between repentance and defiance, a look mothers all around the world mastered and use when their children are pointing the errors of their way.  
  
Steve is hiding his face in his hand, letting a small space in between his fingers to see what is happening.  
  
Sam turns to Bucky, unable to read him for a second before he hears him say “Well Sam, if Darlene prayed, who are we to say no?”  
  
Sam smiles “We cannot, Bucky. James Buchanan Barnes, would you do me the honor of breaking up with Alex and date me, Samuel Thomas Wilson, also, I’m your soulmate”  
  
“I do” Bucky answers, eyes surprisingly shiny for a “joke”.

  
He even gets up from his chair, one knee down and Sam freezes because this is the time to stop.  
“Don’t freak out Wilson, I know it’s way too early to even think about mariage but I think it’s a good time for a little present if you want it” he gets a slim black box out of his vest and Sam looks at him in the eyes, taking the box slowly.  
  
“Buck?”  
  
“Open it babe”

Bucky calling him babe always makes him hot in the face, he doesn’t care about anyone else but his Bucky right now, opening the box to find a black and red necklace, a matching stone pendant on it. "I love you Sam”

  
  
Sam looks at the necklace, then Bucky, alternating for a few seconds before he gives the box back “put it on me please”  
  
Bucky smiles brightly and at that second Sam knows that one day, if Bucky ever wants to marry him he’ll say yes without hesitation.   
  
Bucky gets up with the necklace in hand and puts it around Sam neck, not without looking at the three gaping from shock faces around them.  
  
Sarah and her mother and holding on each other, witnessing something they don’t entirely understand.  
  
Once Sam has the necklace, he gets up to look at his soulmate “Love you too”  
  
He grabs Bucky and presses their lips together.  
  
“AAAAH!” Screams Sarah.  
  
“What the...what...what?!”  
  
“Oh, I forgot to tell you” Sam starts, delighted “I am dating Bucky. Officially”  
  
He cannot express how much he loves the face they do before asking if it’s true then threaten them if they think this is an appropriate joke.  
  
They have to take ten minutes and the intervention of Steve before they start to believe the story the men are telling them.  
  
“I better start going back to church to pray for a rich husband” Sarah breathe “mom, you did not prayed for me, did you?”  
  
Darlene is definitely happy, hugging Bucky and Sam tight “I knew sacrificing chicken in your old room would work” she whispers.  
  
“Wait, What?” Both men asks taking a step back.  
  
“Just kidding, it’s for your little act earlier” she winks.  
  
“Mom, you better pray for me too” Sarah jokes/complains again.  
  
“I always do baby, your brother just needed a little push. God works in mysterious ways”  
  
Sam wants to correct her that he doesn’t think God has anything to do with Bucky and him figuring out how to be together but he did needed that push and now?

Now he is happy.

 

* * *

 

  
Being with Bucky is an adjustment. First of all, having a group of common friend is a blessing most of the time but sometimes you need that freedom to talk about certain subject with an honesty someone knowing both you and your soulmate can’t provide.  
  
Steve is one of the most supportive of them but Sam starts to recognize the special kind of tension he got when Bucky and him get frustrated with each other or eventually start to fight.  
Fighting with Bucky is familiar, after all, they used to fight all the time.  
The difference now is that one of them definitely tries to solve the problem quickly before it takes too much space and the more their life is getting intricate with one another, the more they are trying to make things work.

  
  
It’s easy, it’s hard.

  
  
But when, at the end of the day, Sam can lay his head on Bucky’s chest and his soulmate start to randomly play with his hair, he can’t help but smile and know that he doesn’t want to be anywhere else.

 

He looks at their soulmark, jumping from skin to skin, Bucky's heartbeat lulling him to sleep.

 

End.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading :)


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